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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29846940">We’re a promise, always and forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/imokipromise/pseuds/imokipromise'>imokipromise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>They don’t make glass slippers [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>(여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Light Smut, everyone is still gay, im sorry, like a lot a lot of gays</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:01:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29846940</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/imokipromise/pseuds/imokipromise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapters are named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>They don’t make glass slippers [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>349</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Time will say nothing but I told you so</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! i’m glad that you found your way to the second sequel! i hope you’ll enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the first two parts!</p><p>WARNINGS: abuse.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>“Now, tell me, who is Jeon Soyeon?” the middle aged woman with too much make up and a big cleavage asked.</p><p>There were four people in the living room. One holding a camera too close to her face, one smelling too strongly of perfume and deodorant, one quietly moving a mic around to capture whatever was said in the room, and one being watched by the other three as she nervously tugged on the sleeve of her arm.</p><p>Soyeon’s intentions with music weren’t ever to become famous. She wanted to share her creativity with people who would appreciate it as much as she did, but she never thought that would be the majority of the South Korean population. And it hadn’t hit her that everyone under seventy had heard her name or listened to her music, before her name was announced on a music show just a couple of weeks ago. </p><p>Her speech wasn’t any great. She hadn’t even imagined winning the prize as she went up against artists she’d been inspired by in the past, and therefore her speech was made up when she made her way to the stage. Her clothes weren’t really fitting either, as every woman was wearing a fancy dress and the men expensive tuxedos, and she just wore a pair of pants and a top that Minnie picked out for her. But everyone thought it was charming, which only gained her more fame.</p><p>Soyeon didn’t hate people speaking her name, her songs playing in every shop, or even when her pictures showed up in the newspaper. She didn’t mind the rumours people made about her, and she didn’t care about the people who disliked her songs. But not in any way was she made to be famous. She didn’t attend the high-class parties she was invited to at least twice a month. She rarely agreed to doing interviews or to model for different brands. Even when her manager asked her to do more public work than her songs, she never listened to her.</p><p>Soyeon was fine living like she’d always lived. And quite frankly, she loved her life like it was. Maybe there was a thing she’d like to change, but it would change by itself sooner or later.</p><p>“Everyone knows Jeon Soyeon: the producer and songwriter, but no one knows who Jeon Soyeon actually is.” the woman asked again.</p><p>Soyeon thought she looked a little to existed for her own good, with high eyebrows and several wrinkles between them.</p><p>“What do you mean?” the producer asked with a straight smile, as she played with the hem of her hoodie, not daring to have eye-contact with the camera nor the person in front of her.</p><p>The woman took a deep breath. She probably didn’t appreciate Soyeon’s lack of interview training. Oh well. Soyeon was never a people pleaser.</p><p>“Could you describe yourself with three words?” the interviewer then asked.</p><p>Soyeon bit her lower lip as she tried to think.</p><p>“Uhm...” she muttered before looking up. “My friends would say that I’m focused, committed and um... loving.”</p><p>“I see.” the other nodded. “Does your friends mean a lot to you?”</p><p>“Of course.” the artist answered with a wide smile. “They mean everything to me.”</p><p>“How about your parents, have they influenced your music?”</p><p>Soyeon had to pause for a second. It had been a long, very long, time since she even thought about her parents. She’d lost the wondering about what they were up to, if they missed her, if they were looking for her a long time ago, if she ever had them. She had no relationship with her parents, nor did she want one. They were probably off somewhere living their life as fake-happily married, but Soyeon couldn’t care less.</p><p>“My father wrote in the past, so I guess I inherited it from him but... I left home early, so they never really got the chance.” she answered in a monotone voice so that the interviewer wouldn’t snap up on it, but of course she did.</p><p>She was an interviewer, she was trained to listen to every little detail.</p><p>“How old were you when you moved away from home?”</p><p>“Uhm... sixteen.”</p><p>Soyeon knew that would be at least one headline tomorrow morning.</p><p>“Sixteen? That’s really young! Was there any particular reason?”</p><p>She could either out her parents and her entire identity by telling the truth, or she could go against her moral and make up a story.</p><p>“I just needed some time to myself.” she chose the middle ground.</p><p>“Is that when you moved to Busan?”</p><p>“That’s right.”</p><p>“Was there any reason to why you wrote songs under the name Windy instead of your real name, at that time?” the woman tilted herself forward, only showing off her breast even more.</p><p>“I- uh...” Soyeon began with a stutter, she really wasn’t trained for this life. “I just didn’t feel like myself at that time and I didn’t want to claim any music that didn’t feel like my own as mine. And the station I worked with liked it, so there’s that.”</p><p>For an interview with a random woman, Soyeon was really opening up a lot.</p><p>“And later you arrived in Seoul. Why did you decided to move here and what year was it?”</p><p>“It was three years ago.” she smiled, remembering the feeling of finally seeing her friends again after such a long time. “I just really missed my friends.”</p><p>“You’ve mentioned your friends quite a lot and you say that they mean much to you, could you tell me just why you think they mean so much to you?”</p><p>“They’re my family.” the songwriter answered. “I spend everyday with them, and they know me better than anyone. I love them more than anything.”</p><p>“Is that why you share an apartment with them?”</p><p>“Unm... Let’s just say, I don’t do well on my own.”</p><p>The woman nodded, before motioning with her hand to make the camera man lower the camera, before she took a sip from her plastic water bottle. Soyeon was able to catch her breath in the short break, but not more than that. Soon, the camera was right back in her face.</p><p>“Fans have speculated a lot on the voices in your songs.” the woman smiled. “As of now, they have made out four different voices. One is your own, which we already know since Windy’s songs, but then there are the other three. Could you tell us a little bit about those?”</p><p>The first voice she’d used was Minnie. Minnie had always had a great voice, and she’d taken vocal training in the past. Soyeon thought her voice sounded dreamy. And the two had always talked about collaborating on songs before. In fact, Minnie had helped Soyeon out with a lot of the track as well as the singing. But the problem was, she couldn’t mention Minnie’s name on national TV. Especially not her Thai name, and for the girl’s own safety, they’d decided Soyeon couldn’t say her Korean name either.</p><p>The second voice she’d used was Yuqi. Of course. Yuqi was her inspiration for most of the songs, and they already started working on them back in high school. Unlike Minnie, Yuqi had never trained her voice professionally. She’d never had any professional training in music at all, but Soyeon hadn’t either, so she couldn’t blame her. Plus, it made Yuqi’s voice sound more colourful. The chinese was fond of having all eyes on her, so Soyeon saying her name would only make her a favour, but Yuqi had been clear that she wanted to be known for her own work, whatever that would be.</p><p>The third voice, to everyone’s surprise, was Miyeon. Since Soyeon through Minnie learned that Miyeon had a great voice, she’d always kept her in the back of her mind. And then she found herself writing a power ballad, and Minnie said no other voice would fit that better than Miyeon. After days of asking and pleading, Miyeon agreed to it. To Soyeon’s surprise, the girl’s voice was really stable and clean, despite her not having any vocal training and barely singing at all, as she used to say she was too shy to. But Miyeon had been clear with saying that no one was to know her name. </p><p>Shuhua and Soojin were never an option, as Shuhua clearly said she didn’t want to, and Soojin was off the radar. As of now.</p><p>That meant, Soyeon really couldn’t answer the question with any name.</p><p>“My friends.” she said, hoping it didn’t give away too much.</p><p>The older woman nodded.</p><p>“Your new album-“</p><p>“Playlist.” the younger corrected.</p><p>“Yes, right.” the interviewer nodded. “Is there any reason you call them playlists instead of albums?”</p><p>“Uhm, yes. I think an album is to get to know the artist. Playlists are to tell a story. To get to know the music, the lyrics behind it and what the artist wants to say. But it’s still the listeners story.” she fiddled with the sleeve of her hoodie as she answered.</p><p>“You speak quite poetically.” the older woman said followed something that probably was a laugh, but Soyeon thought it sounded like a bird screaming at its prey.</p><p>“Someone always tells me I speak like I’m quoting a song.” she nodded with her faint smile.</p><p>“You sure do.” she nodded. “Alright then. That was Jeon Soyeon on Studio46, thank you for joining in, hope to see you next time.”</p><p>Half a minute after the woman had closed her mouth, she motioned with her hand again and the camera man lowered the camera. The two men started chatting as they put down their equipment, while the woman rose from her chair and stretched her arms.</p><p>Soyeon followed her up, and smiled awkwardly as the woman smirked back at her. Her gaze soon went to the light blue walls, before she pointed with her manicured finger. </p><p>“I couldn’t help but noticed those incredible paintings on the wall.” she spoke between her pink, painted lips. “Who is the artist?”</p><p>“Oh it’s- it’s my friend, Miyeon.” Soyeon answered, turning towards the paintings of blue seas.</p><p>“She is really talented.” the older woman stated.</p><p>“She sure is.” Soyeon nodded.</p><p>It only took another five minutes for them to be out of the apartment, and Soyeon felt like collapsing on the couch. She wasn’t a social butterfly. She wasn’t even social in any way. She hung out with the people she loved, and that was it. The current count was four people, not counting the unavailable part.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Soyeon only got her calm for an hour, until the oldest two stormed in mid-argument. The songwriter knew it was nothing other than couple’s bickering. They’d been living under the same roof for three years now, after all.</p><p>“No, I’m just saying, if you’d bought the ramen instead, we wouldn’t have had to pay that much.” Miyeon argued as she put down her plastic bag on the counter. </p><p>“What? So we can live off of noodles? No thanks.” Minnie stated while placing down her own two bags. </p><p>Their apartment wasn’t big. The kitchen was a small space with nothing more than the necessary, leading right into the living room where only a round table and six chairs, a couch, a TV and a keyboard fit, plus Miyeon’s painting corner and the works on the walls. On the same wall as the paintings were three doors. Two leading to bedrooms, and the one in the middle lead to the bathroom. They couldn’t afford much space, and Soyeon had begun to think they desperately needed it, especially since all five of them lived in there most of the time.</p><p>“One week on noodles is nothing.” Miyeon said between her teeth. “And it would save us a lot of money!”</p><p>“Why is everything always about money for you?” Minnie had raised her voice and thrown her arms to the side.</p><p>“‘Cause I’m trying to keep five people alive?” the older said, going up with her voice by the end which made it sound more like a question. “God, Minnie. Sometimes I really doubt your brain.”</p><p>The younger could only scoff before Soyeon decided to interfere.</p><p>“Hello to you too.” she greeted, not lifting herself the slightest bit from the grey couch, where she’d made herself comfortable with her phone.</p><p>“Can you put away the groceries?” Miyeon asked between her teeth, before pulling Minnie into their bedroom by her hand.</p><p>The white door closed behind them, and Soyeon sighed before doing what she was asked. </p><p>The wooden floor was swapped to white tiles as she entered through the little doorway that lead to the kitchen. Three bags of groceries would only last them a week at most, considering how much the younger two ate. Soyeon wondered why they never had to pay anything, while she had to pay her third. Well, maybe it was because Soyeon actually was making money (she was making the most in the family actually, but that was besides the point) and neither Yuqi or Shuhua was. At least the three who actually owned the apartment didn’t have to pay for whatever the two others did outside of the apartment, unless they begged Miyeon or Minnie for something, but Soyeon never fell for their charms. At least she’d never admit that.</p><p>To the bickering in the background, Soyeon walked back to the couch and turned on her Xbox. Or... it wasn’t exactly Soyeon’s Xbox. Miyeon bought it for Minnie a while back so that the thai wouldn’t go crazy from only going between home, to work, to the grocery store. </p><p>The song writer’s newfound calm was also robbed, when the two youngest stumbled through the door. She couldn’t see them, as the hallway was hidden behind the kitchen, but she could hear both their loud voices which was enough to cover the entire apartment with more sounds.</p><p>Around the time as Yuqi and Shuhua had gotten their jackets off, Miyeon and Minnie had ended the argument. Judging by Miyeon’s faintly smeared lipstick, they solved it in the most mature way possible. At least it worked for them.</p><p>Minnie sat down right beside Soyeon as the korean handed her a console, and they started quietly playing together before Yuqi pressed herself down between them.</p><p>“Scoot over!” she said too loudly. </p><p>Minnie started complaining at her loud voice immediately, while Yuqi only laughed.</p><p>“Buying them that thing was the biggest mistake of my life.” Miyeon told Shuhua before taking out the ingredients from the fridge.</p><p>“You sure moving in with them wasn’t worse?” the younger smirked, and snatched a carrot the second she saw it in Miyeon’s hand.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“My turn!” Yuqi called, snatching the console from Soyeon’s hands.</p><p>“I wasn’t finished with it!” Soyeon complained as her character died on the screen.</p><p>Minnie celebrated her victory by shooting up her arms in the air while making inhuman noises with her mouth.</p><p>“Ugh, see!” Soyeon complained, motioning to the happy thai. “You messed up her ego!”</p><p>Yuqi laughed close to Soyeon’s face, causing visible irritation to appear in the shorter girl. She threw her arms to Yuqi’s shoulders, and tackled her down until they’d pushed Minnie of the couch, but that was okay as Miyeon had called for her from the kitchen.</p><p>“Are you gonna say sorry for making me die?” Soyeon growled, pressing her inner thighs about Yuqi’s outer ones and her hands on Yuqi’s shoulders.</p><p>“What are you gonna do if I don’t?” the younger questioned with a smirk.</p><p>Soyeon clenched her jaw, but she didn’t have time to say anything more before Shuhua’s loud voice came from behind them.</p><p>“Do that in the bedroom, I actually have to sleep here.” she said, as she placed down a pot on the table. </p><p>The older two girls soon came with bowls and pots of their own, before the chef stated that dinner is ready, and they all sat down in their respective chairs. </p><p>Minnie and Miyeon sat on opposite ends, with Soyeon and Yuqi on either side of Miyeon and Shuhua beside Yuqi. The fact that there was an empty chair was nothing they brought up. It made the atmosphere weird, so they preferred just not to speak of it.</p><p>“Miyeon I need you to drive me to the pharmacy sometime this week.” Yuqi, who now owned a brown bob cut said while sipping on some soup.</p><p>“Didn’t I just pick up medicine for you?” the oldest asked.</p><p>“Yeah, but they gave me something new.” the chinese explained. “I don’t know, for some liquid in my stomach or something. I didn’t really listen but they prescribed it for me.”</p><p>“See, this is why you can’t go to the check ups alone!” Shuhua complained. “You never listen to what they tell you!”</p><p>“I listened to when they told me to pick up the medicine!” Yuqi argued. </p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll drive you.” Miyeon shut down the argument before it could grow any further. </p><p>The sounds of their sticks and bowls filled the room for a couple of minutes as they all ate in silence. That was something rare to find in this household, as there always was sounds from the TV, the keyboard or the loud voices echoing around the apartment. Now that Miyeon thought of it, it was only around dinner time or when everyone was sleeping that it actually was quiet.</p><p>But the silence at dinner was always destroyed by something or someone.</p><p>“How did your interview go Soyeonie?” Minnie asked while shoving rice into her mouth.</p><p>“I don’t know.” the famous one answered. “I’m either gonna be famous for being obsessed with my friends of for being abused by my parents. I guess we’ll have to find out tomorrow.”</p><p>“Wait, what?” Yuqi asked. “Wasn’t it just supposed to be a ‘what does music mean to you’ kind of interview?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” she shrugged. “But I don’t care. The interviewer didn’t seem too interested either. She thought your art was cool though, Miyeon.”</p><p>“Really?” the older girl asked, blushing a little.</p><p>“Oh, shut up.” Shuhua spoke up. “You already know it, don’t act like you don’t.”</p><p>Miyeon glared at Shuhua, while the others only chuckled and grinned playfully.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Hours later and the oldest two were ready for bed, at Miyeon’s command. She slept a lot, at least ten hours a night and to to work at nine meant she had to go to sleep at ten on weekdays. She also hated when Minnie creeped into bed after her, so she’d started forcing the thai to fall asleep early as well. Minnie didn’t complain, even though it made her wake up at six, sometimes five, in the morning when she started at ten.</p><p>A couple of minutes past ten, both girls were swiping through their phones to see what they’d missed during the day. Minnie laid on her side, facing the wall, while Miyeon laid on her back. She’d probably drop her phone sooner or later, but she was used to the pain now.</p><p>Suddenly, the younger girl squealed and quickly turned around. She shoved her phone right into Miyeon’s face, making the older blink a couple of times to see clear.</p><p>What was in front of her was a baby she didn’t know the name of, but had seen pictures and videos of for days. In this particular clip it was playing with a toy in its mouth while smiling into the camera. </p><p>Miyeon looked between the phone and the widely smiling Minnie, before nodding and giving a faint smile. The younger retreated back to her side, until Miyeon turned her light off, which made Minnie do the same, and they both scooted into the middle where Miyeon buried herself into Minnie’s chest. The younger wrapped her arms tightly around Miyeon, while closing her eyes.</p><p>“You really do have to watch what you spend our money on, though.” Miyeon reminded.</p><p>“Mhm, and you really have to watch what you eat.” Minnie stated back.</p><p>“Are you saying I’m fat?” the older asked playfully.</p><p>“Yeah, sure.” Minnie rolled her eyes before pressing a kiss to the top of Miyeon’s head.</p><p>They both fell asleep to the sound of a game playing in the living room. Soyeon had won seven times already, but Yuqi was not stopping until she beat her. Shuhua was just continuously asking for them to move so she could sleep, but they didn’t listen.</p><p>That was until Soyeon decided to make Yuqi even more frustrated. She gave in to Shuhua’s wants and turned off the game, before raising from the couch and walking away to her bedroom.</p><p>“What?” Yuqi questioned, still with the console in her hand.</p><p>“Leave so I can sleep.” Shuhua said, already pushing her away as she held her sheets in her arms.</p><p>Yuqi rolled her eyes, before hurrying after the shortest girl into their- Soyeon’s bedroom.</p><p>The older was already on the bed with her phone in her hands, when Yuqi jumped right on top of her. Now she was the one to tackle the other down.</p><p>She did however not stop her face from lowering down, as they were behind a closed door and the chances of someone seeing them were low.</p><p>Their lips pressed together as Soyeon’s hands went to Yuqi’s waist and Yuqi’s cradled Soyeon’s face.</p><p>The two didn’t sleep in another couple of hours, and they could just hope Shuhua couldn’t hear them from the couch.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Soojin felt another hit on the side of her face before wincing in pain. Her breathing was rapid, uncontrolled, from trying to contain herself, so that tears from the ache wouldn’t start flowing freely. She already felt heat on her arms from his tight hold earlier, and now it was starting in her cheeks as well. </p><p>Her body had fallen to the floor long ago, somewhere around the first punch. She had to fight to keep herself up on the side of the bed, but it was only got harder when she felt kicks against her side. </p><p>She let out a groan, and several more, as the electrifying feeling moved inside her body. She didn’t care to try to get away, it would only make the punishment worse.</p><p>After another few kicks, she stared coughing at the same time as she gasped for air. Her hands flew to the floor in front of her knees and her red, sweaty face was tilted towards the tiles. </p><p>The air was burning as it made its way through her tight throat, only to be pushed up again seconds later.</p><p>After a minute, her coughs disappeared and she only had her air to catch. The dancer’s eyes were squeezed closed, and she flinched when she felt the big arms taking a hold of her shoulders. They soon pressed her entire body against his, as he soothed her with light touches on her hair. He cradled her like she was a little child, as he shushed her groans.</p><p>“Here, drink baby.” he said before lifting a glass to her mouth.</p><p>Her red lips met the glass as water started pouring into her mouth.</p><p>“Do you understand why I’m doing this?” his low voice spoke out, as he brushed his hand against the skin on her arm.</p><p>“Because I asked to speak to her.” Soojin answered, her voice monotone and raspy.</p><p>“That’s right.” he whispered before kissing her temple. “You’re making me so proud, baby.”</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>Was this the life you were expecting they would live three years later?</p><p>i wasn’t planning on posting this chapter already, but since we got new news i feel like we need a little escape from reality again. i can’t tell you when the next chapter will be up, but look out for it!</p><p>stay safe, healthy and supporting our (g)irls!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Time only knows the price we have to pay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welcome back!</p><p>WARNINGS: mention of abuse, hinting of internalised homophobia/homophobia, mention of self harm.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Minnie eyes shot open as she sat up rapidly. Her head hurt from the sudden movement. Why did she wake up so weird?</p><p>She looked to the side, and saw Miyeon sound asleep with the head her way, hands buried underneath it. Despite looking like a walking goddess while awake, Miyeon looked like a chipmunk when she was sleeping. A really cute one though, cute enough to make Minnie smile from side to side. </p><p>Since she didn’t want to wake her sleeping girlfriend up, and she heard loud noises from the living room, she carefully got out of the bedroom, to find the chaos right outside.</p><p>There was a pan filled to the brim with a green... moister, a pot bubbling over with something pink and a cabinet door hanging out. There was also two black haired girls on the floor. One handpicking glass splitters and the other one dipping tissues into something white (hopefully milk).</p><p>The thai’s eyes grew multiple sizes, especially when she looked to the side, where Soyeon was sitting calmly with her keyboard.</p><p>“What the hell?” Minnie exclaimed, causing all eyes to meet hers.</p><p>Both Yuqi and Shuhua wore stressed out faces, while Soyeon’s was in a smirk.</p><p>“What are you doing?” the thai whisper-yelled while carefully closing the door behind her, and making her way to the mess that was the kitchen.</p><p>“Yuqi wanted to cook breakfast for us!” Shuhua exclaimed and pointed at the chinese.</p><p>“No, this was her idea!” the older argued.</p><p>The youngest two kept blaming each other, but Minnie ignored the worse headache that was about to come by looking over to the couch, where Soyeon’s grin disappeared the second they met eyes.</p><p>“Why didn’t you stop them?” Minnie asked.</p><p>“I’m not their babysitter.” Soyeon shrugged.</p><p>“You think I am?” the thai asked, to which Soyeon shrugged again before hiding away into her phone. “Why are all of you even up?”</p><p>She started walking towards the younger two. Yuqi, with the tissues in her hands, started raising up from the ground while Shuhua had several splitters left to clean up. It definitely wasn’t the safest way, but Minnie would let Shuhua figure that out on her own. </p><p>“She wanted to cook you breakfast.” Yuqi said.</p><p>“It was literally your idea!” Shuhua shouted.</p><p>Minnie hurriedly shushed them both with a finger in front of her mouth.</p><p>“Shut up, we don’t wanna wake Miyeon!” she whisper-yelled.</p><p>Both of the younger looked at the bedroom door the oldest was sleeping behind.</p><p>“Come on, I’ll help you clean this up before she wakes up.” Minnie stated, and entered the kitchen.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Soojin listened to the clinking of his spoon meeting the bowl, before he swallowed loudly with a big sip of coffee. His motion was repeated several times, as he stared down at the table with a crooked grin.</p><p>His eyes were tired, like they always were these days. It seemed like he put all his energy in trying to be the perfect man. He was kind, smart and good looking, to others. To Soojin, he was none of that, not right now at least.</p><p>She often found herself wondering how she agreed to go out with him again after what she’d been through the first time she was with him. When his fist met her skin, or her stomach ached from being punched repeatedly, that’s when she regretted her choices the most. Especially that night in Miyeon’s old apartment. Why didn’t she run after Shuhua? Or even call for her name? When Soyeon walked into the room, and said that Yuqi was angry because Shuhua obviously was sad, although she tried not to show it, why didn’t she walk up to Shuhua, instead of running out of the apartment? </p><p>“Oh, wait, I’ve got something for you!” Hui suddenly exclaimed and raised from his chair before running into the bedroom.</p><p>All her regrets were quickly erased when he said something like that. Or when he hugged her like she was the most important thing in the world, or when he gave her compliments until she blushed. But especially when he made all her ugly thoughts disappear. </p><p>At the end of the day, all he did was for her own good. </p><p>Soojin waited expectantly on her chair. She’d only eaten a couple of spoons of the breakfast, but she rarely had an appetite after nights like yesterday.</p><p>She remembered the first he hit her. It was weeks after that night, and he’d already advised Soojin not to speak to Shuhua. Well, she wouldn’t have spoken to the girl anyways, not when she’d broken her heart again. Why he beat her, was because Soojin had met Soyeon, and Hui didn’t like that. He told her that she wouldn’t recover if she talked to people like those, so she cut off all contact she had with her oldest and closest friend. It was for her own best, after all. She would just get back to Soyeon when her thoughts had disappeared. Of course that meant not speaking to Yuqi or Minnie either. Miyeon, however, was an exception, because they were family. Sometimes Soojin thought it was because Miyeon was the only girl she couldn’t fall in love with, but he always denied it.</p><p>A year into the relationship he asked her to move to an apartment with him. Originally, he wanted to move to another city, but those wishes broke apart when he got to take over his father’s company in Seoul. Soojin thought it was good, because then she got to stay in college. Although that meant her getting anxious every time she walked over campus, because Shuhua and Yuqi walked around there. But she did her best to avoid them, and it had worked so far. Now she was almost halfway through her last year, and she hadn’t met them once. </p><p>Soyeon tried to call her at least once a day, but she couldn’t answer. Hui would see it on their phone bills, and Soojin’s recovery would fall back too many steps. And the young songwriter would often try to talk to her while she talked to Miyeon, and Soojin had slipped up a few too many times, so Hui had made it a rule that she couldn’t talk to Miyeon unless he was in the room. That rule soon grew to her not being allowed to talk to anyone unless Hui could hear everything that was said, and he’d told her what she could say and not. Soojin didn’t fight against any of it, she knew it was the best for her recovery.</p><p>Soojin’s thoughts were interrupted when the man came walking back, smiling with a shopping bag in his hands. He placed it in front of her on the table, before brushing his thumb over Soojin’s cheek.</p><p>“I saw it in the window and I just couldn’t resist.” he said.</p><p>The female dancer smiled back at him widely, before opening the bag. There was pink paper around the gift, which she carefully ripped off, as he stared down at her.</p><p>She often received flowers, jewellery or whatever else he thought women liked, so she wasn’t surprised when she saw a price of red clothing. She supposed it was a nightwear, considering how little it was covering, but the lace told her otherwise. </p><p>“Pretty, isn’t it?” he asked, and placed both his hands on her shoulders as she held the gift in front of them.</p><p>Soojin bit her inner cheek and frowned, and was happy Hui couldn’t see it from behind her.</p><p>“It will fit your body perfectly, don’t you think?” </p><p>The man lowered his head, and graced his lips over her ear. Soojin could feel his cheeky smile, and his brain already going wild.</p><p>“Let’s try it out tonight, yeah?” his voice was low, a whisper. “I have that meeting this afternoon so I could use some...”</p><p>The last word was muffled, Soojin didn’t even know if it was spoken at all. The only think she could hear was a deep, husky sigh right in her ear. It sent chills down her back, in a bad way.</p><p>One last squeeze of her shoulders, until he moved away. She felt his shadow lurking behind her, before he left the room. Of course, he didn’t care to bring his dishes to the kitchen.</p><p>“We’re leaving in ten!” he shouted from the bathroom.</p><p>But he didn’t have to, Soojin knew his routines by now.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Soyeon was beyond thankful that the notes came easy to her nowadays. Not only did they bounce around in her head back and forth, and were later splashed out on her keyboard. But they also sounded like Jeon Soyeon, not a personality she hid behind to get her through the day. Soyeon was feeling okay, fine even. Probably better than ever before.</p><p>Many would argue that Soyeon lived small considering all she could have. But she had all she’d ever wanted. Her music, and a family. </p><p>Her eyes closed as she hummed the melody over and over again, trying to get the right combination of notes. It was a calm song, so far. But she wanted something grand for the melody, she only had to figure out how to get there.</p><p>Soyeon liked her songs. Most of them, at least. She could’ve worked on some of them a tiny bit more, but her life didn’t only revolve around her music after all. And during writing most of those songs she didn’t get quite finished with, her mind traveled to a certain number in her phone. The thoughts would only lead to her bringing up her phone.</p><p>Of course, the same thing happened this time.</p><p>The songwriter sighed before picking up her phone, which laid on the couch right beside her. The glass was shining and her fingers slid over it like it was nothing, although she’d bought it over two years ago and phones like there never lasted too long. Minnie bought hers at the same time, and the glass was already a bit cracked.</p><p>While swiping through her contacts, she came across the few people whose number she’d saved. Besides all the contacts that had with her work to do, she’d saved nine numbers. One for each of her family members, and she couldn’t quite remember who the other four people were. Soyeon couldn’t recall ever putting a ‘Kim Jung-Gi’ into her phone.</p><p>Her thumb touched the screen once again, and her girlfriend’s name popped into her vision. She questioned if she should click her contact and send her a message, if that is what’s required to be a good girlfriend. But her heart called her somewhere else, so she quickly dismissed those thoughts.</p><p>Instead, she clicked on the contact of her best friend. And instantly brought the phone to her ear. The beeps went on, as usual, but she waited until the end. It wasn’t that she was expecting Soojin to randomly answer her after three years, not counting those few times. It was the voice after the last beep, the voice that belonged to Soyeon’s best friend. It was that voice that made her wait until the end. It always said the same, boring stuff, but it was Soojin.</p><p>If anyone asked why Soyeon thought her best friend suddenly cut off her entire social life, the producer wouldn’t be able to answer. She didn’t want to think of the worst, so she never did. She’d let her mind go there a few times, but that only made the blades scream for her arm, and she had made a promise. </p><p>Hopefully, Soojin just needed some time to herself to think and move on. Or just to process, and come back stronger. That’s what Soyeon liked to believe. </p><p>The songwriter had thought multiple times of running around town to find the other, or wait days outside her classroom until she showed up, but Soojin went away for a reason. And the older never tried to haunt Soyeon down when she did, so the younger wasn’t about to do it either. They always found each other at the end anyways.</p><p>When the sweet, quiet and calm voice disappeared from her ear, Soyeon placed her phone back down on the couch, and mumbled the melody once again. Only this time, it felt bland. There was something missing.</p><p>Well that was another song she’d never fully finish.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Yuqi thought Shuhua was crazy when the younger chose two courses at their university, to study at the same time. Being a full time vet student would be hard enough, but then she wanted acting classes on top of that? Yuqi thought she was mad.</p><p>Shuhua didn’t think it would be too hard when she first applied, but that quickly changed the first week. She loved the animals she got to work with, and she loved especially much when she got to work at a clinic with real ‘customers’, or whatever you’d call a cat with lice. But she also despised it. She arrived at her acting classes smelling like aquarium water, dog shampoo and pellets. Most people didn’t mind, but there was still those who have her eyes. </p><p>Not only did they think she rolled around in a stable every day, they also thought she was the biggest time optimist of all time. </p><p>You see, when she was volunteering at a clinic, there was really no way in telling when she’d get off. Five was the earliest time, but there was always something happening with a cat wanting to get into a mouse’s cage, or a reptile suddenly disappearing. The latter happened too many times a week. So she often ran with the quickest steps she had across the campus, but she still managed to arrive at least ten minutes late.</p><p>Nowadays, she’d stopped running over the campus. She just walked really, really quickly. And she was late, of course. Everyone’s eyes were on her, again. But that was fine. Her hair was a mess with a few seeds spilling out from time to time and she smelled like a horse, but that won’t stress her out. Absolutely not. </p><p>And her hands won’t start shaking when the teacher calls her up on stage the second she steps into the room, or when he first screams at her for being late again, before forcing her to do a one-woman show in front of everyone. Nope, she’s keeping her chill. Definitely.</p><p>Only, she wasn’t. She managed to stay the entire class, but the minute the clock stroke six, she hurried out of the building. She felt the sweat running down her neck, which only quickened her pace even more. Hopefully Yuqi was in her dorm, and not with Soyeon, so she could lighten Shuhua’s mood.</p><p>Soojin watched as the girl ran right past her. She wasn’t supposed to be looking. She was supposed to bring her hood over her face, and turn around so she couldn’t see the girl, even if she tried. These weren’t Hui’s rules, these were Soojin’s rules.</p><p>But she’d broken them the minute she saw the taiwanese’s distressed face, hurrying back to the dorms. Her mouth has fell open and her eyes had opened wide. An affect only Shuhua had on her.</p><p>Soojin even continued looking until the younger girl disappeared behind a building, like she was in a trance. </p><p>But ones there was no sight of the girl anymore, Soojin’s brain snapped out of it, and she started swearing at herself. She couldn’t have a slip back, not when she’d been so good for so long.</p><p>The bag she held over her shoulder suddenly felt a whole lot stronger as she hurried to her last dance class for the day.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>“What about her?” Yuqi asked, holding a picture of a woman in front of Shuhua’s face.</p><p>They were both laying at Yuqi’s bed in Yuqi’s dorm, where they rarely spent their time. But Yuqi didn’t want to head over to the others because “Soyeon haven’t talked to me since this morning and I’m not gonna be the one who keeps coming back!”, in Yuqi’s words, obviously.</p><p>“She’s too old.” the younger said, barely keeping her eyes on the picture for a second.</p><p>“Her?” the older asked, showing another picture.</p><p>“Too... burning.” the younger sighed.</p><p>The chinese rolled her eyes, but kept swiping through the dating app. Shuhua had a lollipop in her mouth, which she took out and inspected from time to time.</p><p>“What about him?” Yuqi asked, raising an eyebrow and putting emphasis on the fact that it was a man.</p><p>Shuhua glared at her sister, before guiding her eyes to the phone, where a picture of a shirtless guy holding an axe over his shoulder was shown. He was clearly flexing, and he had a sickening grin on his face. </p><p>“Ew, how did he even make it in here!” the taiwanese groaned.</p><p>Yuqi chuckled, before continuing with the app.</p><p>“This is bullshit!” Shuhua exclaimed. “How am I supposed to find my soulmate by looking at her picture?”</p><p>Yuqi shot up her head, successfully avoid hitting it on the bunk bed above her.</p><p>“Dude, I’m your soulmate!” she said before using a pink teddy bear to hit the younger.</p><p>Shuhua chose to ignore her completely, and saw out of the corner of her eye how Yuqi rolled her eyes before lying back down. This time however, she locked the phone and looked up at the bottom of the other bunk together with Shuhua.</p><p>“But like, why is no one anything like I want?” the younger asked.</p><p>Shuhua frowned, deep in her thoughts. Yuqi studied her while biting her inner cheek.</p><p>“I’m just gonna buy a dog.” the younger suddenly stated, with a faint smile and determined eyes.</p><p>Yuqi chuckled, but didn’t think more of it. Until it was Shuhua’s turn to shot up from the bed, and also successfully avoiding hitting her head. Miyeon would’ve hit it too many times to count if she was here.</p><p>“No for real though, they brought in two strays into the clinic earlier today.” the younger had a wide smile. “And they were so cute! I think they were siblings as well.”</p><p>Yuqi followed her up, with a confused frown. She thought the younger would understand how idiotic this plan sounded by only looking into her eyes, but Shuhua was too gone into her happy world.</p><p>“Shu, you have no money and no time to raise two puppies.” Yuqi decided to deadpan when she figured the younger wouldn’t get it. “And you can’t ask our parents, they won’t afford it.”</p><p>“Miyeon, Minnie and Soyeon have money.” Shuhua shrugged.</p><p>“Barely.” the older argued. “Besides, you’re just gonna dumb two puppies on them?”</p><p>While Yuqi still was seated, the younger fell down on the bed and sighed as if she just found her ‘knight-ess’ in shining armour.</p><p>“Maybe.” she muttered with another sigh.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>why can’t Shuhua find a girlfriend?</p><p>thank you all for reading!</p><p>twitter: @elisaisokiswear<br/>curiouscat: @elisaisokiswear</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. If I could tell you I would let you know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! </p><p>DISCLAIMER: i’ve been noticing a some worrying among some of the readers, so i’ve chosen to clarify a part of the story. the storyline people are worrying about is obviously soojin/hui, and i totally understand, they’re in a dark situation. BUT know that i won’t include any sexual scenes between the two, and there won’t be any more scenes with physical abuse. remember to always read the warnings before the chapter in case you are sensitive to one of the themes.</p><p>I will post chapters 2-3 times a week, between 7-11am kst. Monday, Friday and Sunday, some weeks I might just post on two of the days, depending on how much time I have to write. </p><p>WARNINGS: mention of death, mention of abuse, mention of abortion.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Miyeon opened her eyes, feeling an immediate panic as she has no perception of the time. Was she late for work?</p><p>But she quickly calmed down when she felt Minnie’s lips pressing against her cheek. The younger had probably been awake for a while now as she smelled of shampoo and perfume, and was most likely ready to go to work.</p><p>“Good morning.” she said to the older, before pressing their lips together.</p><p>Miyeon let her eyes fall close again, as she enjoyed the comfort and the heat of the sheets. </p><p>She felt the mattress move beside her as Minnie shifted away from her, before the younger’s head landed on her pillow, just by her own shoulder. </p><p>The thai was watching her phone, resting it on top of Miyeon’s belly as she laid on her side. She still had several minutes before she had to leave, so she was making the best out of them.</p><p>As she opened Instagram, another one of those accounts she’d been into lately popped up, which caused her to awe loudly.</p><p>“What?” the older asked, curious to what the other had reacted to.</p><p>Minnie smiled widely as she showed Miyeon the video of the baby playing with a cat. Miyeon wasn’t too amazed. She’d seen babies before, what’s the big deal? To her, the cat was cuter.</p><p>She was going to just smile and nod at the younger until she took the phone away, but then she noticed just how Minnie smiled. It wasn’t a normal happy or teasing smile the younger usually had plastered on her face. No, it was rather hopeful and determined. Miyeon could even see a little smirk, and how the corner of her lip flickered.</p><p>Before she even opened her mouth, she moved her head quickly from side to side.</p><p>“Minnie-“ she started, but was interrupted when the younger placed both her hands on the sides of Miyeon’s face and looked right into her eyes.</p><p>“Miyeon...” she said, she was definitely smirking.</p><p>“No.” the older stated firmly.</p><p>She had just woken up, and was not at all in the mood for this conversation, but the younger still lowered her face so that their lips connected again.</p><p>“Why not?” she asked. “We love each other.” </p><p>Minnie kissed her several more times, before continuing to her cheeks, which gave Miyeon a chance to speak. </p><p>“Yes, but I barely have a job, and we barely have enough money for ourselves.” the older said.</p><p>“But we can solve that.” Minnie said against her skin, now moving down to her neck.</p><p>“We can’t.” Miyeon argued.</p><p>The younger looked up at her and started pouting immediately. She placed her hands on Miyeon’s shoulders and started shaking the entire body.</p><p>“I wanna have a baby with you.” she said through her pout.</p><p>Miyeon thought she looked adorable, and couldn’t help but to bring her thumb up to brush it over Minnie’s cheek.</p><p>“And I wanna have one with you too, just not yet.” she smiled. </p><p>The thai pouted even more, before falling back down on Miyeon’s shoulder, continuing to swipe through her phone.</p><p>The korean was too awakened now to even try to fall back to sleep.</p><p>“Why do you wanna have a baby all of a sudden?” Miyeon asked, shifting her head to get a better view of the younger.</p><p>“I just feel a little guilty.” Minnie said quietly after a sigh.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“‘Cause I feel like killed an innocent child and now I have to make up for it.” Minnie spoke quickly and incoherently, but Miyeon still made the sentence out after some thinking.</p><p>She waited a minute before answering the younger, as she had to think about the answer herself.</p><p>"That’s not how you should feel.” she said, while Minnie bit her lower lip. “Children aren’t products you can choose and change back and forth. They’re a big responsibility."</p><p>Minnie didn’t answer, but Miyeon knew she’d gotten her point across.</p><p>“And you shouldn’t feel guilty.” she said. “You did the right thing.”</p><p>*</p><p>Soojin didn’t like weekends too much. She had nothing else to do than sit and wait for Monday, since she had no friends to hang out with, and her family was cities away.</p><p>There wasn’t much she actually was allowed to do either.</p><p>Mostly, she stayed in the living room and watched the TV while Hui was out doing whatever he does on weekends. And her plans were just that for today, until she heard the buzzing of her phone.</p><p>She didn’t plan on looking at it at first. It was most likely Soyeon, so she couldn’t answer it. Especially not after what happened yesterday. She couldn’t afford another relapse. So Soojin waited out the buzzing, staring at the device the entire time, but never brought it up to her face. She let out a breath, thankful that she made it through, until the phone started buzzing again. That’s stranger, Soyeon never called her twice.</p><p>She picked up her phone, and saw that the caller was her mother. That was even stranger, because her mother hadn’t called in at least a year. </p><p>“Hello?” she answered, barely believing that her mom had intended to call her.</p><p>Maybe it was just a pocket-call.</p><p>“Hello, Soojin darling.” her mother’s voice spoke.</p><p>She sounded tired, like she’d just woken up. But she was trying so bad not to sound down, that she strained her voice several octaves higher.</p><p>“Hi...” the dancer said, still suspicious of the woman’s motives.</p><p>“How are you doing, darling?” her voice was even shaking now.</p><p>“I’m good.” the daughter swallowed a lump in her throat.</p><p>Something was obvious up.</p><p>“Good, good.” the mother said. “Is Hui treating you well?”</p><p>Maybe it was a defence mechanism, to not have to answer her mother’s question, but Soojin quickly switched subject. Maybe she was a bit impatient as well.</p><p>“Why did you call, mom?” she asked, bringing up her hand to her face and starting to pick of the nail polish.</p><p>“Yes, right.” the older woman took a deep breath.</p><p>It was quiet on the line for a long time. Soojin’s breath started getting hitched in her throat as she imagined what her mother could be keeping in her chest. </p><p>“It’s about your sister, darling.” her mom spoke, sniffling as she did.</p><p>Soojin listened quietly as she heard her mother’s sniffles getting louder and louder the more she talked. Soojin’s eyelids and nostrils started shaking as the same time, as her teeth knocked together in a quick motion. She felt the tears flowing up to her eyes, but she did not effort to stop them. Her eyes were big and wide, she imagined she looked as if she’d seen a ghost. Even her hand started shaking, and her breathing got heavy and even more rapid. </p><p>After a while her mind got clogged, and she could no longer hear her mom’s voice. All she could hear was a high beep, ringing so loudly that it made her head hurt.</p><p>She could feel something itching in her cheek, but she didn’t even mind to brush it away as she stayed completely still. The other voice disappeared after some time, but Soojin stayed put.</p><p>All particles around her has stopped. The dust that flew around the room, which was visible when you shone a light on it, had stopped. The clock has stopped ticking, like the birds outside has stopped singing. Everything was completely still, while the tears fell down Soojin’s cheeks.</p><p>*</p><p>The wind was getting colder and colder this time of the year, but that didn’t restrain Shuhua from happily skipping down the road as she made her way to her favourite pet clinic.</p><p>There weren’t much people out, Shuhua figured it was because of the cold. Even the clinic was empty of customers, except the animals who were waiting for their owner to bring them home.</p><p>Shuhua’s coworker looked surprised when he heard the bell on the door chime, and even more so when she saw the taiwanese smiling brightly.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” he asked with a wide smile. “It’s Saturday, you’re not working today.”</p><p>Shuhua smiled as she made her way behind the disk.</p><p>“I’m here to check out the strays.” she said while continuing into a second room.</p><p>That room lead to another room, which led to yet another room, and then she was in the dog’s room. There were several colours and sizes on all the dogs, and Shuhua made sure to greet everyone who walked towards her, but she had her eyes perplexed on two particular puppies playing with a red toy in the corner.</p><p>She carefully walked over to them, careful not to scare them, before hunching down a metre in front of the two.</p><p>One was brown and the other one was black. The brown one was bigger, but they both were still very small and fluffy. </p><p>It took a while for them to even notice her, but when the brown’s head turned her way, she smiled and brought her hand towards the two.</p><p>The brown one smelled her hand immediately, while the black one took a little longer.</p><p>“Hi.” Shuhua said happily when the brown one walked towards her, and soon the black one followed.</p><p>They ended up smelling her jacket over and over, and Shuhua reached to pat the two any chance she got. </p><p>If she couldn’t find a girlfriend, the least she deserved was two dogs that could keep her company. Shuhua was sure these two brighten up her days, and it only took another second before she decided to adopt them. Hopefully the others will agree to it. Maybe she’s have to wait a bit to bring it up.</p><p>*</p><p>For most people, Saturdays meant chilling out at home to one’s favourite movie while eating chocolate all day long. And Minnie would’ve preferred that any day. But, she had to make some kind of income, and that meant working on Saturdays when everyone else were enjoying their weekend.</p><p>It was only the beginning of the day, but she’d already gotten two complaints because “the coffee was too bitter” and “I said almond milk, not oat milk”. Maybe it was Minnie’s own fault, but she had never planned to work at a cafe, so she had no earlier skills whatsoever. Except those she’d gathered during her three years in the kitchen in Thailand, but those didn’t apply to coffee or sweets.</p><p>She wasn’t especially good at serving either. Minnie couldn’t count how many times she’d dropped plates and cups onto the floor. And she didn’t seem to be learning either. She was just not meant for this job.</p><p>Some time in the future she hoped to get a better job, but since she hadn’t even graduated high school, the chances of her getting an actual good job were pretty low.</p><p>At least she was kind and talkative to the customers. Minnie was sure that was the only reason she hadn’t been fired yet.</p><p>The line was long today, like it usually was on Saturdays when everyone wanted to grab a coffee with their friend. Minnie had already taken more orders than she could count, but people just kept coming and coming. Luckily, she wasn’t alone today. There was Nia, the same Nia who’d shared a room with Soojin in College, out on the floor with her, and someone in the kitchen who she didn’t know the name of. </p><p>“What is your order?” she repeated the same question with the same smile over and over again, all day long.</p><p>Minnie mostly only focused on whoever was ordering, but this time, this time she looked further down the line, to something that caught her eye immediately.</p><p>It was a man with black hair and a couple of wrinkles in his face. Minnie recognised him to be her father immediately.</p><p>She felt a sudden panic, a pain in her chest and how her body heated up, but then she blinked, and the man disappeared.</p><p>Minnie frown as she mumbled a ‘what’. Did her eyes just play with her?<br/>She searched with her eyes down the line, but there was no sight of the man. It must’ve been her eyes.</p><p>The thai took a deep breath, before dismissing whatever just happened, and plastered a wide smile on her face.</p><p>“Hello, what is your order?” she asked the customer in front of her.</p><p>*</p><p>“Stop!” Soyeon complained loudly. “You’re mixing with it!”</p><p>The younger was currently laying across Soyeon’s lap, to reach the computer on the other side of the couch, crushing the keyboard underneath her.</p><p>“I just wanna see what this button does!” the younger complained, pressing down on a blue dot in the music app.</p><p>“No Woogi-“ the older complained, but it was already too late.</p><p>Every single background vocal she’d recorded was now gone, and there was no chance to her it back.</p><p>Soyeon felt the irritation grow inside her, as she had to control her breath to keep it even.</p><p>“One, two, three-“ was how long Miyeon before the younger girls screamed while being tackled by the older.</p><p>Miyeon just kept swaying her brush on her canvas, listening to both girls argue behind the painting. She didn’t get disturbed by them anymore, as they’d done this at least once a day for three years. Plus, she was used to a classroom with high school kids now. She could tackle anything. Although she never was the one to actually scream at the student, and she always hid in a corner when they got too wild...</p><p>She heard a loud thud, but didn’t even look as she continued with the green colour. The leafs she was painting looked a little to bland. She reminded herself to add another shade to them before she moved on to the other tree. </p><p>Miyeon bit her lower lip as she focused on her art, while the two bickering children only grew noisier. She was just about to start on the last leaf, when her phone gave our a signal.</p><p>The oldest let out a scoff as a complaint, before putting down the brush and quickly brushing her hands against her shirt to get the paint off. Then, she reached for her phone which was placed in her pocket, and answered without even looking at the called ID.</p><p>“Hi, this is Miyeon.” she answered in a happy voice, despite being slightly annoyed just seconds before.</p><p>“Miyeonie.” the usually calm voice said, appearing to be upset.</p><p>“Soojin?” the older cousin asked, now frowning and carefully standing up.</p><p>She could see Soyeon’s head perk up in the distance, as she slowly walked a few steps away from her painting.</p><p>“Miyeonie...” the younger said once again, and Miyeon could hear her voice broke, and how she swallowed hard before sniffing.</p><p>“Hey, what’s up?” Miyeon asked in the calmest voice she could.</p><p>Soyeon started frowning as well, and looked down at Yuqi, who was showing the same face.</p><p>Miyeon mumbled from the corner of the apartment, only causing Soyeon’s heart to beat faster and faster every minute. It was obvious that it was something important, otherwise the oldest wouldn’t look so nervous. </p><p>Miyeon walked back and forth as she listened to Soojin’s sniffles and stutters. She tried to make sense of the words but the younger was talking too incoherently. That was until she made out the three words, and everything around her fell apart.</p><p>“What do you mean?” the older asked, not meaning to sound so enraged but she couldn’t help it.</p><p>Soojin’s voice had gone up in pitch so much by now that it was impossible for Miyeon to heat anything she was saying, but the younger kept stuttering and whispering out the words, repeating them over and over again.</p><p>Soojin noticed that the older wasn’t saying anything anymore, but at least she knew she was there. It wasn’t anything close to being next to her, but closer than they usually were.</p><p>She would’ve stayed in the call the entire night, if only she didn’t hear Hui unlocking the door. </p><p>“Mi-Miyeonie, I-I have to g-go.” she stuttered in a whisper.</p><p>“What? No, Soo stay with me, please.” the older said, her voice forced.</p><p>“I-I can’t.” Soojin whispered.</p><p>She wanted to say goodbye, but her phone was ripped away from her ear before she could. The dancer kept her head down, she couldn’t show him that she was crying. </p><p>“Who was that?” he asked.</p><p>Soojin couldn’t answer. Her voice would give away her vulnerability. Instead, she kept quiet and felt herself growing smaller and smaller.</p><p>*</p><p>Soojin felt the burning pain in her side, and the strong hands holding her up. Her head was resting on his chest, as she tried to catch her breath. She felt her already swollen cheek swell even more, but her hip was hurting more.</p><p>“No more slip backs.” he instructed close to her ear.</p><p>Soojin could do nothing else than nod.</p><p>He sighed and let his hand wander up to her hair, that he played with between his fingers. Her brown hair was long and smooth, gliding across the skin of his hand.</p><p>“Do you want to answer my question now?” he asked in a calm voice as he brushed his fingers through the hair. “What we’re you two talking about?”</p><p>Soojin couldn’t remember how many times he’d asked the same thing in the last hour, at least a punch didn’t follow after it this time.</p><p>“Soojin?” he asked.</p><p>His voice was growing more stern, and his grip was getting stronger.</p><p>“We-“ she started, but her voice broke.</p><p>She couldn’t bring herself to say it. She found no words.</p><p>“You?” Hui asked, his voice louder, making Soojin’s lower lip shiver.</p><p>“Y-Yejin.” the female dancer stuttered, her voice uneven and forced. “It’s Yejin.”</p><p>*</p><p>Yuqi was almost half asleep. She was so tired these days. Maybe it was the beds at the dorm, or the fact that she couldn’t seem to wake up later than six in the morning. And the fact that her close friend had passed away didn’t help.</p><p>Soyeon’s room was however too hot for a living person to stay in it, so her pyjama shirt was thrown somewhere on the floor while the duvet covered her up to her waist. Her back was particularly warm, causing her to turn around to her belly, as she spread her arms around her.</p><p>Just five minutes ago she could still hear the humming from the kitchen, followed by Minnie’s comment and a tapping off a pen. The sound had disappeared now, but Yuqi was too exhausted to care.</p><p>Her eyelids felt heavy and her body was just falling into an unconscious state, before the door opened loudly and a figure landed on top of her.</p><p>“Soyeon...” Yuqi groaned, but it came out muffled as she was far too tired to open her mouth more than necessary.</p><p>“Woogi.” the older responded happily.</p><p>Her legs and arms were thrown around the younger, as her cheek laid between Yuqi’s shoulder blades. She felt how warm the other was, but that was good as she herself was freezing. She always heated up her room but that didn’t seem to help.</p><p>“Tired...” Yuqi muttered.</p><p>She felt her mind drifting away more and more by the minute.</p><p>Soyeon smiled and placed a chaste kiss on her girlfriend’s shoulder.</p><p>“That’s fine,” she said, “we can fall asleep together.”</p><p>The younger only groaned as a reply, and Soyeon kissed her skin once more before standing up to head out to the bathroom. She came back only a few minutes later, make up off and clothes turned into nightwear. Yuqi hadn’t moved a centimetre, so Soyeon was sure she’d fallen asleep.</p><p>But the lamp beside the chinese was still gleaming. Since she needed the light to not stumble around the room, she kept it on until her night routine, which wasn’t much of a routine as it only consisted of throwing her clothes away onto a chair. Then, she quietly walked to Yuqi’s side of the bed. Before reaching for the lamp, she studied her girlfriend’s sleeping face, before her eyes trailed down to her back. Soyeon didn’t notice anything at first, until she saw small, blue circles just before the waistband.</p><p>The girl couldn’t tell what it was, so she lowered herself closer, until she noticed the shift of colour between blue, purple and a light pink. The marks were small, but they were fully visible.</p><p>“Woogi.” Soyeon called, while brushing her hand over the warm, bruised skin.</p><p>“Mm...” the younger let out, she was starting to sound irritated.</p><p>“Have you always had marks here?” Soyeon asked, tracing her fingers over them.</p><p>The younger sighed, as if pushing out her anger.</p><p>“I’ve got scars from the bone marrow transplants.” she muttered.</p><p>“These are not scars.” Soyeon said. “They’re bruises.”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>Soyeon used her phone to snap a quick picture, before she shoved it in front of Yuqi’s face. The younger blinked several times before opening her eyes much enough to see her surroundings, and what was in front of her.</p><p>She saw the parts in blue, and she had a good guess what they meant, but she was too tired to think of it now. Plus, she didn’t want to worry her girlfriend.</p><p>“What is it?” Soyeon asked, looking between the picture and and Yuqi’s face.</p><p>Yuqi tried her hardest not to show any shift of emotion, so she closed her eyes and waited for the older to take the phone away.</p><p>“Yuqi?” Soyeon asked, shoving Yuqi’s shoulder.</p><p>“Mhm.” the younger said, squeezing her lips together in a tight line.</p><p>“Hey!” Soyeon complained. “I’m getting worried!”</p><p>Yuqi sighed, before rolling around to her back. She brought her own hand to the older’s one, and helped her to the bed. Soyeon, with a heart pounding a little quicker than it normally did, laid down on the mattress, not minding how much she invaded Yuqi’s side. Her head fell down on the younger’s shoulder, and she instantly felt the heat from the warm skin hit her cheek.</p><p>“I’ll get it checked when we get back from the funeral.” Yuqi said in a sentimental voice, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl.</p><p>She knew she was going to wake up dripping in sweat in the middle of the night.</p><p>“Is it something bad?” Soyeon asked, Yuqi could hear how her voice almost broke.</p><p>“I’m sure it’s nothing.” the younger said, and brushed her fingers along Soyeon’s side.</p><p>She was so tired before, but now, she couldn’t fall asleep.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>what are your thoughts on the sudden death?</p><p>i’ve been busy solving a murder mystery, sorry for late update. if you wanna join the mystery, here’s the @ on twitter @IKILL_AU</p><p>twitter: @elisaisokiswear<br/>curiouscat: @elisaisokiswear</p><p>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. If we should weep when clowns put on their show</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i’m sorry for a late update. and i’m sorry if this chapter is lacking. i couldn’t really focus on it as i haven’t been feeling the best the last couple of days. but i hope you enjoy it and that i see you in the next chapter.</p><p>please leave some encouraging words if you want to, they really make me more inspired!</p><p>WARNINGS: mention of death and drugs.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*<br/>Soojin felt the bag bounce against the back of her legs as she made her way to the car. Hui was right in front of her, wearing nothing but a housecoat and slippers.</p><p>He wasn’t planning on coming with her, of course. He didn’t have the time, he said. But Soojin was sure it just was because he didn’t feel like interacting with her family.</p><p>That’s why he’d called for the cab Soojin currently was getting into, as he talked to the driver. </p><p>“Will that amount be enough?” Hui asked as he smiled his charming smile.</p><p>The driver would fall for it, of course. They always fell for Hui’s smile.</p><p>A minute later he turned his attention to his girlfriend, who hadn’t closed the door just because of this reason.</p><p>He lowered his face to her, abs placed a chaste kiss on her lips.</p><p>“Be good now.” he whispered in her ear, making her entire body get goosebumps. “Remember that I’m only helping you recover. And we don’t wanna fall back on square one, do we?”</p><p>Soojin moved her head from side to side as he caressed her cheek.</p><p>“Good.” he said. “I’ll see you in a couple of days. Love you.”</p><p>He kissed her once more, before closing the door for her.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Miyeon tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the music. Minnie had turned it up all the way, and the four younger were currently singing and dancing widely to it. Yuqi dramatically letting out all notes she had, and Shuhua loudly punching her fist in the roof. The oldest couldn’t laugh, but at least she smiled. Especially when Minnie started blasting a love song, which the three in the back loudly complained to, and grabbed Miyeon’s hand while she loudly sang it for her.</p><p>It was a calm and good atmosphere in the car. No one had been fighting, which was a huge surprise to Miyeon. But she guessed they all respected that she wasn’t feeling the best right now. And Yuqi didn’t seem to be in the mood for negative feelings, as she continued joking and speaking loudly throughout the entire ride. She handled grief in a whole different way than Miyeon did, it seemed.</p><p>After about an hour of driving, the youngest started complaining about how hungry she was. She pointed out every fast food place they drove past for at least fifteen minutes before Soyeon grew tired of it.</p><p>“Okay, just stop and let the whiny child eat something.” the song writer said, owning a glare from Shuhua.</p><p>But Shuhua had Soyeon to thank, because Miyeon flicked a button, and a beeping sound filled the car, before she made a turn into a small area with a McDonald’s, and another couple of sketchy-looking restaurants.</p><p>There were only a few cars parked on the small parking lot, one of the cars looking like it had been standing there for longer than Miyeon had been alive, with a rusty roof and tired wheels.</p><p>“Be quick, I’ll wait in the car.” Miyeon said as the others started getting out.</p><p>She let her head fall back against the chair, before someone knocked loudly on her window. As she looked to the side, she saw Shuhua with a deep frown on her face, motioning with her hand for Miyeon to join them. The other three were just behind her, all looking at Miyeon through the window. </p><p>The older sighed, before unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the door. </p><p>“Yuqi made a bet she’d be able to eat forty nuggets.” Shuhua explained as she helped the other out, and closed the door behind her.</p><p>“And she’ll buy us all ice cream if she fails.” Minnie added, holding out her hand that Miyeon grabbed.</p><p>The thai smiled fondly as she looked at Miyeon’s lips rising the slightest.</p><p>“With what money were you planning on doing that?” the oldest asked wait a faint grin, looking at Yuqi as they all started walking towards the restaurant.</p><p>“I won’t be needing any money ‘cause I won’t fail.” the chinese stated, straightening her back. “And if I by any chance were to fail, Soyeon would gladly pay for me.”</p><p>“Nope.” the older remarked, rapidly turning towards Yuqi. “It’s your bet, you’ll have to deal with the consequences when you fail.”</p><p>Yuqi clicked her tongue, closing her eyes as she did before opening them again. She then sent a glare to everyone, as she reached for the door. </p><p>There were only a few people in the restaurant, most of them staff with white aprons and red hats. A woman with a broom smiled at them as they walked in, and the cashier greeted them with an awkward smile.</p><p>“What can I get for you?” she asked, looking between the five and the machine in front of her.</p><p>“I want forty chicken nuggets, a coke and a small fries.” Yuqi smiled.</p><p>The cashier’s smile fell when the chinese placed her order, and she nodded politely but was clearly distressed.</p><p>Soyeon apologised with a shrug as her eyes met the other’s, before she placed her own order. The hungry girl followed, before the last two ordered and Minnie used her card to pay.</p><p>It took longer than it usually did before their food was down, but they couldn’t blame anyone. Yuqi had probably bought their entire stack of nuggets. But finally, they all could sit down at their table and watch Yuqi press the food into her mouth. </p><p>Soyeon bit down on her burger, as she watched Yuqi chew the nugget in her mouth. The girl’s cheeks grew big as she munched, and Soyeon wanted to squeeze them so bad. But she stopped herself before she accidentally pressed all chicken out of the chinese’s mouth.</p><p>“We should do something for Christmas.” Shuhua blurted out as she slurped her drink. “I wanna go somewhere. Away from Seoul.”</p><p>“Like where?” Minnie asked.</p><p>“I don’t know.” the youngest answered.</p><p>“We could rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere!” Yuqi said with a mouthful of food.</p><p>“No, I don’t wanna die.” Minnie stated.</p><p>Miyeon considered the thought for a minute. They would all be free the days around Christmas, and Miyeon, Minnie and Soyeon wouldn’t have anywhere to go celebrate anyways. They’d celebrated with Yuqi and Shuhua’s family a year, alone another year and Miyeon had gone home to the town one year. The only part of it she enjoyed was spending time with her cousins, but Soojin wasn’t even there.</p><p>“I think a cabin would be fun.” she said, getting all eyes on her. “We could bring food and everything and just chill there.”</p><p>She believed it was a great idea. They all needed a little time away from everything, especially now.</p><p>“A cabin it is then.” Minnie swallowed another bite. </p><p>“Maybe Soojin will come with us.” Soyeon stated, more wishful than an actual question.</p><p>The chances of Soojin going with them were minimal, if they even were there at all. She’d celebrated Christmas with Hui’s family for three years now, and she hadn’t even answered Miyeon on the day. </p><p>But, they could still wish. And everyone seemed like they did as they longed in front of them, but Miyeon did however notice Shuhua’s face getting blank. All emotions left for a short second, before she turned to her sister.</p><p>“How many have you even eaten yet?” she asked loudly.</p><p>“Uhm...” Yuqi said, trying to count the nuggets in front of her but it obviously being impossible. “Nineteen.”</p><p>No one believed her, of course. Soyeon knew she’d eaten eight, as she’d made sure Yuqi wasn’t cheating. </p><p>Well, their lunch ended with all of them holding an ice cream in their hand. Soyeon frowned as Yuqi kissed her cheek, and happily placed her spoon in her mouth.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The taxi stopped right in front of her house, and the driver wished her a good evening when she got out. </p><p>The house looked just the same as it always had. The same white paint, the same fancy looking window frames. Even the grass was the same, although the temperature was turning colder and snow would start falling any day now.</p><p>Soojin was, however, not the same. She wasn’t her usual calm and reserved self. No, Soojin was angry. </p><p>Her steps were hard against the stone as she walked towards the house. The doorsteps made her feet hurt as she harshly pressed them down against it, before her hand reached for the lock with the key, and quickly pushed it in.</p><p>She’d just unlocked the door, when she swung it open and breathed heavily as she took a step into the house.</p><p>“Mom!” she didn’t waste a minute before she screamed. “Mom!”</p><p>She heard some sounds from the living room, and soon enough, the woman was just in front of her. Her steps were slow and lazy, as if she hadn’t stood up for days. And the smile she gave out was as fake as they come.</p><p>“Hello Soojinie-“ the mother said, her voice breaking.</p><p>“No.” the girl caught her off. “You didn’t call me earlier. Why didn’t you call me earlier?”</p><p>The older woman’s gaze fell to the floor, as a frown grew stronger and stronger on Soojin’s face. She hadn’t closed the door yet, and the wind sounded loud behind her back.</p><p>“She would’ve wanted me here, mom.” the dancer said between her teeth. “She wanted me here, I know she did.”</p><p>The room fell silent as Soojin bit back on her words. She heard sniffling coming from the other, and although she couldn’t see her face, she saw the tears dripping down and meeting the wooden floor.</p><p>Maybe she came off a little too strongly, but what else could she do? She was mad, after all. How could her sister, her favourite person in the entire world, be dying and Soojin had no idea? </p><p>“You should’ve just called me when the cancer came back.” she stated, voice calmer now that she was looking at her mom.</p><p>“She didn’t-“ the mother started muttering.</p><p>Soojin’s eyebrows furrowed as she heard her mother trying to speak.</p><p>“It wasn’t the cancer.” the woman said between her tears. “It was...”</p><p>The dancer wasn’t sure she wanted her mother to finish her sentence. There were only a few explanations of this, and Soojin wanted none of them because they all lead to one outcome.</p><p>“Her boyfriend called.” the older woman started, her voice breaking and her eyes not drifting from the floor. “He found her unconscious at the party they were at. She had...”</p><p>Soojin had to fight against the salty water forming behind her sockets. </p><p>“...drugs in her system when they found her.” the mother started bawling, sending out loud groans as her tears fell widely. “They couldn’t save her.”</p><p>Her mother’s hand went up to her face, holding them there as she turned around to go to the bathroom.</p><p>Soojin fought to keep her tears in, as she stood still just by the door with the wind screaming behind her. She wanted to join it. Scream out all her anger and sadness, and all the other feelings she kept hidden under her shell. Get them all out in one go and then be a normal human being. But she couldn’t.</p><p>Instead, she stood still. Bubbling on the inside with the anger and the sorrow. She stood there, until her legs took a turn to her bedroom, where she buried herself deep in her bed.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>It was dark when the girls arrived in Miyeon’s old car. It wasn’t rusty and it didn’t sound like a metal box like you would imagine an old car to be like. It was still bully black and looked modern, but the lack of air conditioning and the fact that the music stereos only worked in the front, gave away its seven years of use.</p><p>“You have to buy a new car, Miyeon.” said the chinese girl as she got out of the car. “I don’t think I’ve ever sweated as much as I did just now.”</p><p>Yuqi didn’t fail to catch the teasing grin Soyeon gave her, but chose to ignore it completely.</p><p>“And you have to get more seats in it, it’s getting cramped in the back.” the girl continued.</p><p>“How rich do you think we are?” Minnie asked, eyeing Yuqi.</p><p>“Richer than me.” Yuqi shrugged as she made her way to the front door.</p><p>She didn’t even have to knock or ring the doorbell or anything, before the door shop up revealing both of her parents. Yuqi and Shuhua’s dad smiled fondly, while their squealed and brought both of her daughters into her arms. </p><p>“I’m so happy you’re home.” she said against their necks.</p><p>Soyeon watched as the father joined the hug, making it an adorable group hug. This entire family contained so much love that the song writer could do nothing else than smile as she looked at them. </p><p>The parents even opened their arms even more, welcoming the other three girls into the hug. </p><p>Soyeon smiled as she pressed herself against Yuqi, feeling the chinese mother’s hand squeezing her arm.</p><p>The parents started mumbling something when they let go, before stepping back a few steps which allowed the girls to her in.</p><p>Yuqi was smiling widely as she took her clothes off and waited until Soyeon had did the same before she grabbed her hand and pulled her to the kitchen. Why she did it, Soyeon had no idea, but she wasn’t complaining.</p><p>They could hear the voices from the hallway, as Yuqi stopped the older, grabbed her cheeks and quickly pressed their lips together. Soyeon smiled against the kiss, feeling Yuqi’s softness brush against her.</p><p>The younger pulled away a second later, slightly blushing as she looked down.</p><p>“What was that for?” Soyeon asked, wearing a heavy grin.</p><p>Yuqi slowly looked up, showing of her own wide smile.</p><p>“I’m just really happy to be home.” she said before pecking Soyeon’s lips again.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The oldest three left a little later, as the youngest two deserved time alone with their parents. Plus, there was a possibility of Soojin being home, and the girls wanted to see her. Especially Soyeon. Soojin wouldn’t miss her younger sister’s funeral, right?</p><p>The cousin to the family knocked on the door, and waited with the other two until a little boy opened the door. He had a popsicle in his mouth and a big smile on his face, which only grew bigger when he saw his cousin. </p><p>“Miyeonie!” he screamed and immediately threw himself towards her, and the girl chuckled before hugging him.</p><p>Soon, the boy’s twin sister ran into the hallway and crashed herself against Miyeon’s legs.</p><p>Minnie looked as the boy moved his eyes between her and Soyeon, maybe trying to figure out who they were and what they were doing at his door.</p><p>“Yecha, is Soojin home?” Miyeon asked, and the little girl nodded happily. </p><p>Soyeon felt a thrill to her body as she heard, and instantly started searching through the parts of the house she could see. She saw no dancer though.</p><p>But, another woman walked into the hallway. Her eyes were squeezed and red as she tried to smile at the three.</p><p>“Hi.” she said before tightly wrapping her arms around her sister’s daughter. </p><p>Miyeon hugged her back tightly, and felt just how tense the woman was. Loosing a child must be the absolute worst thing to happen to anyone. The thought made the girl drift her mind to her girlfriend for a second, before her aunt let go of her.</p><p>“Welcome home, Miyeon.” she said and smiled, and squeeze Miyeon’s upper arm as she did so. “Welcome to the two of you as well.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Minnie said with a polite smile, while Soyeon started taking her jacket off.</p><p>“Oh, right.” Miyeon said under her breath. “I know it’s a lot to ask but... is there any chance Minnie and Soyeon can stay here?”</p><p>“Yes, sure.” the woman answered, looking between the three. “You’re not going home?”</p><p>“No I-“ the youngest of the friends started saying, but the thai quickly cut her off.</p><p>“Not this time.” Minnie said.</p><p>The older woman nodded, before taking a few steps away from the girls. Yechul and Yecha had both run away somewhere, but Minnie didn’t notice it happen.</p><p>Instead, she hung up her coat and placed away her shoes, and watched as Soyeon did the same. Miyeon was making small talk with her aunt, before she too hung up her clothes.</p><p>“Soojin is just upstairs.” the mother smiled, and Soyeon didn’t listen any longer before she hurried up the stairs.</p><p>The older two were still chatting with the oldest woman, Soyeon could hear their voices behind her. If she was polite, she would’ve stayed with the others and answered questions about what she’d been up to, how she was feeling, and everything else the woman faked to be interesting in. But Soyeon luckily dropped her polite side years ago.</p><p>She ran down the hallway, and didn’t even stop as she opened the door. Her movements were quick and rapid, startling the girl inside the room.</p><p>Soojin had been laying down on her bed, not doing anything else than fighting to keep her steady breathing. It was to no avail, as the second she saw the short producer, her heart pumped heavily as her breath got hitched in her throat.</p><p>Soyeon’s face was flushed from her sprint, and her body flexed in a stand as if she was about to attack something. But she was standing still, smiling widely as she was looking at Soojin. The dancer stood up, slowly, her mouth falling open as her eyes squeezed. She started feeling a burning sensation in them, and had to blink over and over, but she couldn’t stop the water from start producing. And soon, a tear fell down her cheek.</p><p>The younger girl quickly made her way to her best friend, and felt the girl stiffen when she put her arms around her. The stiff girl soon laid all her weight in Soyeon’s arms, as she started moving her chest hard. The younger girl knew she was crying, even if she wouldn’t let out a sound.</p><p>They stood there for several minutes, Soyeon had lost time. She hadn’t been counting anyways, as everything stopped the second she had Soojin in her arms.</p><p>The girl felt and smelled just the same, but Soyeon could feel that there was something off about her. She couldn’t think about it though, not now.</p><p>Instead, they stayed there, even when Soyeon heard Miyeon and Minnie pass behind them, she didn’t let go. She just held her best friend, her soulmate, close. </p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>who do you think Soyeon is closest to, Soojin or Yuqi?</p><p>thank you for reading! stay safe and healthy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. If we should stumble when musicians play</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! i’m not really that inspired right now, but i’m hoping it’ll get better soon. this is probably the shortest chapter yet, i’m sorry.</p><p>WARNINGS: death, mention of abuse.</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotok<br/>curiouscat: elisaandpeggy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>The mirror was big and dirty as Soojin looked into it. It probably hadn’t been cleaned for several years, but it hadn’t been used in several years either, so Soojin really couldn’t blame her mother. It still belonged to the white desk by the wall, stood proudly above her makeup products. Make up that was mostly base and red lipstick.<br/>
 <br/>
Redness slowly coloured her lips as she let the makeup run over them, gently pushing her lips together as she was done.<br/>
 <br/>
Her cousin was on the side of her, brushing through her hair, looking at nothing particular at all. The brush moved slowly as her hands hugged the hair after it, and her eyelids laid lazily, as if she barely tried to keep them open.<br/>
 <br/>
Soojin’s eyes stayed still on her, staring as she slowly fixed the colour in the corners of her lips.<br/>
 <br/>
“You can’t wear a hoodie to a funeral!” suddenly blasted from the door, before two flustered girls, one in a black dress and the other one in a black hoodie, stopped in their tracks.<br/>
 <br/>
They must’ve gotten the energy in the room, as both Soojin and Miyeon looked at them with empty eyes. Minnie bit her lip while Soyeon gave them a lazy smile. Then, both eyes went away from them. The thai turned towards the other, and raised her eyebrows slightly, before Soyeon rolled her eyes and walked right back out of the room.<br/>
 <br/>
The contend Minnie made her way towards her girlfriend and held her hand out for the brush. Miyeon soon gave it to her, and let the other pull it through her hair.<br/>
 <br/>
“We’re leaving in ten minutes.” said Minnie carefully, in case she were to trigger any of their tears.<br/>
 <br/>
And just like she’d said, they did leave ten minutes later. The drive there was quiet, and the atmosphere even heavier than it had been in the room earlier.</p><p>Soyeon supposed it’s what she could expect. They’d all lost a family member, probably the most favoured family member as well. </p><p>They all decided to stay in the car for sometime, to ‘calm their nerves’, although it actually was to let Soojin’s mom cry before they entered the church.<br/>
 <br/>
***<br/>
 <br/>
Shuhua fiddled with her hands as Yuqi bumped against them when they walked down the street. They were heading to the town’s only church, alike at least half of the citizens. Living in a small town meant you knew nearly everyone, no matter if you want it or not.<br/>
 <br/>
The taiwanese felt the sweat on her palms. It was only getting heavier as they got closer to the building.<br/>
 <br/>
It was still a block away, but her heart pumping loudly didn’t seem to understand that. She could almost feel all the blood her heart was sending out every second, as she fought to keep her breathing steady.<br/>
 <br/>
Shuhua liked to believe she was over Soojin. At least most days. She could usually go an entire week without thinking about her now, which was good considering how it was before. But how come her body reacted like this now?<br/>
 <br/>
She couldn’t remember the last time she was this nervous. Not even when she’s placed at a new clinic is she this nervous. Maybe because she knew what would happen. She’d go in, get her schedule and stand by the cashier until they trusted her enough to go near the animals. But now, with this, she had no clue what to do or how to act. And what the hell was she supposed to say?<br/>
 <br/>
“Don’t say anything.” her sister had answered as she asked in a state of panic.<br/>
 <br/>
Shuhua was sure she was completely red in the face by now.<br/>
 <br/>
“What do you mean ‘don’t say anything’?” the taiwanese asked in a high-pitched voice. “She’s my best friend and I haven’t seen her for years! Well, was…”<br/>
 <br/>
“You don’t owe her anything, Shu.” the older said. “She’s the one who hurt you, not the other way around.”<br/>
 <br/>
“Yeah, I know, but-“<br/>
 <br/>
“No buts.” Yuqi continued firmly. “You’re gonna get false expectations if you get yourself into it again.”</p><p>They made a turn, closer to the church. There was several people in line to get into the church </p><p>“Just don’t look at her and try to ignore her.” the chinese adviced.<br/>
 <br/>
*<br/>
*<br/>
*<br/>
 <br/>
Yuqi knew Shuhua would listen to absolutely no words she’d told her earlier. The girl would most likely fall apart, scream for Soojin only with her stare. </p><p>Well, Yuqi tried at least.</p><p>Shuhua eyed down the people walking into the church. There were several older people, and some she recognised since high school. Most people where however new faces. </p><p>Then, she saw Minnie and Soyeon quietly walked in on the stone floor, searching with their eyes through the crowd. They soon found the younger two, and sat down beside them.</p><p>Shuhua felt her heart beating even harder, her palms basically dripping. She bit her inner cheek to keep herself from shaking, but it wasn’t working at all. Anyone could see her state, but she’d take Yuqi’s scolding later.<br/>
 <br/>
Her heart skipped an extra beat, and then- there she was. In the bright light, not hiding behind anything, walking down beside her cousin and siblings. Shuhua had forgotten how beautiful the girl really was. Everyone in the room wore black dresses, but Seo Soojin still managed to stand out.<br/>
 <br/>
There was just something about the girl, the same thing Shuhua had fallen in love with several years ago. </p><p>The younger girl made it a mission to look away from Soojin as much as she managed, but that was quickly a destroyed mission when the older girl looked back at her, letting the mole under her eyes infiltrate all of Shuhua’s senses.</p><p>Soojin wasn’t planning on meeting her gaze, but it happened, and now she couldn’t look away.</p><p>She even kept looking back and forth throughout the ceremony, and saw how the taiwanese kept looking back at her as well.</p><p>Every time their eyes met, Soojin’s belly started tickling and her ears turned red. It made her want to throw up. </p><p>Even afterwards, when they through their friends were placed close to each other, she found her eyes tracing back to Shuhua’s features. Maybe she should thank the younger girl, for keeping her mind away from the casket. Or... maybe she shouldn’t.</p><p>“Miss Nicha!” a stranger exclaimed. “Fancy to see you here!”</p><p>It was a man with a wide smile. He looked like he was at a wedding rather than a funeral. Happy and bubbly didn’t fit under these dark clouds.</p><p>“I haven’t seen you around for a while!” he said, reaching to the thai for a hug.</p><p>Soojin had no idea who he was, but Minnie seemed to know him.</p><p>“Now that I think of it, I haven’t seen anyone in your family around. Mac was the last one in town, right?” he talked almost too quickly for Soojin to tell what he was saying.</p><p>“I would guess so.” Minnie smiled politely.</p><p>The man continued talking about whatever he was talking about with her, as she stayed quiet and just nodded. After what felt like an eternity, they finally got rid of his cologne in their nostrils.</p><p>“My father’s colleague-“ Minnie started explaining but was cut off by the man.</p><p>“Ah, I almost forgot.” his smile suddenly disappeared when he bowed to the dead girl’s sister and her cousin. “I’m sorry for your loss.”</p><p>God, Soojin hated funerals. But she still smiled politely and waited for him to walk away.</p><p>There were about an hour left of this hell, talking to people she barely knew before eating some kind of big meal. </p><p>Soojin knee Yejin wouldn’t have wanted this. Yejin would’ve wanted an upbeat party with no sad tissues, no classily made table and no guests in black clothes. Soojin should’ve dressed up like a rainbow today, just to serve Yejin right.<br/>
 <br/>
*<br/>
*<br/>
*<br/>
 <br/>
The four older girls got home hours later. Since it was the family who held the gathering, they had to be the last ones to leave. Soojin would’ve left hours ago if she could decide. Why celebrate someone’s death with a room full of screaming children and sweets?<br/>
 <br/>
The dancer rushed up the stairs without saying anything to anyone, and Soyeon soon followed with easy steps. Miyeon, who felt her eyes sting like never before, was seated down in the living room as she waited for Minnie to bring her a glass of water.<br/>
 <br/>
Her body was slowly moving from side to side, rocking herself to stay calm. Minnie soon sat down right beside her, close enough to hold the other up if she were to fall.<br/>
 <br/>
The older thanked the other with a smile before grabbing the glass. She slowly brought it to her lips and took a few sips, before placing it down on the coffee table in front of her. Minnie watch her closely, keeping her hand safely on the other’s shoulder.<br/>
 <br/>
Miyeon fell back on the couch with a helpless sigh, making Minnie follow her back. The older moved closer to the other, as she let out another sigh.<br/>
 <br/>
She felt the tears burn in her eyes, and it wouldn’t take long until they left her again. But she didn’t mind. This entire household was just tears on top of tears now. There hadn’t been a real conversation without a single tear since they returned home. Even the youngest two, who both barely knew what was going on, were crying. Even right now, Miyeon could hear her boy cousin’s sniffles matched with his mom’s. The man mumbled something here and there, but it was mostly the cries that sounded from somewhere in the house.<br/>
 <br/>
Minnie gently pulled Miyeon closer. The older’s face was a mixture of pain and emptiness. Minnie would do anything to wipe it off.<br/>
 <br/>
“Why does everyone I love pass away from me?” the korean spoke in a broken voice.<br/>
 <br/>
The thai pulled her even closer, making Miyeon’s body turn to press against her own. The older stayed there, not moving a muscle. She let those burning tears leave her eyes yet again, while Minnie wiped them off with her clothing.<br/>
 <br/>
*<br/>
*<br/>
*<br/>
 <br/>
The female dancer made her way into her little sister’s room. It hadn’t changed since the last time she was here, with the black walls and purple curtains. Her bed was neatly made and her laundry placed on her brown desk, beside her colour pencils and stacked notebooks. Right in front of the bed was the bookcase.<br/>
 <br/>
To anyone, it would’ve just been a wooden box with Beckett, John Green and several writers no one ever has heard about. But to Yejin, it was her entire childhood. Everything she knew was in those books. Everything she’d ever learned and ever would learn. Her personality laid within those books. And therefore, they were what Soojin had to treasure the most.<br/>
 <br/>
She was scared to touch them at first. Maybe they’d disappear, and the last thing she had of the person she loved the most would be gone. But when her hand landed on the green cover of a half-read book, her heart made a cry and the tears started spilling.<br/>
 <br/>
She didn’t however move a metre away from the case. Instead, her fingers roamed over the covers in different colours, before they stopped over a certain one. It was blue and had two thought bubbles on the cover, one in black and one in blue. In both bubbles was the word ‘maybe’, which Yejin had taught her years ago was a promise to stay together as long as the nature would let them. Soojin thought it was cheesy, but Yejin loved it. Of course.<br/>
 <br/>
The older sister brought up the book to her hold and backed a few steps until she sat down on the bed. She let her eyes travel over the object in her hands, as the tears fell, and memories played in her mind. They danced together in harmony, slowly allowing the girl travel deep into her mind.</p><p>
  <em>“Why are you reading such a depressing book anyways?” Soojin asked.<br/>
“It’s not depressing! It’s about people like me who still were able to find love. That’s beautiful.” the younger sister answered. “It’s a beautiful book which just happens to make you depressed for a week or two.”</em>
</p><p>Soojin thought Yejin’s view on love was the purest of all. Yejin believed love was beautiful and unconditional. But Yejin hadn’t lived the life Soojin had lived. The younger girl didn’t remember how her aunt had used drugs while her husband watched, and daughter cried. How that husband yelled at the mom every night, told her what a bad mom and wife she was. The younger girl hadn’t watched her father be dragged away into a police car, while her mother stood still by the front door with a guilty frown. The mother then neglected her older daughter’s wishes of seeing her father, and met a ‘replacement’ instead. The younger girl hadn’t been beaten, over and over again for laying her eyes on the wrong person. She hadn’t seen her best friend almost die in her best friend’s mother’s arms, simply for acting on her love. She hadn’t spent years in denial and frustration, just because she loved the wrong kind. Yejin didn’t know a thing or two about the reality that was love. Love was nasty.</p><p>
  <em>“ “You don’t love Hui, Soojin.” Yejin said.<br/>
“How do you know?”<br/>
“You don’t smile when he texts you.” Yejin simply answered. “If you loved him, you would smile when he texts you.”</em>
</p><p>To love someone doesn’t mean what reaction you give to them. What you say about them. How you portray them for your friends. Love is about the feeling you get inside your chest, the one that makes Soojin want to pull out all her organs at once and scream until there’s no pain left.</p><p><em>“Maybe you should take a chance, like Hazel and Augustus did.” Soojin chuckled as her sister seemed to live in the world sculpted by the author. “It’s not always perfect, but at least you’re alive. Augustus always wanted to make the best out of that.”</em><br/>
 <br/>
Whoever these ‘Hazel and Augustus’ were, they lived on a thread. They had nothing to look forward to, because they would pass anyways. It didn’t matter what they did, because they would be gone before they could even see the outcome.<br/>
 <br/>
<em>“You like her, Soo.” Yejin said. “Just accept that.”</em><br/>
 <br/>
Of course she likes her. There hasn’t been a day the last six years where the taiwanese hasn’t been jumping around in her mind. It’s her first thought when she wakes up and her last when she falls asleep. But even if she acknowledges that fact, it won’t take away her pain and guilt whenever she sees the face in her mind. That ache that haunts her living hours and creeps around in her dreams.<br/>
 <br/>
The dancer saw how her tears stained the book, but she continued staring at it. Not even when a small figure sat down beside her, making the bed squeal, did she move. She felt Soyeon place her arm around her side, bringing the two close together. Soojin rested her head on the shorter girl’s shoulder, and closed her eyes as she hugged the book close.<br/>
 <br/>
Soojin may hate love and everything that comes with it, but one thing is sure; she loves Jeon Soyeon. And this little songwriter doesn’t deserve living without a single word from one of the people she loves the most.<br/>
 <br/>
*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>are you surprised about the last part with Soojin?</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotok<br/>curiouscat: elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Time will say nothing but I told you so</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this week has been crazy, but i’m finally back to myself and i feel a lot better. this was also the first chapter i enjoyed writing in a while, so i hope you’ll like it as well. i felt quite philosophical today, which you might notice.</p><p>WARNINGS: implications of sex, mention of abuse and murder</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Soyeon knew that taking a stroll around her old neighbourhood, where she was as targeted as a moose in the middle of hunting season, wasn’t the best idea. But she hadn’t been able to walk around where she grow up for many years, and now that all her wounds had healed, literally and figuratively, she felt like looking around the area was the final part of her healing. Although that meant putting herself in a quite dangerous situation.</p><p>She reminded herself to be cautious as she walked around, watching every window in every house, feeling goosebumps whenever something would move behind the curtains.</p><p>With the hood over her head, she walked quickly over the streets. She was supposed to walk from Soojin’s house to Yuqi’s, which of course meant passing the one she’d lived in most of her life.</p><p>As she was nearing to it, her head hung lower and lower to hide her face from whatever lurked on the other side of the windows. She didn’t look up once, not until she saw the two crossing streets which meant that she’s passed the house. First then did she lift up her head, turning it back the slightest, but a sound from behind her stopped her from turning it completely.</p><p>Her breathing suddenly got heavier and her feet started moving quicker. She heard another sound from behind her, and that was her cue to start sprinting.</p><p>Luckily, there weren’t many minutes left until she would reach her girlfriend’s family home, but she ran the entire way. Her knuckles knocked harshly at the door, as she stressed looked around her. </p><p>She thought it took several minutes until the door finally opened, to which she hurried inside and quickly locked the door behind her.</p><p>Her back pressed against it as she placed her hand on her chest to calm her breathing.</p><p>“What the fuck happened to you?” her ever-so-sweet girlfriend asked with a chuckle.</p><p>“I-“ Soyeon started but hadn’t caught her breath nearly enough to speak yet.</p><p>“Weren’t you supposed to come with Miyeon and Minnie?”</p><p>The younger girl was snacking on some bread, eyeing Soyeon up and down. The girl really looked like she’d just run from a ghost. That’s when it hit her that the girl had been walking by herself, and passed her old house. And that’s when Yuqi’s eyes widened.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she asked, walking closer to Soyeon and putting a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>Soyeon’s eyes didn’t move at first, before they met Yuqi’s a split second. The younger must’ve seen something vulnerable in them, as she instantly wrapped her arms around the little body. </p><p>The older girl didn’t yank away from the hug, but just placed her head on the shoulder while still trying to get her breath back to normal. Yuqi pressed their faces close together, as the anger and worry grew inside her. She frowned as she tried to soothe her girlfriend.</p><p>After a few minutes, a knock from outside the door startled both of them. Their eyes met, and there was a split second when none of them knew what to do. That was before Yuqi bent down to grab a shoe on the floor, before pressing herself to stand in front of Soyeon.</p><p>“I’m gonna beat the up.” Yuqi said with a tight hold of the object.</p><p>Soyeon squeezed her eyebrows.</p><p>“With a shoe?” she questioned while Yuqi’s hand was travelling to the door handle. “I’m sorry Yuqi but you’ve got the strength of a fork.”</p><p>The chinese glared at her for a second, before she determinedly opened the door. She lifted the shoe as hard as she can, and brought it down until it met something.</p><p>Minnie made a loud cry as she brought her hands up to her head.</p><p>“What’s wrong with you?” she let out through her pain, clearly agitated.</p><p>“Yuqi, what the hell?” the oldest of the four asked as she put her hand on Minnie’s back, as if it somehow would help her.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Yuqi said as she backed away. </p><p>She carefully placed down the shoe, before looking back up at Soyeon who was trying to hold in her laughter. Yuqi glared at her once again.</p><p>“Why would you do that?” Minnie let out through a pout and her irritation as she stepped into the house. </p><p>“Are you okay, Min?” Miyeon asked, but wouldn’t let the other answer before she brought Minnie’s head down with both her hands before kissing her forehead.</p><p>“I am now.” the younger blushed, making Miyeon blush as well.</p><p>“Ew, gross.” Yuqi exclaimed.</p><p>“It’s your fault!” Minnie complained, to which Yuqi rolled her eyes before shutting up.</p><p>“Why are you so loud?” Shuhua’s voice came from the top of the stairs. “If I didn’t know you, I’d think there were a bunch of teenage boys in my house.”</p><p>Her face was puffy and her eyelids barely even open yet. The black mass of hair wasn’t brushed yet either. And Miyeon thought she looked adorable.</p><p>“Aw, ShuShu.” she said and took a step closer to the stairs, waiting for the girl to her down so she could wrap her in a tight hug. “Why do you have to be so cute?”</p><p>The youngest rolled her eyes, but still walked into the hug Miyeon welcomed her to. The oldest girl was the best hugger out of them, after all. Well, second best.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The girls had all gone to the kitchen, to help the chinese father with the dinner they all would get. He had a bit of a bigger belly than he had back in the day, and clearly enjoyed his life a lot more. Especially since he got a job in the local cafe, and got to interact with people all day long. </p><p>“What’s your speciality, Minnie?” he asked with a wide smile, his accent almost as faint as Shuhua’s.</p><p>“Oh I’m only a cashier and I bring out the food to the tables.” the thai said, helping stirring the sauce in the pot.</p><p>Yuqi was seated by the table, beside Miyeon and her mom. All of them were chopping vegetables, and Yuqi didn’t miss Soyeon’s glare every few seconds. </p><p>The mom was smiling widely, listening to all the voices talking in the room. She didn’t understand most of it, but just the warm presence in the house made her happy.</p><p>“No, she said she’d let me in if I practiced some more.” Yuqi argued, frowning a little.</p><p>“Which you won’t ever do.” Shuhua said, bending down to grab a piece of cucumber from Miyeon’s chopping board, and the older of course just let her.</p><p>“I will!” the girl’s voice was louder than the pan’s frying sounds.</p><p>“Soyeon, how long ago did you say that?” Shuhua asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Uh... a year, maybe.” the songwriter sad as she scooped some lettuce onto a plate.</p><p>“Mhm, a year.” Shuhua tapped her finger against her chin. “I haven’t seen you with your guitar like at all in at least a year.”</p><p>Yuqi bit down on her teeth as Shuhua grinned widely.</p><p>“Shuhua, help us out instead of annoying your sister.” the oldest women, who’d clearly sensed the growing annoyance in her oldest daughter, said in their first language.</p><p>The youngest was probably just about to come up with an excuse not to help, when the doorbell rang, and she didn’t even have to use her brain to come up with something.</p><p>She figured it just was a seller or something alike, but it was a save. Saved by the bell, indeed.</p><p>Or maybe not. Because when she opened the door, there wasn’t anyone in a blue hat with a catalog in front of them. All there was, was a petite girl with long dark hair and an evident redness around her eyes.</p><p>“Soojin.” Shuhua said.</p><p>The name sounded odd coming from her mouth. She hadn’t said it in so long, although it always seemed to be precent in her mind. But she usually chose to stay oblivious to that.</p><p>“I thought you weren’t coming...” Shuhua hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it quietly slipped between her lips.</p><p>Soojin nodded. She bit her lower lip, Shuhua didn’t miss how it turned white around where the teeth dug down.</p><p>“I...” the older started. “I didn’t think I was either.”</p><p>Her voice was lower and calmer than normal, and that said a lot coming from this particular dancer. </p><p>Shuhua looked at her for a second, just looked at her with no thoughts at all. It was only when the girl met her eyes, that she realised she should step away to let her enter.</p><p>The older girl nodded slightly before heading inside, feeling awkward as the younger could do nothing but stare at her.</p><p>The sounds from the kitchen were too distant to fill up the silence around the two.</p><p>“You can hang your jacket off here.” Shuhua said, motioning towards the rack of clothes, to which Soojin nodded.</p><p>She did as told, and quietly, and quite uncomfortably, put away her jacket. She also kicked off her shoes, before standing still just by the door.</p><p>Her head hung down, and Shuhua frowned as she wondered what the girl was thinking. She was just about to lead her inside, when Soojin threw herself forwards, straight into Shuhua’s arm.</p><p>The younger girl got startled, to say the least. But then that strong, warm feeling in her chest took over her senses, and she just couldn’t help but pull the girl even closer to her body.</p><p>Soojin’s hair was all over the place, and Shuhua was sure her hand was pulling it somewhere, but the older didn’t seem to mind. Her head was buried deep into Shuhua’s neck, as her breathing made the taiwanese shiver. Shuhua’s eyes were wide, as she couldn’t understand if she actually wanted this or not. She knew the feeling in her chest meant nothing, it was always destined to betray her. Did she actually want this?</p><p>When they pulled away, Soojin being the first to do so, they locked eyes for several moments. Their heads and bodies weee still close to each other, making Shuhua a little nauseous. She was starting to think they never would move away, before a voice called from the kitchen.</p><p>“Shuhua, who was it?” her father asked curiously.</p><p>After answering him, she gestured for Soojin to take the way into the kitchen. Shuhua just had to stand still for a minute more, to reflect on what actually just happened. She stood there, as she heard Soojin being greeted with loud, happy voices.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Shuhua went back into the room after she’d stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes. Well, a few minutes she thought, but the food was done when she got into the kitchen, so she must’ve been in there for longer than a few minutes.</p><p>Everyone was also seated by the table, already eating the food in front of them. They were in some deep conversation, so only her mom noticed her when she sat down. She received a bowl of rice and a sweet smile, before she smiled back and took a bite of the rice.</p><p>“So what, can you be voluntarily lonely?” Minnie asked to the table.</p><p>“No, lonely is just a feeling. You can’t choose a feeling, can you?” Mr. Song asked as he put meat into his mouth.</p><p>“I think you can.” Soyeon said. “I mean, if you choose to distance yourself from everyone although you’ll feel lonely, you’ve voluntarily chose to be lonely.”</p><p>“But no one would distance themselves for others because they wanted to.” Yuqi cut in.</p><p>“I’m sure someone would.” the songwriter answered. “Maybe if you feel bad in your friend group, and you don’t have a family. You don’t wanna be with the friends, so you choose not to. You can still feel lonely.”</p><p>No one seemed to have much to say against that, as all nodded.</p><p>“So lonely is always negative?” Miyeon asked.</p><p>“Yeah, the word itself is negatively loaded.” the thai stated with a mouth full of food.</p><p>“What about alone then, can you choose to be alone?”</p><p>“I think,” Shuhua started before swallowing, “lonely is just a product of being alone. So what Soyeon said earlier applies to being alone.”</p><p>“Then, is it negative to be alone?” the father asked, as he scooped more food into his bowl.</p><p>“Isn’t alone just a state of being?” Yuqi let out.</p><p>“Yeah, I think it all depends on what feeling comes with it. If being alone makes you feel bad, then of course it’s negative.” Soyeon answered.</p><p>“I think it’s always bad.” Soojin said out of nowhere, surprising everyone. “Everyone needs someone they can trust. If we don’t have that, then we just go insane.”</p><p>It was quiet around the table for a while. Everyone seemed surprised the girl actually had spoken, but then more and more of them started to mutter.</p><p>“Yeah, I agree with Soojin.” Minnie said. “Maybe that’s why everyone needs a soulmate? Just to not go insane?”</p><p>“I think that’s putting too much weight on the soulmate then.” Miyeon commented. “You should be able to not go insane without needing another person, right?”</p><p>Their conversation continued through the meal, all asking questions and giving their own answers. They rarely came to an agreement, but that wasn’t needed. It was all individual thoughts and opinions, anyways.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>After the dinner was eaten, the parents respected the girls’ wishes to be left alone. They retracted to their bedroom, and let the younger have the entire bottom floor to themselves. That, of course, meant having monopoly on the couch and the snacks.</p><p>“So we were basically doing it, right?” Yuqi said excitedly, face flushed and a huge smile plastered on it.</p><p>“What do you mean ‘basically’?” Soyeon asked, mimicking the younger girl’s voice on the last word.</p><p>Yuqi rolled her eyes at her, ignoring her comment.</p><p>“And then, the door shuts open from literally nowhere, and guess who comes running in!” she pushed chips into her mouth as she waited for the other’s confused guesses. “Ten girls, all in their cheerleading outfits. Can you imagine the look on their faces when they saw us?”</p><p>Miyeon couldn’t even laugh because of the amount of second hand embarrassed she had, but at least the girls in question could laugh at it. </p><p>“You didn’t lock the door?” Minnie asked through her laughs.</p><p>“Of course we did!” the chinese argued. “But I kinda forgot that my roommate also has a key.”</p><p>A second round of laughs filled the room, and Shuhua didn’t fail to notice how the dancer laughed as well. It wasn’t loud or particularly noticeable, but she did it. Soojin actually smiled, and it made Shuhua’s heart go insane.</p><p>She couldn’t dwell on the feeling however, as Soojin soon brought up her phone to her face before excusing herself and heading down the corridor. Shuhua wondered if Miyeon or Soyeon would follow her, but they didn’t, so Shuhua didn’t either.</p><p>The dancer locked herself in the bathroom, and took a few calming breaths before she answered the phone.</p><p>“Hello.” she said, trying to sound as if she was laying in her bed, ready for sleep.</p><p>“Hey baby.” Hui said on the other line. “How are you doing?”</p><p>His voice was fresh and awake. Funny how he isn’t following the rules he gives her.</p><p>“I’m good.” she answered in short.</p><p>“That’s good. Hey, I got the deal!” he was probably expecting loud cheering on the other line.</p><p>“Yey.” was all he got.</p><p>Soojin wasn’t surprised, excited or feeling anything at all, really.</p><p>“Is that all?” he asked. “I’ve just landed my biggest deal in my career, I expected you to be happy for me.”</p><p>“I am happy.” Soojin said, it was probably the biggest lie so far. “I’m just tired. After the funeral and-“</p><p>“I understand.” he cut her off, of course. “Well, are you doing good? With the rules, I mean.”</p><p>“Yes.” no, that was the biggest lie.</p><p>“Good.” Hui answered. “Well, I guess it’s time for you to sleep, isn’t it?”</p><p>Soojin brought away the phone from her ear for a second, to see that it was one minute past ten. She must’ve missed when he said goodbye, or he just forgot to, because suddenly the call had ended.</p><p>Now, Soojin didn’t like his rules. Of course she didn’t. But she had to follow them, otherwise... But since she’d already broken the biggest one, was there any need to follow any of them? Soojin didn’t think so. </p><p>Soojin always thought something horrible would happen when she broke a rule, something inside her brain, that is. And maybe something did happen, or that something always had been there. But she didn’t feel different from what she was a few hours ago. She was still incredibly sad and confused. </p><p>Doesn’t that mean the rules are pointless?</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The four oldest got home later that night, as they often found themselves drifting away in conversations with no end. But, the night had to end, and Miyeon was almost falling asleep on Minnie’s shoulder, so they decided to head home.</p><p>Miyeon and Minnie disappeared into the guest bedroom even quicker than Soojin noticed, guessing they were both too tired to stand.</p><p>Soyeon had gone away somewhere, Soojin didn’t really know where. The dancer, however, was on her way upstairs. She was planning on going to bed, but when she passed her sister’s room, she just couldn’t. </p><p>‘The fault in our stars’ still rested on the bedside table, halfway open.</p><p>Soojin had made a point earlier, that she didn’t really like the book. It gave unrealistic pictures of love and relationships, and it had corrupted her little sister’s brain into thinking love always is that way. Well, it isn’t.</p><p>Love is the most complicated force on earth, and Soojin hated it. Romantic love, at least. She hated how it could drive people completely insane, no matter what context. You have to kill for the person you love? Sure, let’s go. You have to hide from the person you love? Let’s go underground then. You want to keep the person you love? Abuse them until they can’t leave.</p><p>And it had driven her insane as well. From the age of nine, she had slowly turned more and more insane. And now, she was so deeply buried in her brain that she for so long had thought there was no way out. But maybe today had proven that there was.</p><p>Soojin sat down on her sister’s bed, before throwing her back down and relaxing into the sheets.</p><p>Maybe, if she fought much enough, she could actually make it out of the pit she was in?</p><p>The bed dipped down beside her, before she felt a head on her shoulder and an arm around her.</p><p>Maybe she could stay with Soyeon, and her other friends, just if she fought her way out?</p><p>Soyeon’s breaths were warm and calming, as she drew circles on Soojin’s stomach with her hand. The older girl felt it tickling, but she had a more important thought to focus on now.</p><p>“Soyeon.” she said, before looking to her side to see the girl’s face. “I can’t stay with Hui.”</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>What are “Hui’s rules”?</p><p>thank you for reading! see you in the next update (which will probably be on friday) &lt;3</p><p>leave your thoughts on my curiouscat: @elisaanpeggy, or down in the comments!<br/>twitter: @elisaisnotok</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. There are no fortunes to be told, although</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welcome back! i’m on a break this week so i may update out of the schedule, and maybe a little more than usual. MAYBE.</p><p>WARNINGS: no particular warnings for this time.</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Soojin never told Soyeon exactly what Hui was doing to her, she wasn’t sure her best friend could take it. If Soyeon knew, she would do everything in her power to revenge him, and that is not what Soojin wanted. To be honest, she wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted. All she knew, was that she couldn’t go back to him.</p><p>That’s why she sat down with Miyeon in her own bedroom, her breath wavering as she began talking. She’d broken too many rules in just a few days, and she was just about to break rule number one. She was terrified, but she had also started doubting the rules more and more.</p><p>To help her recover, was Hui’s explanation for them. Sure, it kept her away from all the feelings she’d been feeling lately, but they hadn’t taken them away at all. The way she felt three years ago, was the exact same way she felt now. So she’d never really recovered at all.</p><p>Miyeon stayed silent as she listened to her younger cousin, and Soojin just let everything out. She wasn’t focused on the words she was saying, as she stated at Miyeon’s face instead.</p><p>The older girl nodded front time to time, as she held a frown worried eyes. After some minutes Miyeon placed her hand over Soojin’s, but continued to listen as the younger girl talked.</p><p>None of them knew how much time had went by, but eventually, Soojin’s mouth closed. Her unconsciousness had no more to let out, and Miyeon didn’t seem to have anything to answer it.</p><p>The older stayed silent, her eyes went from Soojin to around the room. The dancer was scared she’d said unknowingly said something bad or triggering or something in that sense. She was going to apologise for her ramble, when the older looked back at her with the most genuine smile.</p><p>She still didn’t say anything, but she moved herself closer on the bed, close enough to wrap her arm around Soojin’s shoulders. The younger melted into the hold, and let Miyeon take her entire weight.</p><p>The older wasn’t planning on saying anything. She figured no words could heal the girl, not that her hug would either. But from being exposed to hard touch for so long, maybe a soft touch could pull her in the right direction.</p><p>“I think I need your help.” the younger girl said after awhile.</p><p>She sounded small, as if what she was saying didn’t actually matter at all. Miyeon, of course, didn’t agree with that one bit. So she squeezed Soojin closer.</p><p>“I’ll help you.” she said.</p><p>Whatever that meant, she’d have to figure out as quickly as possible.</p><p>Well, no quickly was quickly enough, as a car honked outside the window. Soojin walked over to the window, and saw the yellow car waiting for her. </p><p>No part of her wanted to go, but she knew she had to. Hui knew very well where she was, and if she didn’t come home when she said she would, he would never trust her again. Not to speak about the bruises she’d wake up with the next day.</p><p>It didn’t help that Miyeon was pulling her arm, telling her not to go over and over again.</p><p>“Please, Soojin.” the older said. “We’ll file a restraining order against him or something.”</p><p>They were down by the door, Soojin had her shoes halfway on.</p><p>“We wouldn’t be able to in time.” she stated calmly.</p><p>“We’ll do something else then,” the older girl turned desperate, “just don’t leave. Not again.”</p><p>Soojin stopped at that. Miyeon’s voice was broken and weak, and it hurt Soojin just to listen to. But the dancer still opened the door, and slowly looked back at the older.</p><p>“I’ll see you soon.” she reassured, although she could never know if what she was saying was true.</p><p>When Soojin closed the door, and Miyeon had to do everything in her power not to run after her and pull her back inside, she also realised that everything depended on her now. Soojin couldn’t do anything anymore. After telling Miyeon, she’d put the responsibility on her. And Miyeon knew she would do anything in her power to help her younger cousin.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Soyeon was out on a walk once again. She knew it was just as dangerous as last time, but now she was determined. She was going to stop by her house, not shy away from even looking at it. She needed to be over with that part of her life.</p><p>That’s why, her feet moved down the concrete, and she had no good over her head. </p><p>She could see the modern house coming closer and closer to her, the white shining in the sunlight. Soyeon didn’t look away, not a single second.</p><p>The producer felt her heart starting to bear faster, and how her breathing got harder to control. But she continued walking.</p><p>Then, she stood right in front of the house. They had a fence now, which was new. It was made fully in glass, matching with the big windows of the house. Soyeon wondered if they built it to keep people out, or to keep them in.</p><p>The lawn was just the same fake, green colour as several years ago, and the windows were just as clean.</p><p>There wasn’t much to see really. No greenery, no curtains, no carpets. Just like it was when she lived here.</p><p>After looking for a couple of minutes, she decided to leave the place. If going there really would help her, was something she would figure out in the future.</p><p>As she turned her heals, she notices a black shadow in one of the windows. Soyeon was going to bend down and hide, until she realised that the glass was completely transparent. And before she could gather her thoughts enough to leave, the black shadow stopped, and looked right back at Soyeon.</p><p>She would be a fool not to realise that it was her mother. She had a black dress and black fabric around her head, making the shadows on her face hide her features.  But Soyeon recognised the black, thin, shiny hair. And it looked the same.</p><p>White balls were viewable in the shadows, and Soyeon was sure they met her eyes completely. What scared her was that they didn’t seem to blink, not even once.</p><p>The songwriter felt uncomfortable, and decided to once and for all walk away from it. The mother hadn’t done anything to make her stay, not six years ago and not now. And now that Soyeon had realised it for a second time, she didn’t have anything that was pulling her back.</p><p>Her feet hurried away, again feeling like something was chasing her. But she quickly realised that it was just her imagination, and that whatever she thought was there wasn’t real. That made the feelings disappear, and Soyeon smiled a victorious grin.</p><p>Everyone was waiting for her in the car when she got back, Minnie standing with an arm resting on the door as she looked bored out of her mind. Her eyes did however light up when Soyeon got there, and she quickly climbed back into the car.</p><p>Soyeon had to squeeze herself down in the backseat, between the two bickering in the language she still didn’t understand.</p><p>She decided to zone out instead, maybe she could think about the song she was making. It would have to be a slow song, considering everything that happened this week. Maybe a punk-y song?</p><p>The girl was pulled out of her thoughts before she really had any, as her girlfriend placed her hand discretely on her own.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she mouthed quietly.</p><p>Soyeon nodded, but Yuqi still frowned and bit her lower lip.</p><p>“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” the younger asked as she squeezed the hand.</p><p>In the front seat, Minnie wore the same frown as Yuqi. </p><p>Miyeon was quiet, and her eyes only roamed over the street ahead of her. The hands on the steering wheel were almost turning white.</p><p>“Hey,” Minnie said and lowered her chin, “what’s up?”</p><p>Miyeon’s eyes turned to the side, and Minnie got a glimpse of the distress she was in. </p><p>“Hey...” she tried, but Miyeon shook her head.</p><p>“I have to tell you guys something.” she voiced out in the car. “It’s about Soojin.”</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>It was dark out, the moon hung high on the sky. Soojin had almost dozed off several times before the car stopped outside the apartment building.</p><p>Hui was there waiting, or course. His figure stood grand in the door opening, as he glanced down at his clock and smiled contently. He was lit up because of the light above him, otherwise Soojin would miss his smirk.</p><p>There was something different about him. He didn’t look close to the big man he looked like days ago. Even with his tight shirt, he looked so much smaller. There were no power in him, not that Soojin could see. She wondered if he was the same man at all.</p><p>And when he walked closer, and opened the door for her, she could see no sharp jaw or big eyes. All she saw was a monster.</p><p>“Welcome home, babe.” he said and grabbed her hand without her asking him to.</p><p>He then pulled her up, and right into his arms. She was going to squeeze herself out, before she realised what he would do to her. </p><p>As he pressed her close, she realised she’d have to act from this point onward. But that wouldn’t be a problem. Soojin had become a good actress over the years.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The younger couple of the group decided that it would be better to go to Yuqi’s dorm. Well, Minnie decided. She said that Soyeon’s agitation didn’t mix well with Miyeon’s worry, which was completely true.</p><p>The older had begged for silence the entire ride, while Soyeon continued on her angry rambles. If it wasn’t for Yuqi holding her down, then she was sure Soyeon would jump of out the car and sprint back to Seoul to kill the man. And she had all rights to. But Yuqi didn’t like the idea of having a girlfriend in prison.</p><p>They ended up in Yuqi’s dorm, just after saying goodnight to Shuhua who seemed to be in a state of trance. Yuqi figured she just needed the night to think and reflect.</p><p>Soyeon stomped hardly on the carpet, threatening Hui under her breath. Yuqi was glad her roommate wasn’t home, or she’d think Yuqi’s girlfriend was a maniac.</p><p>“I’m literally gonna kill him!” the older said louder.</p><p>“I know you will.” Yuqi said, her mind focusing on her instagram feed.</p><p>She was laying flat on her bed, waiting for Soyeon to reach her exhaustion so they could fall asleep together.</p><p>“How- Wha- She-... Ugh!” Soyeon was too frustrated to even voice out her thoughts.</p><p>The girl let out something that Yuqi couldn’t describe in another way than as a growl, before the bed sunk down beside her and a head placed on her shoulder.</p><p>“Are you calmer now?” the younger asked.</p><p>“No.” Soyeon answered between her teeth. “How can you even be calm? She’s your friend too.”</p><p>“Because I know that no matter how angry we get, it won’t help.” Yuqi said as she placed away her phone and lowered herself down in the bed.</p><p>Yuqi could almost feel Soyeon rolling her eyes at her.</p><p>“I’m not saying you can’t get angry.” the chinese stated. “Angriness is your go to reaction, just like stress is Miyeon’s.”</p><p>The younger wasn’t going to elaborate more, Soyeon understood what she was saying. Instead, she closed her eyes and tried to slip into unconsciousness. But that was impossible, as Soyeon’s mumbling of death threats filled up the room, and her eardrums.</p><p>When the mumbling didn’t stop after several minutes, Yuqi had to take it with extra measures. And she made her shut up with the only way she could think of, by using her lips.</p><p>Soyeon was in the middle of describing how she would push a chainsaw into him, when Yuqi kissed her right on the mouth. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was enough to make her shut up.</p><p>When the younger moved away, she received a punch on her upper arm.</p><p>“Ouch!” she said with a giggle as she patted her arm.</p><p>“Why would you do that when I’m angry!” Soyeon complained with a pout.</p><p>“Cause I wanna sleep.”</p><p>Yuqi fell back down again and closed her eyes, ready to try to drift off again.</p><p>Soyeon stayed quiet, and Yuqi thought she actually would get to sleep, before the older let out a whine and pressed her lips against Yuqi’s neck.</p><p>“Woogi...” she let out onto the warm skin.</p><p>If Yuqi got the sleep she wanted or not, was something between the two of them.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Miyeon hadn’t stopped shaking her leg since she got home. Her mind was going wild, thinking about what she could do. Her phone’s search history was even wilder. </p><p>She was sitting on the couch with a blank face and a nail in the mouth, when Minnie sat down right next to her with a warm cup in her hand. Miyeon smiled as she grabbed the cup, before going back to her absentminded state.</p><p>Minnie stayed by her, even when it felt like an hour had gone by and the girl had work early in the morning. And when another hour had passed, and Miyeon had gotten her thoughts somewhat clear, Minnie was still waiting patiently by her side. </p><p>The older girl fell back on the couch and into Minnie’s hold, before receiving a kiss on her forehead.</p><p>“You should sleep, Min.” the older girl said with a sigh.</p><p>“We should.” Minnie answered.</p><p>“Why aren’t you sleeping yet?”</p><p>Minnie’s body was warm and soft, and Miyeon thought she actually would fall asleep against it.</p><p>“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Minnie said after a second of silence.</p><p>Miyeon thought she was nervous, as she started fiddling with her hands.</p><p>“What is it?” the older asked as she sat up to look at the other’s face.</p><p>Minnie bit her lower lip, before meeting Miyeon’s eyes and straightening herself on the couch. She opened her mouth, before closing it, before opening it again.</p><p>“I know this is a shitty time, but...” the younger stopped herself before looking down at her hands.</p><p>“Minnie, it’s always a shitty time when it comes to us.” Miyeon brushed her hand over Minnie’s cheek. “Just tell me.”</p><p>The thai swayed her tongue over her lower lip, before biting it. She then reached for her back pocket, and held her hand in a fist as she brought her hand back. Miyeon looked down at it with furrowed eyebrows before looking back into Minnie’s eyes.</p><p>“I can’t do this.” Minnie mumbled, and Miyeon was about to ask her what she couldn’t do, before the other spoke again. “Miyeonie, can you close your eyes?”</p><p>The older nodded suspiciously, before closing her eyes. Minnie took a hold of her hand, and she felt something press against her finger. When the thai let go of her hand, Miyeon opened her eyes again. The korean noticed Minnie biting her lower lip, before her gaze fell to her hand. And there, on her finger, was a ring in silver.</p><p>The metal was swirled, making it look unique even without the diamond. </p><p>“I know it isn’t a lot and I know we can’t actually get married but-“</p><p>Miyeon cut off her fiddling partner by giving her a wet kiss right on the mouth. Minnie’s arms placed themselves around the older’s body, as their lips danced together.</p><p>“Yes.” Miyeon said out of breath.</p><p>She felt Minnie’s smile against her mouth, before they continued kissing as if it was their last time. It only grew more and more intense as time went by, and of course, they ended up in the bedroom.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>if you could choose one of the characters  in the fic to be friends with, who would you choose?</p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay (i do spoilers there sometimes so follow if you’re curious)<br/>curiouscat: @elisaandpeggy</p><p>see you in the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Because I love you more than I can say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>surprise chapter! i’m on a break, like i said, so here is an extra chapter to celebrate. enjoy!</p><p>WARNINGS: abuse, needles, mention of disease and death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>”Have you gone through chemotherapy before?” the doctor asked.</p><p>Yuqi was seated on the hospital bed with her back flashed to the doctor as he examined the bruises on her lower back. His hands were cold and wrapped in rubber, not at all feeling nice.</p><p>”Yes, twice.” the chinese answered.</p><p>Her eyes went over to Shuhua who was sitting at the edge of her seat, her eyes roaming over the room, from Yuqi to the doctor.</p><p>”Hm...” he hummed before moving away from her, tapping with his pen against his notebook. “We will have to take a blood test.”</p><p>As Yuqi had thought. She put on her shirt as she nodded.</p><p>“What’s wrong with her?” the impatient taiwanese asked.</p><p>It was quiet in the room for a second, enough for Shuhua to worriedly eye Yuqi, before she looked back at the man who sighed. His eyes went up, as he held a stone face.</p><p>“I suspect it could be a cancer form called leukaemia.”</p><p>Shuhua’s head lowered immediately, while Yuqi just nodded. It wasn’t anything that she hadn’t suspected.</p><p>“How likely...” the younger started, but she couldn’t finish her sentence.</p><p>“The death rate is much lower nowadays.” he picked up on what she wanted to ask him.</p><p>“How much lower?” Shuhua continued asking.</p><p>“Around 60% survives.” he gave her a weak smile.</p><p>“60%? And I’m assuming these are all people who are healthy besides the cancer?”</p><p>Yuqi wanted to ask her sister to shut up now so they could go take the blood test and leave, she had a big assignment coming up and she didn’t have time for this.</p><p>“I assume so, why?”</p><p>Shuhua eyes her, and Yuqi knew they wouldn’t get out of this as smoothly as she’d planned.</p><p>“I’ve got chronic granulomatous disease as well.” the chinese said, seeing how the man’s face scrunched up.</p><p>He hummed as he tapped his finger against his forehead, before he slid with his chair around the room, to his computer. The doctor’s eyes looked at the screen for a couple of minutes.</p><p>Shuhua thought she would go crazy as she watched him carefully, and Yuqi would lie if she said she hadn’t swallowed a couple of times extra.</p><p>“I will have to check through your journal before we go further into the investigation,” he then said, looking back at the two, “but we will however have you do a blood test right away to get the results as quickly as possible.”</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The stick was always the same, but it somehow still made her flex her arm every time. She had numerous of red dots in arm from having taken shots once a month since she was born. And although they weren’t visible to anyone on the street, they were all very visible to her, even more so to Shuhua.</p><p>Her hand squeezed around the pink teddy bear, as she sipped on her pack of juice. The juice was something everyone who drew blood gets, and the toy was her own demand.</p><p>“There we go.” the nurse said and pulled out the needle before putting a bandage on the new red dot.</p><p>It was over in a second, just like it always was. </p><p>From her side, Shuhua eyed her as if she was about to doze of any second. And although she did feel a little more lightheaded than she did before, she was not going to pass out.</p><p>“Rest here until you feel ready to leave.” the nurse smiled before she walked away.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Shuhua asked rapidly and closed up to Yuqi.</p><p>“I’m totally fine, don’t worry.” the older said as she began to stand up.</p><p>Shuhua quickly pushed her down in the chair again, making Yuqi roll her eyes.</p><p>“Shuhua, you’ve been through this with me a million times!” she said and frowned.</p><p>“Well you can’t be sure nothing will happen!” the younger argued. “I’m here to take care of you so that’s what I’ll do.”</p><p>Yuqi froze for a second, her mouth uncontrollably fell open as she looked at her sister.</p><p>“You’re not here to take care of me.” she said. “Is that what you think?”</p><p>Shuhua looked down at her hands. Yuqi wondered if that’s the reason Shuhua thought their parents adopted her, just to be Yuqi’s caregiver. Shuhua had always taken more care of her than anyone else, always been ready for everything, prepared both medically and emotionally. Did she really think she only was here to take care of Yuqi?</p><p>The younger looked up after some time, now with a faint smile on her face.</p><p>“So, when will we tell the others about this?” she asked, obviously changing the subject.</p><p>Yuqi rolled her eyes, not having the energy to argue with the other.</p><p>“We won’t.” she deadpanned.</p><p>“What do you mean we won’t?”</p><p>“We’re not gonna tell them.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Yuqi moved her head to the side to look at Shuhua, seeing all the worry in her eyes and the way her eyebrow twitched more than once.</p><p>“‘Cause I don’t want them to look at me like this.” Yuqi pointed at the other’s face. “Like I’ll die any second.”</p><p>Shuhua furrowed her eyebrows before scoffing. Her eyes went done for a millisecond, before she looked right up again.</p><p>“Well, you should still tell your girlfriend.” she said. “She’s the one who noticed the bruises in the first place, and she loves you more than she loves literally anyone else. You kinda owe it to her.”</p><p>“She loves me the most?” Yuqi asked with a chuckle. “I can list a number of things she loves more than she loves me.”</p><p>“Yeah? What?”</p><p>The chinese cleared her throat and held out her hand, one finger for everything she named.</p><p>“Her keyboard, that music editing app, all her songs, anime, manga, that one producer she talks about all the time, Minnie’s voice, music in general, Soojin-“</p><p>Despite the beeping of machines, the nurses running back and forth with their squealing wagons and the relatives chatting loudly, it seemed like the entire hospital fell silent.</p><p>Yuqi knew a forbidden word had slipped her tongue, but she was too deeply into her own sour feelings before she could even realise what she’d said.</p><p>She saw Shuhua swallowing hard, before she bit her lower lip. The taiwanese was good as acting as everything was fine, but never when it came to the dancer. Why that is, Yuqi could only guess.</p><p>The younger cleared her throat, while Yuqi sat still with widened eyes.</p><p>“You should tell Soyeon.” she then said.</p><p>Yuqi sighed, before standing up from the chair.</p><p>“I’ll tell her, just not yet.”</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Miyeon had both her hands wrapped around her hot cup to heat up after the cold walk. She was at a coffee shop, one that she didn’t usually go to since Minnie worked at that one and she didn’t want to disturb her.</p><p>She brought the cup to her lips and took a sip, as her eyes drifted to the window where people’s scarfs were flowing in the cold wind.</p><p>Only a couple of minutes passed before a face she knew popped up by the door. Miyeon stood up, and waved slightly, meeting his smiling eyes.</p><p>He circled his scarf around his head as he took it off, revealing his still very handsome face. And he had that warm smile Miyeon once loved to stare at, too.</p><p>“Hi there.” he said, before bringing his long arms around Miyeon’s smaller figure.</p><p>“Hello.” she said against the shoulder of his cold jacket.</p><p>They both sat down, and Kwan motioned towards the waiter.</p><p>“Have you been waiting for long?” he asked as he opened the zipper to his jacket and pulled it down.</p><p>“No, it’s fine.” Miyeon smiled and took a sip of her drink. “So, how’s work? And... everything?”</p><p>The waiter placed down the man’s cup in front of him as he thanked with a warm smile. He took a sip before answering Miyeon.</p><p>“Like it always was.” he said. “Tiring. I don’t have a lot of free time, but it’s okay. I still love my job, even though I consider quitting about three times a day.”</p><p>Miyeon chuckled and nodded, she could sympathise with that. She took a warm sip of her drink, and he followed her.</p><p>“You?” Kwan asked before taking a second one.</p><p>“I’m working as an assistant teacher for a middle school art class, so I think you can make up your own picture.” both of them chuckled. “But I love art and I love kids. It’s a good job until I find a high school class.”</p><p>Kwan nodded, and a quiet shadow was thrown over the two. Miyeon managed to take several more sips before the silence was interrupted.</p><p>“And you and Minnie?” his eyes drifted away the second he asked, and his lips landed on his cup.</p><p>Miyeon was almost certain he would avoid speaking about the thai, but he didn’t. This man always surprised her.</p><p>“We’re doing great.” the girl said before clearing her throat. “We- Uhm... She actually proposed the other day.”</p><p>He looked up and his eyebrows raised.</p><p>“Really?” his voice was an octave higher. “Well, congratulations.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Miyeon said as she lowered her head.</p><p>She played with her ring under the table, and a smile tugged at her lip.</p><p>“And...” she looked back up at him again, seeing the melancholic look in his eyes. “Thank you for doing this. For helping me.”</p><p>Kwan nodded and looked back down again, before lifting up his cup.</p><p>“I’m not doing it for you, Miyeon.” he said into it before he drank.</p><p>The girl only nodded, before she shifted in her seat.</p><p>“I already told you the situation over phone, and we’re ready to pay you whatever amount you need.” Miyeon said. “We just want her out of there.”</p><p>He smiled faintly.</p><p>“Believe me,” he said, “I want that to. But there’s sadly nothing I can do unless there is proof.”</p><p>The girl inhaled loudly, before remembering what Soojin had told her.</p><p>“Bruises and stuff, does that count?” Miyeon asked, leaning a bit closer.</p><p>Kwan slowly nodded as his eyes roamed around the ceiling.</p><p>“Could count.” he answered her.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“Minnie, will you take this to table number ten?” the co worker asked, handing Minnie the tray of cups.</p><p>“Sure.” the older answered and grabbed it.</p><p>Funny enough, the co worker was the very same person who shared a college dorm with Soojin years ago, when the dancer still was living on campus.</p><p>The thai slowly made her way through the cozy cafe, making sure she didn’t spill anything. Although having worked there for over two years, she still wasn’t too comfortable with serving the guests. She preferred taking their orders, and occasionally make a coffee or two.</p><p>Her eyes were pinned to the tray as she by muscle memory walked in between the tables and the customers. She only looked up when the bell above the door rang, with intentions to greet the new customer. What she didn’t expect to see, was a tall man in a black tuxedo, brown loafers and big eyes staring right at her.</p><p>Minnie made a sudden stop, for sure spilling out the liquid all over the tray. But as she blinked once, the customer, her father, was gone. Like he never had been there at all.</p><p>Minnie was sure she was starting to get crazy.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The grey one was shaking as the other one jumped wildly in its leash. Shuhua had the shaking one in her arms, as the three walked in through the door.</p><p>The taiwanese could hear fumbling from the kitchen, and decided to be as quiet as she could, but the dog’s excited steps failed her.</p><p>The noises from the kitchen stopped, and soon Miyeon was standing right in front of Shuhua. She had a confused frown on her face, as Shuhua smiled her sweetest smile. At least it wasn’t Soyeon.</p><p>“Hi Miyeonie.” the taiwanese said in the highest voice she could.</p><p>She let down the puppy in her arms, before walking towards the older girl and hugging her tightly.</p><p>Miyeon knew Shuhua was up to something. Well, it was obvious since there were two dogs in the apartment, but the younger never hugged her if Miyeon didn’t demand it. </p><p>“Who are these?” the older asked, not focused on the hug, but on the two fluff balls slowly making their way further into the apartment.</p><p>They were both sniffing, the brown one in the lead as the other followed.</p><p>“Oh, these two...” Shuhua pulled away from the hug but kept her arm around Miyeon’s shoulders. “Well I haven’t come up with any names yet but... They’re our puppies.”</p><p>The younger said the last sentence quietly, pausing between every word and finishing off with a careful smile.</p><p>“Our?” Miyeon asked, looking between Shuhua and the dogs.</p><p>“Well... they’re adopted under my name but they’ll... live here.” </p><p>The older bursted out laughing immediately. She couldn’t even control her laughter as it fled out her mouth in full force. Her head was thrown back as she muttered the words again as she tried her best to breathe in.</p><p>“So-Soyeon!” she exclaimed. “Soyeon!”</p><p>Shuhua felt the stress build up in her as she realised Soyeon was, in fact, home. She brought up a finger to her mouth and watched as Miyeon bent forward to ease the ache in her belly.</p><p>The shorter girl furrowed her eyebrows confused as she looked at the hysterical girl, before she looked over at the nervous Shuhua who made her even more confused. Then, she felt something cold and wet against her naked foot.</p><p>She jumped back immediately, and quickly looked down to see a black ball of hair breathing quickly as its tongue hung out.</p><p>“Why are there dogs in our apartment?” she asked loudly as she backed further away.</p><p>“Shu-“ Miyeon took a deep breath and threw her head back again. “Tell- Tell her what you said!”</p><p>“Uh...” the youngest muttered.</p><p>Soyeon’s eyes were piercing into her, and Shuhua wondered how Yuqi managed to come up with a comeback every time Soyeon looked at her like this. Shuhua would be dead if looks could kill. For sure.</p><p>Her eyebrows had raised as her dark, deep eyes stared back at her, waiting for an answer.</p><p>Shuhua chuckled uncomfortably, before she took a step to hide behind Miyeon.</p><p>“They’ll have to live here.” she muttered quietly and quickly, but Soyeon caught it.</p><p>“What?” the songwriter asked in a loud, piercing voice.</p><p>Shuhua really wished she had Yuqi here to protect her right now.</p><p>“They’re not allowed in my dorm.” the taiwanese muttered, looking down not to faint from looking into the poisonous eyes.</p><p>“Wait, you’re not joking?” the oldest asked as she’d finally stopped laughing.</p><p>“They’re not allowed in our apartment either.” Soyeon crossed her arms, but continued eyeing the dogs from time to time.</p><p>“Please, Soyeon.” Shuhua decided to beg and reached down to grab the brown fluff ball.</p><p>“You’re serious?” the older’s voice filled the quiet room in the meantime.</p><p>“I know you’re scared of dogs but-“ rye youngest said and lifted the puppy up i. the air, “look at how cute she is!”</p><p>Soyeon eyed its black orbs for a minute, before frowning.</p><p>“Absolutely not.” she said, before turning her heels.</p><p>Shuhua pouted, and drifted her gaze to Miyeon who stood confused as she looked between the puppies and her friends.</p><p>“Miyeonie...” the younger said in her cutest voice again, making Miyeon look at her immediately. “Please, please let them stay here.”</p><p>Shuhua brought the puppy close to Miyeon’s face, and watched as its tongue traced over the korean’s cheek.</p><p>“They need a home for Christmas.” the taiwanese smiled in that was she knew Miyeon couldn’t resist.</p><p>“Don’t fall for it!” Soyeon screamed from the living room.</p><p>“I don’t know-“</p><p>“Please.” Shuhua took a step closer and pushed both herself and the dog onto Miyeon’s body. “I’ll take care of them for the most part, they just need a place to sleep.”</p><p>“Shu...”</p><p>“I’ll kiss your cheek if you say yes.” </p><p>Now, that was an offer Shuhua knew Miyeon would take.</p><p>“Okay.” the girl said instantly as she brushed away her hair from the side of her face.</p><p>“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Shuhua repeated happily several times, before she grabbed Miyeon’s chin with her hand and gently pressed her lips against the soft cheek.</p><p>“Whoa, what’s going on here?” the thai’s voice filled the room as she closed the door behind her. “You’re not stealing my fiancée just days after I proposed, are you?”</p><p>Some would probably have thought Minnie was jealous, if she hadn’t worn a lovesick grin on her face. And Miyeon wore the exact same grin, making her way to Minnie as Shuhua threw up a little in her mouth.</p><p>The two oldest lips pressed together, both still smiling, but Miyeon couldn’t help to notice how the other seemed a bit shaken up.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she whispered, looking into her eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine.” Minnie nodded instantly and pecked Miyeon’s lips again.</p><p>Miyeon wasn’t very convinced, but Soyeon’s loud scream caught her attention.</p><p>“Get this thing away from me!” she screamed.</p><p>The three girl</p><p>“Uhm, why are there dogs in here?” Minnie asked with furrowed eyebrows.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, funny story...”</p><p>Shuhua began telling the story. She knew she didn’t have to put on any charms for Minnie, since she was the most easily convinced, and Miyeon had already agreed. </p><p>The two oldest had already begun to get to know the two puppies, saying names between the two of them as they played with the little animals.</p><p>Soyeon was looking at them from the corner of her eye, scoffing from time to time with her headphones wrapped around her head.</p><p>The youngest just sat down on the other side of the couch, as far away from the songwriter as she could, when the girl in question swatted her headphones off and turned to the younger.</p><p>Shuhua was preparing herself for her scolding, biting down on her bottom lip and breathing slowly.</p><p>“Where’s Woogi?” the older asked instead.</p><p>The taiwanese would’ve taken the scolding over this.</p><p>“Um...” she started, using her brain to her full capacity. “She said she has a lot to study!”</p><p>Soyeon frowned immediately, and Shuhua knew she caught her lie.</p><p>“Does she want some company?” it was obviously a test, one that Shuhua had to fail.</p><p>“No!” she quickly answered, before clearing her throat. “She’s really stressed so she just wants to study by herself.”</p><p>Soyeon pouted and let out a huff before she disappeared into her headphones again.</p><p>Shuhua sighed loudly as she’d escaped another life threatening situation with the older.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“Soojin?” the voice came from down the hall.</p><p>Soojin didn’t answer him.</p><p>“Baby, why are you ignoring me?” he asked as he got closer to her.</p><p>Soojin still didn’t answer him.</p><p>She sat curled up on the couch, her arms around her legs and her head resting on her knees. The TV was on, but the volume was too low for her to be able to follow whatever was playing.</p><p>“Why aren’t you answering my calls?” he asked.</p><p>Soojin shivered as she felt his presence just behind her. But she didn’t turn her head, or move at all.</p><p>“Soojin.” he warned, raising his voice. “You know what happens when you don’t listen to me.”</p><p>The female dancer clenched her teeth together, but stayed completely still and silent.</p><p>“Are you not going to answer me?” he asked, walking around the couch and swatting down in front of her.</p><p>Her eyes were bland, staring at a point in the table without moving her gaze. </p><p>“Answer me!” he suddenly growled, and Soojin felt a hit to her cheek.</p><p>It burned, was for sure turning red, but she didn’t move away one inch. And neither would she.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>Now that Minnie’s dad has appeared twice, do you think he is real or that Minnie is hallucinating it?</p><p>kwan is back! are you happy to see him? i honestly missed him!</p><p>also, remember those times i made you say yes or no in the comments? yeah... that’s it.</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotok (i make random polls and say spoilers there, but i’m also my gay self so follow if you’re interested)<br/>curiouscat: @elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. If I could tell you I would let you know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! i hope you enjoyed the surprise chapter! and of course that you’ll enjoy this chapter as well.</p><p>WARNINGS: mention of abuse and death.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Yuqi scribbled in her notebook, but she couldn’t get too much job done. Later, she would definitely blame the taiwanese who had her mouth going and going, even if that might be a little lie. Maybe she had a few too many thoughts in her mind, but that was for later.</p><p>“I just feel like I should help, you know.” the younger girl said, laying on Yuqi’s bed as the other sat by her desk. “I kinda feel obligated to.”</p><p>“Why?” Yuqi asked, although her mind was somewhere else.</p><p>Shuhua threw one of Yuqi’s yellow bunnies, Mr. McJumpy, up and down as she reflected.</p><p>“Well...” she said. “I don’t know, I just feel like I have to.”</p><p>Yuqi sighed, before shooting back her chair. She wasn’t getting anything done anyways.</p><p>“Shu,” she said as she sat down on the bed and grabbed a bunny of her own, “all you ever do is take care of others. Don’t you want to take care of yourself a bit too?”</p><p>Shuhua lifted her head to meet eyes with the other.</p><p>“What do you mean?” she asked with a frown. “I take care of you, yeah, but I take care of myself too.”</p><p>Yuqi wasn’t ready to go into an argument, so she dismissed the subject.</p><p>“All I’m saying is, that you have no reason to get yourself into this case.” the chinese said. “Leave this to Miyeon and Soyeon.”</p><p>Shuhua huffed and frowned, and it wasn’t hard to tell that the girl wasn’t convinced. But Yuqi realised the girl wouldn’t do anything, since she really couldn’t help in any way. Whatever she felt like she could do, wouldn’t help. Unless she studied to be a judge and would graduate within the nearest month, but she didn’t.</p><p>Mr. McJumpy bounced on the roof, making Yuqi eye Shuhua angrily. The younger mouthed a ‘sorry’, before she did the same thing again.</p><p>“Have you gotten any news from the hospital?” she then asked.</p><p>“Nope.” Yuqi answered quickly.</p><p>It always took a few days, and Shuhua knew that. Yuqi guessed she was just being impatient, and she had all rights to.</p><p>Sometimes, the chinese could start crying at the thought of how much Shuhua cared for her and loved her. And then she cried even more when she remembered that she’d have to leave the younger girl all to herself one day. That day maybe coming earlier than they initially thought.</p><p>“Soyeon got sad, you know.” Shuhua disturbed her thoughts with the very last thing Yuqi wanted to hear. “She knows that you’re keeping something from her.”</p><p>Yuqi scoffed.</p><p>“Yeah, well, it doesn’t seem like she cares.” she said. </p><p>“Of course she cares.” Shuhua said, but Yuqi didn’t hear her.</p><p>“Ugh!” she let out out of pure annoyance. “I’m tired of always being the first one to call, always being the first one to say sorry, always being the one who actually puts in some effort for this relationship.”</p><p>Shuhua didn’t really know what to answer. Relationships and love in general wasn’t really her forte.</p><p>“I feel like I’m basically dating myself.” Yuqi exclaimed. </p><p>“That’s not true.”</p><p>“All I’m getting from her is the kisses and the touches, but she never actually puts any effort into anything! She’s never even told me that she loves me, for gods sake!”</p><p>Yuqi brought up the bunny and placed it against her forehead, as she quickly closed her eyes. Shuhua knew it was all an act to hide the tears that were about to slip down her cheek.</p><p>“But you know Soyeon is a closed up person.” the taiwanese reasoned. “You know she loves you.”</p><p>“No, I don’t!” Yuqi brought the bunny down again and turned her head to Shuhua.</p><p>The weirdest of it all was that she had a smile on her face, but not a happy one. Not one to hide her emotions either. She had a smile to show just how pathetic this situation was.</p><p>“She acts all cute one second, but then the next one she turns her back to me!” Yuqi scoffed. “When we were in town, she barely even talked to me once!”</p><p>“Well, she just... Had other stuff to care about.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course. And I get that. I understand that I’m not the only important thing in her life, but she neglected me completely!”</p><p>“She was just-“</p><p>“She was taking care of her friend who’d just lost her sister, yeah I know.” Yuqi nodded. “And I sound like an ass for being mad about it, but I’m her girlfriend! I am! Me!”</p><p>The chinese definitely heard how pathetic she started to sound now. And she was completely aware that jealousy had a big part in it, but she honestly didn’t care.</p><p>“I can’t fight for my place as her girlfriend.” she finished, muttering the sentence.</p><p>Shuhua bit her lower lip as she tried to come up with something to say, but Yuqi beat her to it.</p><p>“I don’t have time for that. I really don’t.” she muttered.</p><p>It was true. Yuqi most likely didn’t have time for it, and Shuhua understood that she didn’t want to spend the time she had in jealousy and uncertainty. The situation was scary as it was, and none of them needed more negative feelings to add onto it.</p><p>“I just want her to show me that she loves me, that’s all I ask.” Yuqi said, the bunny now placed in her lap.</p><p>The taiwanese still didn’t know what to say, and instead just nodded. Before she pressed the bunny she was holding against Yuqi’s arm.</p><p>“He thought you needed a hug.” Shuhua said.</p><p>Yuqi chuckled before grabbing it, pressing it against her chest.</p><p>“Mr. McJumpy will always be here, you know.” Shuhua said. “And he’s a really good hugger.”</p><p>The older smiled. Shuhua would, indeed, always be here.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Hui held a possessive hand around Soojin’s waist. Together they stood, just in the opening of the restaurant, that Hui’s father’s company had rented for the morning, in company of every other man with a high title and a young wife. </p><p>They were both holding a glass of champagne. Soojin didn’t drink a single sip, even if having her mind disappear from the scene for an hour sounded like a dream. </p><p>Hui was chatting with the man beside him, while Soojin just looked right in front of her. She was trying her best not to have eye contact with anyone, because eye contact led to conversation and she had no energy for that. </p><p>Going to parties, or rather gatherings, like this one was a duty for someone with a title like Hui had, and that of course meant Soojin had to join him.</p><p>She was sure most wives were here to claim their husbands, rather than to accompany him. There were so many younger women, even the waitresses, and the older women had all rights to be worried. Soojin had gotten five winks from hungry eyes already, and it was just the beginning of the gathering.</p><p>Hui noticed the winks, but he only seemed to take pride in them. Holding Soojin as if she was a prize. And to him, maybe she was.</p><p>“When are you gonna put a ring on it?” the girl could hear being whispered beside her.</p><p>If the middle aged man with a filthy grin wanted to be discreet, he wouldn’t have whispered so loudly. He wanted Soojin to hear what he was saying, he wanted her to feel like she was nothing more than a prize.</p><p>But she wasn’t going to fall for it. She wasn’t going to fall for anything any man does ever again. </p><p>She tilted her head forwards, meeting the man’s eyes, and nodded with the same grin he held on his face. </p><p>Hui was mumbling something, but the man looked at Soojin as if he’d seen a ghost. Now that was fun, Soojin thought. Maybe she should do that a little more.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>“Miyeon, I really have to get up.” Minnie said.</p><p>Her body was pressed down to the mattress, by Miyeon’s body on top of her. The girl had climbed up on her when Minnie said she had to leave the first time, which was around twenty minutes ago now.</p><p>“Just a little more.” the older said for the fifth time.</p><p>Her eyes were closed, and her breathing calm as her head relaxed in the crook of Minnie’s neck. </p><p>“Miyeon...”</p><p>Outside their bedroom, sat Soyeon on the couch with her keyboard in front of her. Her phone was also right there, waiting for her to grab to call her best friend. But that wouldn’t have to wait for a minute or two, as she was waiting for Yuqi’s morning call.</p><p>Soyeon usually didn’t care too much about those. She saw Yuqi almost everyday anyways, she didn’t exactly need a call every morning. But today it was necessary. Yuqi hadn’t been there yesterday, and she hadn’t answered whenever Soyeon had texted her. Well, it was one text, but still.</p><p>Maybe if she waited just a few minutes, she would receive Yuqi’s call.</p><p>“Minnie!” Soyeon heard from the other room before a loud thud.</p><p>Just a second later, Minnie rushed out of the room, apologising as she went into the bathroom. Wasn’t she supposed to leave at nine?</p><p>Miyeon walked out a minute later, her hair in a miss as she rubbed her hip. She fell down on the couch next to Soyeon, and sat still for a few seconds.</p><p>The songwriter let her take her time to wake up, as she split her focus between her notes and her phone.</p><p>Then, the older shots up from the couch as she let out an incoherent sentence, and she hurried into her bedroom but came right out again.</p><p>“Soojin said around now, right?” Miyeon asked, dangling the phone in her hand. </p><p>It took Soyeon a second to register, before her lips shot up into a smile and she stood up from the couch. </p><p>Miyeon had already pressed the caller ID and pressed on speaking when Soyeon got to her. And it beeped for a couple of seconds, feeling like forever to Soyeon. But then, it stopped beeping, and a timer started under Soojin’s name.</p><p>The two girls held their breaths, waiting for a sound to come from the other line.</p><p>“Hello?” the voice said, and the girls could breathe out properly.</p><p>“Soojin!” Soyeon said happily and grabbed the phone from Miyeon’s hands. “How are you?”</p><p>She went back to the couch and sat down, almost hugging the phone to her chest.</p><p>“I-I’m okay but...” Soojin said on the other line, her voice quiet enough to be considered a whisper. “I don’t have a lot of time.”</p><p>“Oh, but-“ Soyeon started but the phone was quickly snatched from her.</p><p>“Did you go through with it?” was the first thing Miyeon asked.</p><p>“Y-Yeah.” Soojin stuttered.</p><p>Soyeon felt it bubbling up inside her, and Miyeon furrowed her eyebrows and swallowed hard.</p><p>“Could you... Could you send me the pictures so I can print them out?” </p><p>“One second.” </p><p>It was quiet on Soojin’s line for minutes, before Miyeon got a notification. She didn’t even look at it before she swiped it up, figured she’d have to look at it enough later. And she didn’t want the younger girl to go rip someone’s head off, either. </p><p>“Thank you.” Miyeon said. “Hey Soo-“</p><p>“I-I have to go, I’ll see you later.”</p><p>“Wait!” the younger tried, but the beeps already sounded from the little machine. </p><p>It wasn’t just a little mess the dancer was wrapped up in.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The dancer walked quickly with the bag over her shoulder, stressing to the cafe. She’d ran out of class just before it began, made sure Hui had driven off, before she started making her way to see her cousin and her best friend. And Kwan.</p><p>And there the three stood, waiting for her. Soyeon didn’t waste a second before she hurried up to Soojin and wrapped her in a tight hug, to which Soojin did the same.</p><p>They then walked forwards, and the dancer hugged her cousin as they whispered silent words into each other’s ears. And then she gave Kwan a faint smile, not feeling comfortable enough to hug him, which the man understood as he smiled back.</p><p>“Hello, Soojin.” he welcomed her.</p><p>They headed into the cafe, and went right in as they only had about twenty minutes. Kwan wanted Soojin to tell the story, as her voice was the only one he could truly believe. So Soojin did, but not without repeated encouragement from Soyeon and Miyeon.</p><p>Her voice was shaking, her hands too, she even felt like her entire brain was being shaken as she talked, but she got the words out. Kwan noted words in his notebook, so she must’ve said some coherent stuff.</p><p>“Any witnesses?” he then asked.</p><p>Soojin didn’t know exactly who could be a witness in this. No one had directly seen as he hit her in the last three years.</p><p>“From high school, too.” he added.</p><p>“Minnie and I watched as he came to Soojin’s house once.” Miyeon said. “He started hitting the wall and stuff.”</p><p>“Did you see him do anything to Soojin? Threat her?”</p><p>Miyeon shook her head.</p><p>Hui had been very secretive when it came to his behaviour with Soojin, except for all the good stuff. That he liked to show off as much as he could. But no one had ever seen him hit her, or even heard him scream at her. <br/>Except, one person. There was one person who had heard how he screamed at her, who had seen how he really treated her. Who had tried to stop her, several times. But she wasn’t here anymore.</p><p>And when Soojin didn’t answer, Kwan started nodding before he closed his notebook. Miyeon also handed him a map, the one containing the pictures Soojin room in the bathroom stall earlier.</p><p>“I’ll take this to my boss.” Kwan said. “But understand that this will take time, and we have to file a real police report before we can involve the court.”</p><p>The three of them nodded.</p><p>“I’m gonna do everything in my power to get this through, Soojin. I promise you.” he lowered his head so that she could look into his eyes if she chose to.</p><p>She didn’t, but she appreciated the effort he pulled to connect with her.</p><p>“We can’t thank you enough, Kwan.” Miyeon said as she rubbed circles on Soojin’s back.</p><p>“Don’t celebrate too early.” he reminded. “These kinds of cases are always fifty-fifty.”</p><p>Miyeon hoped for dear good this case would be the good fifty.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>It was a weirdly calm afternoon at the cafe. Usually, around this time, there was a long line out the door, as a few people were seated at each table.</p><p>It was crowded for sure, but the line wasn’t nearly as long as it usually was. Minnie had just taken the last order, when she sat down on a chair, hidden away in the corner. Her feet and legs hurt from having been standing all day long, and she wanted nothing more than to lay down in her soft bed at home.</p><p>She let out a yawn, before bringing up her phone from her pocket. Minnie smiled immediately as she noticed the new background Miyeon must’ve changed it to. It was a picture of the two of them. Or rather, Miyeon’s beautifully gleaming face and Minnie’s double chin as the picture was taken by Miyeon, who was laying on her chest at the time. Despite it not being the best angle, the thai didn’t change it. Miyeon looked to pretty to.</p><p>As she unlocked her phone, she went straight to her text messages where she had several waiting for her. Since it was Saturday, Miyeon was free all day long to disturb Minnie. These texts were however sent this morning.</p><p>“Hey!” Minnie read, and could hear it coming from Miyeon’s lips. “You didn’t pick up after yourself this morning! And you forgot to bring me my coffee!”</p><p>The thai grinned, and answered with a simple ‘sorry’, and a kiss-emoji.</p><p>Suddenly, a clearing of a throat was heard from disk, and Minnie quickly stood up as she pushed her phone back down in her pocket. She stumbled back to the cashier, and fixed her apron.</p><p>“Sorry, what can I get for you?” she asked, without giving the person a longer look.</p><p>When no one answered, she curiously looked up, to see a tall man in a tuxedo. His hair was perfectly done, as he had a wide but empty smile on his face.</p><p>A thrill ran up Minnie’s back, as she immediately recognised the man. How could she not, it was her father.</p><p>She could feel how much she’d widened her eyes, and her her lip was shivering. But she couldn’t stop it.</p><p>“Hello there,” the man spoke, before drifting his eyes lower down to the little tag on the girl’s uniform, “Kim Minnie.”</p><p>Minnie breathed in hard, and bit her lower lip to keep it from shaking too madly. He kept his eyes on her, piercing into her soul as he did. He was fully aware of how he made her feel right now, and he smiled because of it.</p><p>The girl was about to back away and hide, before she remembered that she was in a working position, and she had to give service to her customer.</p><p>“What-“ she cleared her throat. “What can I get you, sir?”</p><p>He kept his grin, as he started dragging his hands over his tuxedo. Without much change in his facial expression at all, he let out a sigh.</p><p>“I must’ve forgotten my wallet.” he said.</p><p>Minnie knew he was doing this just to haunt her. To show that he always had the upper hand, and she could do nothing prom her position.</p><p>“Until next time.” he said, still with the grin on his lips as he put his hands down in his pockets. “Nicha.”</p><p>Another shiver traveled along her backbone as she heard the name, the one she’d never identified with.</p><p>His expensive shoes clicked as he headed out the door, giving another customer his place. </p><p>Minnie could relax her shoulders, but she still felt the sweat on her body, and her clammy palms. Her lower lip hurt from how hard she’d bit it, and she would’ve taken a several minutes long break, but there was already a middle aged woman in front of her.</p><p>The girl took a deep breath, before she turned on a smile.</p><p>“Hello, what can I get you?”</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>After Kwan had left, the girls decided to chat a little in a simple conversation. Nothing heavy, just for Soojin’s nerves to calm before she had to hurry back.</p><p>“Oh, right!” Miyeon exclaimed loudly.</p><p>She then lifted her hand up, and held it next to her face.</p><p>Soojin frowned as she tried to figure out what the older was trying to tell her, before she saw the silver gleaming on the ring finger. Her mouth uncontrollably formed into a faint smile.</p><p>“Really?” she asked, and reached out for the hand.</p><p>“Really.”</p><p>Soojin studied the beautiful ring. It wasn’t anything big and flashy, just a nice, little detail. And she thought the design looked as if Miyeon had picked it out herself. </p><p>“When did this happen?” she asked, her voice monotone but that was something she couldn’t rule over nowadays.</p><p>She remembered her cousin didn’t have the ring when they were in the little town.</p><p>“Just a few days ago.” Miyeon smiled, and turned her hand to examine the ring herself.</p><p>“Minnie couldn’t even say the words!” Soyeon said as she chuckled. “She told me afterwards, that she made Miyeon close her eyes. And she couldn’t even say it then either!”</p><p>Soojin let out a laugh, which just sounded like a huff of air to the other too, but it was good enough for now.</p><p>She wondered if she would ever have a relationship like that. Unconditional, where both parts loved each other just as much. She thought that seemed very unlikely by now.</p><p>“Shut up.” Miyeon complained. “I’m sure you and Yuqi haven’t even said ‘I love you’ yet.”</p><p>The oldest used her teasing voice, making kissing noises with her mouth after.</p><p>“Shut up.” Soyeon said as she rolled her eyes. </p><p>“Oh, right, I forgot.” Miyeon smiled. “Soyeon‘s girlfriend is ignoring her right now.”</p><p>“What did you do?”</p><p>“Nothing!” the songwriter exclaimed. “I thought everything was fine but then we didn’t talk all day yesterday, and not today either.”</p><p>“Have you tried to call her?”</p><p>“Uhm, well...” Soyeon chuckled awkwardly. “I was going to but...”</p><p>Now it was Soojin’s turn to roll her eyes. If Soyeon had pure love right in front of her, then why didn’t she fight for it?</p><p>“God, I really have to put you two in a ‘how to have a healthy relationship’-course.” Miyeon shook her head out of disbelief.</p><p>The other two kept chatting, but Soojin’s mind started drifting away. She would have to leave soon to get back in time. Maybe it was best if she leaves now.</p><p>But as she started standing up, Soyeon quickly put her hand on her arm, making Soojin look at her.</p><p>“You shouldn’t go.” Soyeon said.</p><p>“Do you wanna come with us?” Miyeon asked. “He doesn’t know where we live, so he won’t find you.”</p><p>The dancer bit her lower lip as she considered their words. Sure, he didn’t know. But he was going to find out, and when he did... Did Soojin really want to risk it?</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>Will Soojin go with them, or not?</p><p>i just want to say how grateful i really am for all the support. i often tear up as i read your comments and i answer (almost) every single one, but that’s not of course the only way to show support. i feel like i haven’t thanked you for the kudos, for those who spread the link, for those who just silently support by reading. i truly am so so grateful, i can’t thank you enough! i’m not one for feelings, but i’ve had a lot of bad days lately and feeling the support for my writing always makes them better. really, thank you.</p><p>see you on sunday/monday with a new chapter!</p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay<br/>curiouscat: https://curiouscat.qa/elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The winds must come from somewhere when they blow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello again! i’m not active on twitter right now, but i’m doing fine. </p><p>WARNINGS: no particular warnings for this chapter :)</p><p>enjoy this chapter, and i’ll see you again on friday!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Miyeon was holding a big lion plushie in her arms as she roamed through the mall. Minnie had to use quick steps to keep up with her.</p><p>The older had handled the christmas shopping between the two of them for forever, Minnie was just required to help her carry and to pay for half of it. Sometimes she got to choose colour, but that was it. Minnie didn’t mind though, Miyeon was always the best at gifts between the two of them.</p><p>But she did mind that she was carrying three bags, while the other only was holding the lion in her arms. Plus, she was walking too quickly. </p><p>“Miyeonie, please slow down.” Minnie begged.</p><p>“But we’re in a hurry, Min.” the older said as she eyed the list in front of her.</p><p>“We’ve got a lot of bags already, how many more do we need?”</p><p>Miyeon stopped in her heels as she studied the list, allowing Minnie to catch up to her.</p><p>There were too many things written down for the thai to even make an effort to understand the loosely scribbled text.</p><p>“We need the candy for my class and then ShuShu’s gifts.” the older’s eyes kept roaming over the paper to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything.</p><p>“Gifts?” Minnie asked. “We’re only getting one for the others.”</p><p>Miyeon kept quiet for a second.</p><p>“Well...” she mumbled, clearly trying to come up with an excuse. “ShuShu deserves it.”</p><p>The older continued her steps, and Minnie had to hurry to keep up with her again. The younger chuckled to herself as she shook her head.</p><p>“If you weren’t my fiancée I would think you’re totally whipped for her.” she said.</p><p>“Maybe I am.” the older answered as if it was nothing.</p><p>Actually, that wouldn’t surprise anyone.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>After waiting the entire day yesterday, Soyeon got a text from her girlfriend. It wasn’t the text she had been hoping for, but it was something.</p><p>Yuqi had heard about Miyeon and Minnie’s plans, and remembered that she had bought close to no Christmas gift to anyone. Except the one for Soyeon, which she’d bought several weeks ago.</p><p>The two of them were strutting along the streets of the city, pressing themselves between every other Christmas crazy person. Soyeon had a tight grip on Yuqi’s arm, as she didn’t like being around this many people that much. Especially not when someone came up to her to ask for a picture.</p><p>It wasn’t that Soyeon didn’t appreciate the support, she just wasn’t one for being famous. Just like she didn’t do good alone, she didn’t do good with people she didn’t know. That’s why she also buried her head in Yuqi’s shoulder when they walked through the busiest of places.</p><p>“What are you giving to Minnie and Miyeon?” Yuqi then asked, patting Soyeon’s head to signalise that the people were behind them.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Soyeon muttered, still shaken up from all the people that bumped into her.</p><p>“Me either...” Yuqi muttered.</p><p>They continued their way, feeling the snow slowly starting to hit more and more aggressively. </p><p>Soyeon looked at the white power, as she remembered their first snow. Everything surrounding it maybe wasn’t too pleasant, but it was still a moment of their time together.</p><p>“Do you remember our first snow together?” the older asked, before she remembered that the girl was deep in her sleep then. </p><p>But Yuqi wasn’t deep in her sleep. She was fully awake, fully aware. She remembered the times back then, when Soyeon fought for her love. When she made Yuqi’s heart flutter from all the effort she put into them two becoming a couple. Yuqi felt like she got a taste of that three years later, but it was now completely gone.</p><p>“Well, I remember.” Soyeon continued when Yuqi hadn’t said anything. “You were sleeping, and Shuhua was sleeping in a chair right beside you. I hugged you tightly when I said goodbye, and then I saw the snow just before I left.”</p><p>Yuqi bit her lower lip. That wasn’t exactly the highlight of their relationship.</p><p>“I wished you were awake so I could kiss you for real, and say goodbye for real.” the older said. “But maybe it was better that you weren’t, otherwise I’m not sure I would’ve been able to leave.”</p><p>Then, Soyeon looked over to her side where the usually loud Yuqi was completely silent. Her face was silent too, not giving off any emotion. Soyeon thought it was weird, as the chinese usually was bad at hiding her feelings.</p><p>“Woogi.” she called out for her, but she got no reaction. </p><p>The songwriter decided to stop in her track, hearing annoyed noises from strangers beside her, and feeling her arm being pulled by Yuqi who hasn’t realised yet. But as both of their arms ached from Yuqi trying to walk forward while Soyeon stood still, the younger turned her head with a confused gaze.</p><p>“Wha-“ she started, but was quickly cut off.</p><p>Soyeon had lounged herself forwards, right into Yuqi’s arms and lips. The younger was flustered, to say the least, but Soyeon held her head in place as she pressed their lips together roughly.</p><p>“Don’t disappear from me.” the older whispered with their lips only inches apart.</p><p>Yuqi could do nothing else than nod, even if she had so much on her heart that she just wanted to scream out.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Shuhua almost skipped along the pavement as she hurried towards the apartment. She hadn’t seen her babies in a day now, and it was far too long. Plus, since all of the others were out christmas shopping no one would be staying with the puppies, which was unacceptable in Shuhua’s eyes.</p><p>She opened the door and squealed happily as one of the dogs ran up to her feet.</p><p>“Mata!” the taiwanese smiled before bringing the brown dog into her hold.</p><p>The black puppy soon came running too, and Shuhua held them both close to her chest. </p><p>Her heart felt warm and bubbly as she held them, like it only did on rare occasions before. </p><p>She almost didn’t want to put them down, but Haku had began waving his back paws and pushing her away with his front paws. Shuhua figured she couldn’t hold onto them forever, they were dogs after all.</p><p>And once she let them down, they quickly ran further into the apartment, but stopped after only a couple of meters. </p><p>After taking her shoes off, she went in to see what was up with them, only to see someone crouched down, petting them both.</p><p>Shuhua had no time to speculate who it was, before the person lifted their head up, revealing catlike eyes and puffy cheeks.</p><p>The taiwanese’s eyes widened immediately, as she inhaled a long breath as quietly as she could.</p><p>“Soojin...” slipped out of her mouth as nothing more than a whisper. “You’re here.”</p><p>She added the last part to not be too awkward, but the entire situation was already too awkward for a couple of words to change anything.</p><p>“Hi.” the older said with the faintest of smiles.</p><p>They hadn’t talked at all since they were in town, and there they barely talked either. They only said a couple of words to each other, before Soojin attacked her with a hug. </p><p>It had surprised her more than anything, and she couldn’t even hug her back. Shuhua wanted to ask why Soojin did it, but a lot of things were telling her not to. Like the way the older stood reserved with her arms around herself.</p><p>“How have you been?” Shuhua asked, but she was pretty sure she didn’t need an answer to that.</p><p>And she didn’t get one either, as Soojin just looked away.</p><p>The younger watched as she bit her lower lip, maybe keeping herself from whatever she wanted to say. Or maybe keeping it from shivering. Either way, Shuhua noticed as the skin turned white.</p><p>“They’re cute.” Soojin said after awhile. “Minnie told me you adopted them.”</p><p>“I did.” Shuhua nodded. “They were rescue dogs at the clinic I work at.”</p><p>The dancer didn’t miss the fact that Shuhua worked at a veterinary clinic. Fitting, she thought. The girl loved animals probably more than anyone else.</p><p>Soojin wanted to ask her about everything that had happened in the last three years. She’d only stayed updated on Miyeon, but barely even that. She’d seen Soyeon on the news a couple of times, so the fact that her best friend was a Korean celebrity nowadays wasn’t something she’d missed. She could never really watch the news when she came on though, and there was never anything personal.</p><p>Soojin had missed three years of her friends’ lives, and she had so much to catch up on. But she didn’t feel entitled to. Not even with her cousin did she feel like she deserved to know. And maybe it was true. She did make the choice herself at the end of the day.</p><p>None of this would’ve happened if she didn’t choose to go back to him. If she didn’t choose to start dating him in the first place. If she didn’t choose him over the sweetest romance she could’ve had, nothing of this would’ve happened.</p><p>Maybe she’d be the one out christmas shopping right now, instead of feeling like she would decompose at a floor she didn’t deserve to stand on.</p><p>“Do you know when they’ll be back?” Shuhua pulled her out of her grey thoughts.</p><p>Soojin shook her head, not recalling any of them saying anything about when they would be back.</p><p>“Okay...” the younger said as she nodded. “I think I should leave now.”</p><p>She said the last part quietly, as if she didn’t want Soojin to hear it, but the older definitely did.</p><p>She raised her head, looking straight back at Shuhua, before looking away quickly.</p><p>Soojin had to come up with something, anything that would make the younger stay.</p><p>“Why Haku and Mata?” came out rapidly.</p><p>She sounded like she was about to break into a heavy cry, or as if she was constipated. And by the way Shuhua looked at her, the other girl probably thought the same.</p><p>But Soojin got what she’d wished for, as Shuhua sat down on the floor while the dogs ran to her.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The other girls came home later that day, to Shuhua petting a dog in her lap as she enthusiastically explained the plot to a movie Miyeon hadn’t ever heard of. But Soojin sat on the couch with her head resting on her palm, as she nodded from time to time.</p><p>Miyeon noticed how her eyes were glistening, and how one side of her mouth was tugging upwards. The older smiled as she saw it, before showing her presence.</p><p>“I see you’re entertaining her, Shu.” the older said, and Soojin didn’t miss the way the older wiggled her eyebrow.</p><p>She was lucky Shuhua had her back to her.</p><p>“Oh, you’re home already?” the youngest asked.</p><p>Soon, the rest of the three walked into the kitchen. All of them were holding heavy bags, and Yuqi dramatically put her down on the counter before stretching her back.</p><p>“I’ve been currying all those heavy bags for hours now.” she exclaimed. “They have to weight at least one hundred kilos!”</p><p>Soyeon hit her arm as she passed her, making the younger let out an ‘ouch’ before she patted where she was barely touched.</p><p>Yuqi’s eyes followed her girlfriend as she wanted to glare at her, but the glare quickly turned into widening of eyes as she saw the person on the couch.</p><p>“Soojin!” she said loudly as she pointed at her.</p><p>The dancer nodded, before the second youngest let out a happy sound and hurried to hug her.</p><p>Soojin was pushed back as Yuqi came into her arms, almost falling down on her back.</p><p>“Careful!” Soyeon said, but Yuqi just rolled her eyes.</p><p>“When did you get here?” she asked the dancer as she pulled away.</p><p>“Just last night.” Soojin answered.</p><p>Yuqi gasped.</p><p>“And no one told me?” she asked, looking around at all of them before crossing her eyes and forming a pout. “I’m disappointed in you all. I deserve to be the first one to know these stuff.”</p><p>Soyeon huffed from behind, before she grabbed Soojin’s arm and held her close. Yuqi saw this, and only pouted even more.</p><p>“Sorry baby.” Minnie used an annoying voice as she said the pet-name, and she’d walked up to Yuqi to ruffle her hair while she did it. “We must’ve forgotten.”</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Minnie decided it would be a good idea to order pizza tonight, even though Miyeon complained as it was ‘this month’s entire salary!’. That wasn’t true, of course, but Minnie had to admit they didn’t have too much to work with considering their christmas plans.</p><p>But she managed to persuade Miyeon by using her favourite movie, which they would watch as they ate the pizza.</p><p>They were all hungry when the food got there, everyone eager to take their slice as Minnie placed the boxes down on the coffee table.</p><p>With ‘Lady and the Tramp’ playing in the background, they all munched on their pieces. </p><p>Miyeon was too engrossed in the movie to notice Minnie staring at her with the widest grin on her face, before she startled Miyeon as she pulled her closer. The older did however fall back against her body, as she continued watching the two dogs sharing a plate of pasta.</p><p>Yuqi, who was beside them, wanted to gag into her mouth. They’d put a frown on her face, when she could’ve enjoyed the movie without any of their couple stuff. But Yuqi did get a little jealous, so she turned her head and was about to fall into Soyeon’s side, before she realised her girlfriend was basically hanging on Soojin’s arm. Her body rested on the dancer, with her head in her shoulder.</p><p>Yuqi swallowed hard before she tried to focus on the movie again.</p><p>Shuhua had to keep her chuckle to herself as she’d noticed Yuqi’s jealousy. She would lie if she she said she didn’t find it at least a little bit comedic. Until she was reminded of yesterday’s conversation, where this clearly was the opposite of what Yuqi wanted.</p><p>The taiwanese frowned herself, feeling her sisters agitation get to her. It was definitely not because the person Soyeon was holding was Soojin. Definitely not. </p><p>Shuhua wondered if she should talk to Soyeon about it, since Yuqi hadn’t done it yet. The songwriter needed to know that she should hug Yuqi like that, not Soojin. Well, not anyone else.</p><p>Or maybe that would be a little possessi- annoying. Maybe it would be annoying, and Shuhua would receive a scold from Yuqi, and a death threat from Soyeon. Yeah, maybe it was better letting it be. Even though she felt Yuqi’s annoyance.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>“And why can’t she sleep on the couch?” Shuhua heard Yuqi whisper-yell, and she was sure Soojin heard it too.</p><p>The taller girl was sitting right in front of her, keeping the dogs still so that Shuhua could say goodnight to them. Her heavy jacket was already hugging her body, all she was waiting for was for Yuqi to give in.</p><p>And she did, but only after several more minutes. Soojin and Shuhua had kept them in total silence, but it wasn’t as awkward as earlier.</p><p>Then, the younger was pulled away by an angry Yuqi and they disappeared into the cold and snowy night.</p><p>Soojin petted Haku one last time, before standing up from the ground. Soyeon had already went into the bedroom, and the dancer knew she wouldn’t want the dogs in there. So, she carefully opened the door to the other bedroom, and saw both balls of hair disappear into the darkness. Soojin could hear some ruffling on the sheets, before she closed the door.</p><p>Then, she got ready for bed. </p><p>Having one set of clothes wasn’t the best, and it meant her having to borrow clothes from Minnie, but all of them were oversized and that wasn’t Soojin’s favourite. But since she couldn’t borrow from Soyeon or Miyeon, that would have to do.</p><p>She brought the black sweatshirt, or more like dress, over her head as Soyeon got back into the room from the toilet. She looked adorable in her big t-shirt that she used as she slept.</p><p>“I think Yuqi is angry at me.” the korean said as she got into her sheets.</p><p>“You don’t say.” Soojin answered, pulling off the big sweatpants.</p><p>“Why?” the younger asked.</p><p>The dancer just had to laugh at Soyeon’s oblivion. The girl was a genius, for sure, but she was also really stupid.</p><p>“Maybe because you’ve been holding onto me the entire night as if I’ll disappear any second.” Soojin folded the clothes and put them on the chair in the corner.</p><p>“Well, I don’t know if you will or not.” the younger answered.</p><p>The dancer looked up at her before grabbing her toothbrush.</p><p>“I won’t.” she said, before heading out the door.</p><p>Soyeon was left alone in the room, trying to come up with some kind of apology. Maybe she could try flowers or chocolate. Girls on TV liked that... But Yuqi wasn’t like girls on TV. Maybe if Soyeon wrote her an apology song?</p><p>“Ugh.” she let out.</p><p>“What now?” the dancer asked as she came back with freshly brushed teeth.</p><p>“I don’t know what to do.” Soyeon said, holding out the last vowel. “I’ve never had to apologise for something stupid like this before.”</p><p>Soojin rolled her eyes.</p><p>“First of all,” she said as she sat down on the bed, “don’t tell her you think it’s stupid. Second, I don’t think she needs your apology, I just think she wants a little of your attention.”</p><p>“But I’ve been with her all day?”</p><p>“But have you given her attention?”</p><p>Soyeon figured that maybe she hadn’t. At least not the kind of attention Yuqi wanted. If it even was what Yuqi wanted.</p><p>The songwriter grunted before scooting over, closer to the other.</p><p>“Relationships are complicated.” Soyeon muttered.</p><p>“You don’t say.” Soojin answered, for the second time that night.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>What relationship (romantic of platonic) in this story would you want to be a part of the most?</p><p>it’s a lighter chapter this time, and it will be for a couple of chapters now. enjoy the fluff while it lasts.</p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay<br/>curiouscat: https://curiouscat.qa/elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. There must be reasons why the leaves decay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i’m so sorry for the long wait, but i am finally back! and with three chapters! i will post the next one tomorrow, and the third one on sunday. :)</p><p>WARNINGS: light smut.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Soojin saw the hand meeting her cheek, even moved her head away as a reflex before she closed her eyes. But she couldn’t feel the burning ache. Not when it hit her again and again. She couldn’t feel anything, besides her heavy breathing in her chest. And when it began to feel like flames were invading her lungs, that’s when she shot up from the bed.</p><p>Her hand moved up to her face, where she expected to feel bruised and swollen. But when she touched the skin, she felt nothing else than her cold cheek. It didn’t even hurt when she pressed her finger against it.</p><p>She frowned, before she felt something nuzzle into her back. Soojin turned around, and saw the light hair covering her best friend’s face. </p><p>The dancer sighed loudly, as she remembered her whereabouts. That she wasn’t in the chilly apartment, but in the warm one. </p><p>Soyeon nuzzled again, making Soojin want to lie back down and disappear into dreamland with her arms around her friend, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to. Not when she’d just been through that wakening. </p><p>Carefully she scooted towards the edge of the bed, making sure not to wake the young songwriter up. She made no sound as she made it out of the room, and quietly shut the door behind her. The scent of newly made coffee traveled into her eyes as she turned towards the kitchen.</p><p>“Good morning.” Minnie said, standing by the coffee machine as it brewed her coffee. “Did you sleep well?”</p><p>Soojin just nodded, as she was a little too tired to communicate yet. The two dogs came running to her feet, running around her in excited circles. She hunched down and gave them both a pat on their heads, before the fluff-balls ran away to make a mess somewhere else.</p><p>“Do you want some coffee?” the thai asked, holding a smoking cup towards Soojin.</p><p>“Thank you.” the younger said as she grabbed it.</p><p>She noticed Minnie wearing a shirt with white and blue stripes, something she’d never choose herself but that she had to wear as she worked. For the first since she got here, Soojin decided to start a conversation with the older.</p><p>“How is it going?” she asked weakly as she sipped her coffee.</p><p>Minnie, who was making another coffee, seemed startled as first. She looked at Soojin with high eyebrows, as if asking if Soojin really was talking to her. When she realised no one else was in the room with them, the corners of Minnie’s lips shot up into a smile.</p><p>“My job?” she asked.</p><p>Soojin nodded, but couldn’t bring herself to keep her eyes in contact with Minnie’s for too long.</p><p>“Well, it’s going good.” Minnie answered.</p><p>The fact that it almost was the most boring thing she’d ever done, and that she’d recently started to feel crazy because a certain someone keeps showing up, was something she didn’t want to put on Soojin’s shoulders. At least not in the state she’s in right now.</p><p>“There’s nothing much to tell, really.” she continued. “I’m considering looking for something new, but I don’t know any job that would want a woman who doesn’t even have a high school degree.”</p><p>Minnie shrugged, and Soojin stayed quiet. She couldn’t find anything to say, as Minnie’s words were true. </p><p>She sat down on the couch, and kept sipping from her cup.</p><p>“Well, I’m gonna head in with her coffee.” the thai said, motioning for the new cup as she walked away.</p><p>The room was dark and smelled of sleep, which was understandable, as Miyeon laid buried in the covers. She wasn’t asleep, however. Her head perked up as soon as she smelled the scent of coffee.</p><p>Minnie smiled. Her fiancée’s hair was messy, hanging over her face, and her eyes barely open.</p><p>”You really are a messy sleeper.” the younger grinned while placing down the cup on the bedside table.</p><p>Miyeon just grunted, before falling back down on her pillow. She reached out her arms, and Minnie instantly put herself between them.</p><p>They stayed there for a couple of minutes, the older almost falling back to sleep and Minnie leaving occasional kisses on her face. And when she tried to pull away, the other held a tight grip around her neck.</p><p>“Miyeonie, I actually have to go.” she said, pressing up with her arms.</p><p>Minnie may have been the stronger one when they were young, but Miyeon definitely was now.</p><p>“Besides, you gotta be at your job in a couple of hours too.”</p><p>The older stayed silent for a couple of seconds, before her groggy voice filled the room.</p><p>“Why do you have to be there so early today?” she asked.</p><p>The thai bit her lower lip.</p><p>“Someone was sick so they asked me to take the earlier shift instead.” she said.</p><p>Minnie decided not to tell her that it was because of the man who kept showing up around the same time in the afternoon. By starting her shifts earlier, she could also end them earlier, and that way avoid the man.</p><p>The thai knew that lying to Miyeon was no good way of starting a marriage. A marriage built on lie was no better than the one she had before. But she couldn’t tell Miyeon, not now. Not in the middle of her stressing over Soojin. Not before christmas. Minnie could pull through w a couple of days more, before she would have to tell Miyeon.</p><p>“Let go of me now, Miyeonie. I’ll be home before you know it.”</p><p>The older let her arms off her, and Minnie kissed her lips one last time before hurrying away.</p><p>Soojin was still on the couch, sipping the coffee when she passed her. The thai could hear the other let out a quiet ‘goodbye’ before Minnie closed the door behind her.</p><p>The moment the wind touched her skin, she instantly regretted her choice of a light jacket. Christmas was coming quicker than she’d expected.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>“Thank you for being a substitute today.”</p><p>The older woman smiled as she lead Miyeon down the colourful corridor. There were paintings on either side of the walls. Hands dipped in paint plastered on the paper, some decorated with glitter. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it.” Miyeon answered with a genuine smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry to having stolen you from your usual class.”</p><p>The older woman opened the door to the classroom.</p><p>“I’m sure they’ll manage.” the younger answered, before stepping in.</p><p>What met her was a room, one wall in green and the others in white. All having paintings on them. Age marks, such as bumps of dried paint, could be found all over the room. Miyeon thought it gave it character. There was a big shelf going all along the wall on her right side, where every art supply she could think of was placed. This classroom was for sure classier than the one she usually worked in, even though the students were about ten years younger.</p><p>In each chair, sat a child with expectant eyes. Some of them smiled, some blushed, and some of them kept a stone face.</p><p>“Hello class.” the woman said in her blue dress. </p><p>“Hello Mrs Kim.” the students said as if they were a choir.</p><p>“This is Miss Cho and she will be your teacher for today.”</p><p>“You can just call me Miyeon.” the girl chimed in as she looked back at all the eyes.</p><p>“Well then, I guess I’ll leave you to it.” she smiled. “Goodbye class.”</p><p>“Goodbye Mrs Kim.” the choir said, as the woman walked out.</p><p>Miyeon was surprised at how well the class listened to her when she gave them instructions. She usually taught high school students, and they rarely listened to what she told them. She could count on her fingers how many times one of them had tried to make conversation with her, but these kids were asking her question after question.</p><p>The substitute had seated down by a table with five girls. They all dressed in pink or blue, and all had a ribbon in their hair. Miyeon had told them to draw love on their paper, and she managed to catch that most of them were drawing hearts, except for one who drew an animal.</p><p>“Is it your cat?” Miyeon asked, pointing at the girl’s paper.</p><p>She noticed the student’s cheeks turning red, as she lowered her head and nodded.</p><p>“Do you love someone?” another one of the girls asked, focusing on colouring her heart in pink.</p><p>“Me?” Miyeon asked, and the girl nodded. “I love a lot of people.”</p><p>“Me too. I love my mom and my sister and my little brother and my dad and granny...” one of them started rambling.</p><p>“Do you have a boyfriend?” a girl asked, causing the others to giggle slightly.</p><p>Miyeon wanted to scoff, but she realised the kids didn’t know any better. They were born and raised this way, like most others around them. Of course they didn’t know any better.</p><p>“I don’t.” she answered and made herself ready to leave the table.</p><p>“My sister says boys are stupid and that she doesn’t want to date them because they are stupid.” the rambling girl had stopped rambling to join the current conversation.</p><p>“Do you think boys are stupid too?”</p><p>The teacher smiled at her student’s innocence. She hoped they wouldn’t meet any stupid boys in their lives, but that was an impossible wish. </p><p>“I’m sure there are smart boys too.” she got up from her chair. “But yes, boys are a little stupid.”</p><p>The girls giggled while Miyeon continued to the next table.</p><p>Her class finished an hour later with all the kids running out for recess in the snow. But one boy stayed in the classroom, making Miyeon raise an eyebrow his way.</p><p>“Aren’t you gonna go out and play with your friends, Mr Kim?” she asked, tilting her head to the side with a faint smile on her face.</p><p>His eyes were down at the ground, with his hands behind his back. Miyeon saw the blush of his cheeks and ears, and she noticed how he opened and closed his mouth several times.</p><p>“You can call me Donghyun.” he said quietly.</p><p>“I don’t think that is-“</p><p>“Hyerim said you don’t have a boyfriend.” Donghyun muttered, taking a step closer to Miyeon.</p><p>The teacher realised what was going on, and smiled to herself. </p><p>“I don’t.” </p><p>She watches as he took another few steps towards her. Then, he brought forward his hands from his back, where he was holding a paper. He still didn’t lift his eyes, as he was too nervous.</p><p>“Here.” the boy stuttered.</p><p>Miyeon smiled wider. Her eyes drifted down to the paper, where he’d written a message surrounded by hearts. “You are pretty. Will you be my girlfriend? From Kim Donghyun to Miss Miyeon.” Miyeon read. </p><p>“This is very sweet of you.” she told him.</p><p>The girl hunched down to be closer to his height, before she placed a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Do you want to know a secret?”</p><p>He nodded eagerly, which was what she’d expected.</p><p>“I think my girlfriend will be very jealous when I show her this.”</p><p>Her heart did skip a beat when she confessed. It seemed like it always would. And she did get a little nervous when the boy frowned.</p><p>“But...” he started. “You can be my girlfriend and her girlfriend.”</p><p>Her heart warmed as he didn’t seem to think twice about it.</p><p>“You think so?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes. You can love me and her at the same time.”</p><p>Miyeon smiled once again, before reaching up to brush her hand over his hair.</p><p>“I will think about it, Mr Kim. But for now, you have to go out and play with your friends before they use up all the snow for their snowmen.”</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Soyeon strutted down the halls of the college she’d never actually attended, but that she’d spent too many night in the last three years to count.</p><p>The door to Yuqi’s dorm was locked, and Soyeon hoped for dear god that her roommate wasn’t there. When Soyeon opened the door, it seemed like her praying had come true.</p><p>One bed was occupied, the other one was not. Yuqi was laying on her back, headphones on her ears and her eyelids shut. </p><p>Soyeon smiled. The girl was really cute, especially when she rested. All her features became puffier, in some way. Her cheeks, her eyes, her lips. And she turned a slightly more red colour, as if she had a cold.</p><p>The songwriter sneakily walked towards the bed, and hunched down above Yuqi, until their lips were pressed together. The younger wasn’t asleep, as she immediately moved her lips against the other.</p><p>Soyeon started smiling against her, before pulled away. Yuqi opened her eyes as she took off her headphones. She smiled immediately. The younger brought the other back down by her shirt, and pressed their lips together again.</p><p>“I hope you recognise my lips, otherwise I’m very hurt.” Soyeon said as she’d pulled away the second time.</p><p>Yuqi rolled her eyes, while the songwriter climbed over her legs to rest her back against the wall.</p><p>“I think you’re the only one who would break into my dorm to kiss me.” the younger answered, lifting herself up at the back of her arms.</p><p>“You never know.” Soyeon answered nonchalantly.</p><p>She met Yuqi’s eyes, and smirked. The older girl leaned forward, and sneaked over to the other on her hands and knees.</p><p>“I’m sure Song Yuqi is a very talked about subject at this college.” Soyeon said as she hovered above her, before lowering down to leave a kiss on her lips.</p><p>“The sick girl in business class? Yeah, absolutely. I hear people speak her name all around here. I heard she’s a real catch.”</p><p>“Is that so?” the older lowered her head even more, pressing her mouth against the soft skin on her neck again. “Her girlfriend should be more territorial then.”</p><p>Yuqi laid down flat on her bed again, allowing Soyeon to lay down right on top of her.</p><p>“Oh, she definitely should.” the younger said as she breathed deeply.</p><p>Soyeon kept giving her soft kisses and leaving small marks on her neck, listening to Yuqi’s heavy exhales and feeling her warm skin. The younger gasped when Soyeon left a kiss at a particularly sensitive place. The older made the same move again, and felt Yuqi’s legs hook on her sides.</p><p>The younger was going to make an effort and turn them around, as he pressed against one of Soyeon’s sides. But then she remembered the bruises on her back, and the ones that had started appearing on her torso.</p><p>“Aren’t you gonna turn us around?” the older asked, having felt the added weight at her right side.</p><p>She was lucky Soyeon hadn’t pulled her head away from her neck, otherwise she would’ve seen the way Yuqi’s nostrils flickered.</p><p>“I wanna be at the bottom today.” she answered.</p><p>“Really?” the older lifted her head.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Soyeon studied her for a second, before leaning in to kiss her once again.</p><p>Their lips moved together in harmony, as if they were sure what the other’s next move would be every time they moved their lips in a new direction. </p><p>Yuqi had just introduced her tongue, let it explore Soyeon’s mouth, when she started tugging at the older’s shirt. Soyeon being on top, it wasn’t too hard to get it off. The younger pulled away with a smacking sound, and led her lips to the older’s neck and chest instead. Then, she felt Soyeon’s hands sliding down to the end of her shirt, and she instantly grabbed them.</p><p>“What?” the older asked, startled as she sat up.</p><p>“I want to keep it on today.” Yuqi answered shyly.</p><p>Soyeon’s mind instantly went wild, thinking of the reasons to why. Had she remembered the bruises she saw a while ago, she wouldn’t have to start getting worried that someone else had marked her girlfriend’s body. But she didn’t remember, and she was starting to get worried.</p><p>A frown spread on Soyeon’s face and she looked Yuqi up and down. The younger startled biting her inner cheek, before Soyeon shook her head and laid down on her again.</p><p>“Well, that’s unfair.” she mouthed, sending vibrations into Yuqi’s mouth.</p><p>The younger’s hands brushed over Soyeon’s back, up and down as she felt the soft skin. She had goosebumps, making Yuqi kiss her even harder when she felt them.</p><p>A hand roamed down Yuqi’s body again, but this time further than the hem of her shirt. This time, it pulled on her sweats. Soyeon slid down on the bed, and Yuqi lifted up her hips to let the other undress her more easily. </p><p>She felt the cold air of the room hit her most sensitive spot, before it was exchanged to a mouth. Yuqi let out a moan, as she started seeing stars in her eyes.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Shuhua felt her hands growing sweat as she walked towards the bar. She saw the black haired woman with her back towards her, and she knew that was the person she was meeting up with.</p><p>They had only talked in texts for a couple of days, and Shuhua hadn’t felt much interest, but Yuqi told her that this woman was perfect. Shuhua figured she should at least try. She had found a person that interested her enough to keep talking, after all.</p><p>“Debby?” the taiwanese asked.</p><p>The woman turned around, with the exact same smile she had on her pictures. But Shuhua could still see how her nerves were haunting her.</p><p>“Yes, Shuhua?” Debby stood up as she asked.</p><p>“Hi.” Shuhua said.</p><p>She wasn’t sure if they were supposed to hug or not, making them stare at each other for a long second, before Debby was the one to open her arms for the other.</p><p>They hugged quickly, and Shuhua knew right away that Debby would make a good friend.</p><p>And they did hit it of. They had similar interests and background, and their conversation didn’t seem to end. Every time Debby shot her a question, Shuhua shot back an equally interesting one. It didn’t even take long for them to steer away from the small talk.</p><p>People passing them would’ve thought they’d been friends since forever, considering how loud they both talked and how much they laughed.</p><p>But Shuhua didn’t feel that warm, flowering feeling in her heart. Looking at Debby’s smile, she for sure started smiling herself, but she didn’t feel butterflies in her belly. Her skin didn’t start burning when Debby grabbed her hand somewhere during the date.</p><p>Maybe Shuhua was just unable to fall in love? Well, fall in love again. Maybe her first love was too strong for her to be able to ever feel something for anyone else. Or maybe she should just accept that she’s still in love with her first love, and she won’t be able to love anyone else before she’s moved on. However she was supposed to do that.</p><p>When Shuhua and Debby split ways, she hadn’t gotten a partner, but she did get her number. At least she had a new friend, and she was almost just as desperate for friends.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Haku was resting in her lap, snoring lightly as she petted his tiny head. Her eyes were watching the screen, not paying any attention to whatever was playing. Her head was a little too busy with all the voices screaming, and the pictures popping up.</p><p>Soojin barely even noticed when her phone started ringing, if it wasn’t for Haku’s head perking up at the sudden vibrations.</p><p>She reached for the source of the sound and brought it up to her face. Her heart sank as she read the caller ID. But still, her thumb almost immediately moved to answer the call.</p><p>Soojin heard a deep breath on the other end, before his voice filled her eardrums.</p><p>“Soojin?” he asked, his voice high and wavering, but it wavered a little too much to sound real. “Soojin, hi.”</p><p>The girl stayed silent.</p><p>“Are you there?” he asked, keeping up with his acting. “I miss you so much.”</p><p>Her lip hurt from how hard she pressed her teeth into it.</p><p>“Please come home.”</p><p>Haku had sat up in her lap, using his paw to touch her side over and over. Soojin didn’t notice, however, as she was too busy controlling her breathing.</p><p>“Baby?” Hui continued, his voice sounding more stern. “Baby, I know you’re there. It’s time to come home.”</p><p>The female dancer swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.</p><p>“You’re pushing back your recovery, Soojin.”</p><p>The man started talking to her in warnings, instead of the sweetness he tried to portray before. She could hear how he exhaled loudly out of agitation, but she made no effort to ease it.</p><p>“If you don’t come home, I’m gonna find you and make you regret that you didn’t listen to me.”</p><p>His voice was sharp and hard. It was a threat.</p><p>But, Soojin wasn’t going to fall for his manipulation. Without saying a single word, or listening to one more of his, she lowered the phone, and pressed the screen. The three beeps were loud enough for her to hear even when her phone was in her lap.</p><p>Haku laid down again, and the dancer’s hand went to rest in his fur.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter: <br/>What is something you’ve been wanting to tell someone? (could be about this au or about anything else, just something you want to share)</p><p>also, soyeon and soojin’s love is too platonic to be romantic, but too romantic to be platonic. that’s all.</p><p>oh and creds to nats for the kids’ names. i normally don’t do this but she specifically asked for it so...</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay (i’m ia at the moment but i do post updates about the au)<br/>curiouscat: https://curiouscat.qa/elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Time will say nothing but I told you so</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is a real rollercoaster of a chapter, prepare yourself! and enjoy, of course.</p><p>WARNINGS: tiny mention of death and disease.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>“You know we could’ve used this money to save up for a better car.” Miyeon said as she pressed a bag into the trunk.</p><p>Minnie rolled her eyes and closed the trunk behind her.</p><p>“Stop being so focused on money all the time.” the thai said.</p><p>Miyeon crossed her arms and started frowning, scoffing under her breath.</p><p>“It’s hard not to when you don’t care at all.” she said between her teeth. </p><p>The younger bit her lower lip and closed her eyes, as to prevent going on a range. Miyeon rolled her eyes and scoffed several times more, while Minnie tried to make her thoughts clear.</p><p>”Okay, come here.” she said and held out her arms.</p><p>It took Miyeon a moment to obey, before she stepped closer and fell into Minnie’s embrace. Her head landed on her shoulder, and her own arms wrapped around the other’s waist. Minnie kissed her temple as she brushed her hands over Miyeon’s back.</p><p>“It’s Christmas. Let’s not fight.” she said quietly, and Miyeon nodded.</p><p>”What are those two doing out there?” Yuqi asked, her head turned around to watch the two.</p><p>The four younger girls were all pressed into the backseat, not ideal because of many reasons. Soyeon and Yuqi were sitting in the middle, as that would be the least awkward, and Soojin and Shuhua on either side of them. But the seats definitely weren’t supposed to fit four women. </p><p>“Hey, how did the date go yesterday?” Yuqi asked and tapped Shuhua’s shoulder.</p><p>Soojin’s head perked up immediately. Afterwards, she hoped she’d moved more discreetly, as Shuhua for sure noticed her movement.</p><p>“You went on a date?” Soyeon asked with a smirk.</p><p>The doors opened in the front, and two girls got in, one with two dogs in her arms.</p><p>“Are we ready to go?” the oldest asked.</p><p>“Did you know Shuhua was on a date yesterday?” the songwriter asked, ignoring Miyeon’s questions.</p><p>“What?” Minnie asked loudly with a teasing smile.</p><p>“Really?” the oldest asked as she started the car. “I thought it never would happen.”</p><p>“Yeah, with a girl named Debby.” </p><p>“How was it?” the thai asked.</p><p>Shuhua blushed as all the attention was on her, even though she really had nothing interesting to tell them.</p><p>Soojin tried to hide the frown that was forming on her face. Shuhua had waited for her for years, but maybe it finally was too late.</p><p>“She’s really nice and funny and all that.” the youngest started. “But there’s no butterflies or anything.”</p><p>“That’s fine.” Soyeon reassured. “It rarely works the first time.”</p><p>“Our baby is all grown up!” Minnie squealed.</p><p>Shuhua complained by rolling her eyes.</p><p>”I’ve been grown up since you guys left me alone in high school.” she argued.</p><p>“That’s literally none of our choice!” Yuqi said loudly. “Plus, Soojin was with you everyday for as long as she could.”</p><p>Soojin swallowed harshly at the mention of her name. But the corner’s of her mouth perked up.</p><p>“Did you want me to retake last year?” she said quietly.</p><p>All seemed slightly surprised that she spoke, but they also smiled. </p><p>“Well, yeah.” she said. “Everyone literally left me one after another.”</p><p>“Is this a competition?” the chinese asked. “My girlfriend left me and then I spent years at the hospital.”</p><p>“My girlfriend was taken away from me and my dad died!” the third voice decided to join the competition.</p><p>“Okay, none of us had a great high school experience.” Soyeon said before they started fighting with each other.</p><p>“High school was gross.” Soojin chimed in.</p><p>“I mean, first half? Amazing.” Miyeon said while focusing on the road. “But the second half...”</p><p>Yuqi let out a loud gasp.</p><p>“So when Shuhua and I came into your lives, that’s when everything went downhill?” she asked with a faked pout.</p><p>“Well... yeah.” the oldest answered. “You brought the bad luck with you.”</p><p>“Ouch.” the chinese said and dramatically fell back on her seat.</p><p>“There’s a positive side too. Without high school, we wouldn’t be sitting here together today.” Minnie said, most likely wanting Yuqi to stop pouting.</p><p>“Yeah we would’ve moved back to China long ago if it wasn’t for you guys.” Shuhua said.</p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Our parents wanted us to move back when I got sick, but we refused.” Yuqi added.</p><p>The car was filled with aw:s, and both of the youngest girls got a few too many squeezes of their cheeks. </p><p>Shuhua blushed as Miyeon said her comment, and her eyes managed to meet Soojin’s. The older was smiling, looking more genuine than she ever had. It caused Shuhua to smile even wider, and they didn’t look away until Yuqi snapped her fingers in front of them. Shuhua decided to ignore the suspicious look Yuqi gave her afterwards.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>They arrived over an hour later. Shuhua was deep in her sleep, so Yuqi pinched her to wake up.</p><p>Outside the car was a forest covered in snow, and a small pathway leading to a red cabin.</p><p>They all walked down it together, the dogs behind them. Minnie unlocked the door, which squeaked when it opened.</p><p>The cabin wasn’t the biggest, but it was what they’d payed for. The kitchen was in the left corner of the room, furniture in dark wood and red curtains. In front of it was a black couch in leather, with a dark brown coffee table and a miniature TV in front of it. Under the living room section was a red carpet that looked worn out. At their right was a wall with several doors, which led into a short hallway. </p><p>While Shuhua and Yuqi moved to look in the kitchen, the other four girls inspected the room. The first one had a queen sized bed, the next one too, and the last one had two smaller ones. </p><p>There was a nook just by the door, that Soojin later seated in. Mata quickly laid down beside her, as she looked out the window.</p><p>“There‘s no food.” Yuqi called out.</p><p>“No shit.” Minnie said under her breath.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The oldest two were out getting groceries, meaning there was nothing to eat in the house. Yuqi was lucky she’d brought a bag of chips from home, otherwise she would’ve starved already. At least she thought it felt that way.</p><p>In the nook in the window sat Soyeon and Soojin, quietly talking as they looked out into the dark forest where snow was falling. Yuqi felt her jaw tightening, and her eyebrows lowering.</p><p>Shuhua was seated with the dogs at the couch. She was tapping with her thumbs on her screen, seeming to be focused in the conversation.</p><p>The chinese walked towards her, still eyeing the other two as she did so. Shuhua woke up from her trance as she smelled chips, and her hand instantly went up to seek for the bowl Yuqi held in front of her.</p><p>“Shuhua, help me.” Yuqi said as she fell down beside the other. “Get her away from my girlfriend.”</p><p>The younger perked her head up, and saw the two holding hands in the window.</p><p>”No, I’m not going anywhere near her.” she answered and grabbed some more chips.</p><p>The chinese pouted.</p><p>“Not even for your miserable sister who knows for a fact that her girlfriend loves another girl more?”</p><p>Shuhua tiled her head up again, to take a glance at the older two, and quickly decided that she wouldn’t even do it for Yuqi.</p><p>“Nope.” she said.</p><p>The older groaned and pressed chips into her mouth.</p><p>“And she loves you two in a different way, you know that.”</p><p>“Does she really?” Yuqi questioned in a higher pitch than normal. “Soyeon hates PDA but still, she’s sitting there holding her hand. She’s constantly clinging onto her.”</p><p>Shuhua bit her lower lip, trying to come up with something they could reason with.</p><p>“They’ve been apart for three years-“</p><p>“And she will be apart from me for the rest of her life!” Yuqi said a little too loudly, catching the attention from the other two but they most likely didn’t hear what she’d said, as their attention drifted away shortly after. “But maybe she doesn’t care about that, now that she has Soojin.”</p><p>“Don’t say that.” the younger tried, looking back to make sure the two didn’t hear. “I thought you two were doing better?”</p><p>Yuqi scoffed and angrily chewed her snack.</p><p>“We slept together, that’s not gonna change anything.” she said between her teeth.</p><p>The younger didn’t know what to say anymore. She knew she wouldn’t be able to get the girl on better thoughts. And she knew she couldn’t convince her anything else, because anything else would be a lie. Shuhua had always known Soyeon would be troublesome, she’d tried to get Yuqi’s attention off her many times, but nothing worked. Her sister was completely in love with the songwriter, and there wasn’t anything that could change that. The taiwanese could just regret that she hadn’t tried harder to keep Yuqi away from her all those years ago.</p><p>Shuhua put an arm around Yuqi’s shoulders, and let the older lean on her for comfort. The girl was uptight, almost shaking. At times like these, Shuhua truly disliked Soyeon. But Soyeon had also done so much for both of them, and she had her reasons. The taiwanese knew Yuqi was reasoning in the exact same way, but none of it takes away the fact that Soyeon keeps all her attention on Soojin when she steps into the room.</p><p>“You like her, huh?” the older asked against her shoulder.</p><p>“What?” Shuhua asked, fluttered.</p><p>“Debby.” the chinese said.</p><p>Shuhua hadn’t even notices the hundreds of notifications popping up on her phone, those Yuqi right now was motioning to.</p><p>“Well, yeah.” she answered. “But we’re not gonna be more than friends.”</p><p>“I figured.” Yuqi sighed. “You still like Soojin.”</p><p>Shuhua blushed immediately at her words, and hoped for dear god that the older two didn’t hear their conversation.</p><p>“I don’t-“</p><p>“How could I even miss that? I mean, it’s so obvious! I feel stupid.” the younger added.</p><p>The teeth of Shuhua started pressing into the skin under her lower lip, as she felt her ears burning.</p><p>“Is it really that obvious?” she whispered.</p><p>“Yes!” Yuqi answered in her duh-voice. “The way you look at her and basically stop breathing. You blush and your mouth always opens as if you’re gonna lean on any second and k-“</p><p>“Okay!” the younger answered loudly, startling Yuqi. “Well, it can’t happen anyways.”</p><p>“And why not?”</p><p>Shuhua’s brain made a trip down memory lane, but it was way too painful even in the beginning. Shuhua with her arms around Soojin, begging her not to go into her boyfriend’s car. Soojin walked away. She quickly snapped back to reality, now was not the time to fall into one of those periods.</p><p>“The same reason it never worked out.” she answered in short.</p><p>“Maybe it’s gonna be different this time around.” Yuqi reasoned while chewing a couple of more of the chips.</p><p>Shuhua sighed.</p><p>“It’s not gonna happen, Yuqi. We’re never gonna be Miyeon and Minnie or you and Soyeon. It’s just not gonna work out.”</p><p>The older stayed quiet. Her hand started brushing over Shuhua’s arm to comfort her. There wasn’t much to comfort really. The taiwanese had already accepted the fact long ago. She was just waiting for the day when she wouldn’t wake up feeling like something was missing.</p><p>“You wouldn’t wanna be me and Soyeon anyways.” Yuqi sighed.</p><p>“You’re only seeing the bad stuff now Yuqi.”</p><p>Although Shuhua saw all of Soyeon’s wrongdoings, and she fully was on Yuqi’s side, she still got annoyed when her sister behaved like this. She had the girl she always wanted, and she did absolutely nothing to keep her. Yuqi kept complaining and complaining about the lover she had, while there was no way for Shuhua to even dream of hers. The world was such a cruel and unfair place.</p><p>“Have you told her?” she then asked.</p><p>“I can’t tell Soyeon-“</p><p>“Tell me what?” the voice suddenly filled their eardrums, causing both girls to stand up from the couch.</p><p>“Nothing.” Yuqi quickly said between a tight line of her lips.</p><p>Soyeon visibly frowned, studying Yuqi’s face. Shuhua even noticed how her eyes became more shiny than they normally where, and how the songwriter swallowed strongly. Her lip started shaking the second before she drifted her eyes away to the dogs.</p><p>“Uhm... we’re gonna walk the dogs.” she said in a shaky voice, that she was trying to hide.</p><p>Yuqi cursed at herself inwardly. Soyeon disliked those puppies strongly, and they were out just when they arrived here. </p><p>“O-Okay.” the younger stuttered.</p><p>Soyeon didn’t even meet her eyes, before walking towards the door and grabbing her jacket.</p><p>Yuqi looked over at Shuhua, who motioned for her to go to Soyeon with her hand and with several nods. The older bit her lower lip, before doing as her sister wanted.</p><p>“Soyeon...” she said quietly, watching as the other put on her shoes.</p><p>“Yeah?” Soyeon asked without looking at her.</p><p>“Can we walk them together?” the younger asked in a shaking voice.</p><p>“Soojin and I were gonna-“</p><p>Yuqi reached for Soyeon’s arm, startling the other to look into her eyes. </p><p>“Please?” she asked in the most genuine way she could.</p><p>Her eyes didn’t leave Soyeon for a second, as the older looked to her side and nodded, before looking back. </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” she then said.</p><p>Yuqi’s lips tugged upwards.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The snow and wind were swirling around them, making their cheeks pink and hurt. Soyeon was buried deep in her jacket, while Yuqi kept watching her from time to time.</p><p>It had been a couple of minutes since they got out into the snow, but neither of them had said a word. </p><p>“What is it, Woogi?” until now that is. “I know there’s something you wanna talk about.”</p><p>Yuqi blushed at the mention of her nickname. She barely heard it these days, so when she did, she loved it even more.</p><p>She bit her tongue, before blushing madly.</p><p>“You still like me, right?” the younger asked in a shaky voice.</p><p>“What?” Soyeon asked and scoffed.</p><p>She even stopped, and made Yuqi stop with her. Her face was in a frown, but her lips in some kind of smile. As if she thought Yuqi was joking with her. She realised later that that wasn’t the case, as her lips fell.</p><p>“Of course I do, why would you even doubt that?” Soyeon asked, clearly disturbed.</p><p>“It’s just... I don’t know.” Yuqi’s head fell.  “Everyone has times when they doubt the relationship.”</p><p>Soyeon had to ask herself if they really do. To her, that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. But what does she know.</p><p>“I still like you.” she said and took a step closer to the other. “A lot.” </p><p>The older stood on her toes to reach Yuqi’s lips, and gently pressed them together. They were dry and cold, but Soyeon didn’t care. </p><p>“Are you gonna sleep with me tonight?” the younger asked against her lips.</p><p>“You mean like we did yesterday?” Soyeon smirked.</p><p>“No, sleep.” Yuqi took a tiny step away to be able to see her girlfriend’s face. “Actual sleep. Like, cuddled up in my arms and all that. I miss you, you know.”</p><p>Soyeon led her cold hand up to Yuqi’s cold cheek, and squeezed the skin there. Multiple people had told Yuqi that she looked like a porcelain doll, with big eyes and rosy cheeks. The songwriter couldn’t think of anything more beautiful than Yuqi, inside and out. Her heart even skipped a beat just now, as she was overwhelmed with all the feelings Yuqi gave her.</p><p>“I miss you too.” she said, and stood in her toes to kiss her again.</p><p>Seemed like Shuhua and Soojin would have to share a room.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Now that the dogs were stolen away, Shuhua and Soojin had absolutely nothing to talk about. Well, they had a lot to talk about, but nothing that they actually could talk about.</p><p>Soojin was going to leave for her room when Soyeon and Yuqi closed the door, but it was light a magnet had pulled her back. And it had pulled her all the way to the couch Shuhua was sitting on.</p><p>She regretted it deeply now when she sat at the other end of the couch with nothing else to look at than the empty screen in front of her. Shuhua had her phone to focus at, but Soojin had left it in Seoul.</p><p>The dancer took a far too deep breath, as Shuhua’s head shot up to look at her. Soojin felt the need to excuse herself, and she was just going to, when the younger spoke.</p><p>“I wonder when they’ll be back.” she said. “It’s far too cold for Haku and Mata to be out for long.”</p><p>“I’m sure they’re aware.” the older answered quietly.</p><p>“Yeah...” Shuhua looked back down on her phone.</p><p>Soojin had no clue what her body was doing, but she suddenly stood up, took two steps forward, and sat back down, right beside Shuhua. The younger looked at her from the corner of her eye, visible confused. Soojin was just as confused as she was. It was like her brain had shut down, and her body worked on it own.</p><p>“Shu...” she spoke.</p><p>She blushed madly afterwards. Why the hell did her mouth just say that?</p><p>Shuhua furrowed her eyebrows as she confusedly looked at the older. And Soojin bit her lip to keep any more words from spilling out, but it didn’t work.</p><p>“Can I hold you hand?” </p><p>The younger was startled enough to back away an inch, and it took Soojin a moment to realise what she’d asked for. But when she did, she immediately panicked.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m-“</p><p>“Soojin.” Shuhua said to calm her down.</p><p>It worked, as the older shut up immediately. Her eyes fell, and she was ready to get up and walk away, before she saw the palm in front of her. When she looked up, Shuhua gave her a faint smile, and encouraging eyes. The older blushed again, before her eyes drifted back down to the hand. </p><p>A palm had never before been so mesmerising. It looked like a normal hand, only the mole being unique to this hand. Soojin dared to carefully grab it with her own hand. It was just as soft as she’d imagined, and as she’d remembered. She let her fingers move over the skin, before she slowly intertwined their hands. But the second she did, there was a sound from the door, and she instantly backed away.</p><p>“It’s snowing like crazy!” Minnie exclaimed loudly. </p><p>Shuhua cleared her throat before standing up.</p><p>“Where’s Soyeon and Yuqi?” Miyeon asked, eyeing around the room. </p><p>“Either crying or screaming at each other.” the youngest said as she reached for the bags the thai was carrying.</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>“This is such a stupid movie.” Soyeon openly declared as they all watched the screen.</p><p>Shuhua couldn’t remember the title of the movie they were watching, but she hadn’t focused too much either. She had too much on her mind, and Soyeon constantly sighing and complaining didn’t make it any easier.</p><p>“Why would he grab her by the wrist like that?” the songwriter asked. “I’m sure she can make it out of the supermarket on herself.”</p><p>Minnie had decided to close her out. She had Miyeon’s sleeping head on her shoulder, but still managed to stay focused on the movie.</p><p>Soyeon constantly searched for Soojin’s agreement, but the dancer simply shrugged.</p><p>“Why is he so possessive of her?” the songwriter continued.</p><p>“He’s not possessive.” Yuqi decided to argue. “He just wants to protect her.”</p><p>“If that was my boyfriend then I would’ve broken up with him long ago.” the older obviously ignored what her girlfriend had said.</p><p>Her arms were crossed over her chest, and her throat preparing itself to scoff.</p><p>“Maybe she liked it when he’s like that.” Yuqi said. “It shows that he really likes her.” </p><p>Soyeon let out the awaited scoff.</p><p>“It shows that he wants to own her.” </p><p>The younger rolled her eyes. She knew she wouldn’t be able to get her point across. When Soyeon thought something, that was the only thing that was right. She wouldn’t even listen to what Yuqi said, and the chinese knew that, but something still made her try.</p><p>“It does not!” she argued louder, making the other girls look at them. “I would like it if someone acted like that with me.”</p><p>Now, that wasn’t the smartest move, Yuqi knew. But, it was an obvious hint.</p><p>“Huh.” Soyeon scoffed and fell further down in the couch. “Well, then you better find yourself a new girlfriend cause I refuse to be possessive over you.”</p><p>It wasn’t the fact that Soyeon wouldn’t act possessive over her that disturbed Yuqi. She couldn’t care less about that. What made Yuqi’s eyebrows turn into a frown and her mouth pout, was the was her girlfriend was ready to give her up so easily.</p><p>“Maybe I should.” Yuqi whispered, but made sure to say it loud enough for everyone to hear.</p><p>“Okay!” Shuhua, the peacemaker said loudly. “Board game anyone?” </p><p>They ignored the movie for the rest of the night, as they kept playing different games. The couple didn’t keep up their argument throughout the night, but they wouldn’t speak a word to each other. Knowing them, they would wake up more in love than ever, so it was better not to interfere with it.</p><p>But one thing was clear; Shuhua and Soojin wouldn’t have to share a room tonight.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>Who should be the one to step up first in YuYoen’s argument?</p><p>i hope you enjoyed the second chapter this “3 chapter weekend”. there is a lot to come, as most of you have expected. thank you for the support on the last chapter, and i’ll see you tomorrow!</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay (i’m ia at the moment but i still update about the au)<br/>curiouscat: https://curiouscat.qa/elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Perhaps the roses really want to grow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>whoa, this is a rollercoaster of a chapter! these christmas chapters weren’t even supposed to be angsty, but they turned out to be the most angsty ones so far.<br/>i hope you enjoyed reading chapters three days in a row! it sure was hard work, but i’m happy that i managed to get them all out.<br/>i’ll be back on friday :)</p><p> </p><p>WARNINGS: strong language.</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Being up early in the morning had its advantages. Minnie could enjoy her tea at the couch while calmly looking through her phone, and Soyeon could get a few hours to work on her new playlist. </p><p>The two didn’t speak too much. It usually was like that. But none of them felt the need to, so it was fine. Plus, Minnie wouldn’t dare to disturb Soyeon’s work peace.</p><p>But today, the songwriter was the first to speak.</p><p>“Do you think Woogi’s still mad at me since the argument yesterday?” she asked, keeping her headphones on and her eyes on the screen.</p><p>“Nah, you know how Yuqi is.” Minnie quickly answered, not lifting her eyes from her own screen either. “And, it’s Christmas.”</p><p>Soyeon hummed as a response, and the room fell silent again. That only lasted for a single second though, as a loud voice came from down the hall.</p><p>“Merry Christmas!” it said loudly, followed by the same sentence in Mandarin.</p><p>Yuqi’s low voice came closer and closer, until it was right behind them. The younger put her arms around Minnie to hug her good morning or merry Christmas, no one would know. Then she walked over to Soyeon and did the same to her, only adding her lips somewhere in there too.</p><p>Soyeon didn’t like PDA, no matter who it was in front of, and Yuqi knew this. But still, she couldn’t keep herself from pressing her own lips against Soyeon’s. </p><p>The older responded, as a girlfriend should, but she blushed immediately as Yuqi pulled away. Soyeon couldn’t even look at Minnie, which the thai thought was adorable. She would’ve squeezed her cheeks if she didn’t know that only added to the embarrassment. And she would most likely loose at least one finger.</p><p>“Well, you’re happy.” Minnie said with a chuckle.</p><p>“It’s Christmas!” the childlike adult squealed happily.</p><p>She disappeared down the hall just seconds later, humming as she went. Soyeon looked back in her phone again, while Minnie smirked.</p><p>“I don’t think she’s mad at you.” the older said in a teasing tone, causing the korean to lour at her.</p><p>Yuqi came back just as loud as she was the first time, and instantly opened every cabinet in the kitchen she could find. Her hands roamed around the shelves, and Minnie knew the next question was coming before Yuqi even opened her mouth.</p><p>“What are we having for breakfast?” the youngest asked.</p><p>Minnie rolled her eyes with a playful smile.</p><p>“I was gonna wait for Miyeon.”</p><p>As if on cue, the oldest yawned her was into the room.</p><p>“Miyeon is up.” she said in a husky voice.</p><p>Her hair was messy on her head, and her eyes were barely open. She stretched as she walked. She had probably woken up while she stood up from the bed.</p><p>“Merry Christmas Miyeonie!” the Chinese said and ran up to hug her.</p><p>“Merry Christmas.” Miyeon yawned.</p><p>When Yuqi had let go of her, she flopped herself down on the couch. Her eyes closed immediately, and Minnie wouldn’t be surprised if the girl actually slept for a millisecond more. Her body even leaned towards Minnie, and fell down on the couch because the thai wasn’t close enough. But Miyeon made no effort to get up. </p><p>Minnie chuckled, and bent down to give her a kiss, before she stood up from the couch.</p><p>“I think we’re gonna have to start without her.” the thai said, and Yuqi followed her to the kitchen like a dog does when it’s about to get a treat.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>If Shuhua smoked, now would be the perfect time to be smoking her cigarette. Outside the red cabin, with the dogs running widely around her, and with nothing else around her than the deep forest. </p><p>She could almost imagine this scene in a movie. Inside, the Christmas party was in full swing. Everyone chatting loudly, clinking their glasses and laughing wildly. And outside, she was getting some air. Perfect time for a lit cigarette, if she only smoked.</p><p>Someone suddenly cleared their throat behind her, causing Shuhua to rightfully jump. Who was out in the middle of the forest on Christmas day? </p><p>When she turned around, she saw Soojin dressed in one of Minnie’s heavy jackets. She looked tiny in it, which she also was. Her hands were buried in her pockets, and her cheeks pink from the sudden cold after being inside for so long.</p><p>“You scared me.” Shuhua said quietly.</p><p>Hadn’t Soojin been on her a lot lately? First she made Shuhua stay for hours as they waited for their friends back at the apartment, then yesterday she held Shuhua’s hand out of nowhere, and now this.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” the older said, quietly as usual. “I needed a break form Yuqi’s hysteria.”</p><p>That was Soojin’s try for an icebreaker, and it worked, as Shuhua let out a chuckle. The sweet sound made the older smile immediately. </p><p>But that was it. One second of happiness, then it turned to uncomfortable silence again. Soojin hated it. They were once best friends, almost as close as they could be, spent almost everyday together, but now they were nothing but awkward strangers.</p><p>There was so much more to Shuhua now that didn’t exist back then, that Soojin wanted to ask her about. But every time she tried, a lump formed in her throat and stopped her from saying anything at all.</p><p>Just yesterday, she knew how much her heart and brain wanted to say the words, but her mouth wouldn’t let her. Her body moved on its own, as if Soojin didn’t live in there anymore. Her unconscious even got its words out, but Soojin didn’t.</p><p>What her unconscious did, asked for Shuhua’s hand out of nowhere, was however something Soojin could stand by. Yes, she realised Shuhua’s confusion, and maybe uncomfort, but it was an important step for her, and her unconscious had just let her take it. So, when Shuhua asked-</p><p>“Yesterday... why did you hold my hand?” </p><p>-she knew exactly what her brain and heart wanted to say. And because of some magical reason, her mouth let her say it. With a couple of errors.</p><p>“Hui told me... he said that I couldn’t touch anyone, because that would-“ she started, her voice shaking just at the first word. “I just wanted to prove him wrong.”</p><p>Although her answer was vague and Soojin doubted Shuhua interpreted half of it, the younger still nodded. She wouldn’t look at Soojin, she hadn’t since she first saw her, but she nodded.</p><p>And after a couple of minutes of that burning silence, the younger spoke again.</p><p> “Do you think we should... talk... about stuff?” she asked, and Soojin could hear the uncertainty in her voice.</p><p>She was almost afraid to ask.</p><p>“W-What stuff?” she asked, cursing herself out because of the stutter.</p><p>“You know...” Shuhua took a deep breath. “Old stuff.” </p><p>Soojin bit her lower lip. She knew they would have to discuss it sooner or later, otherwise it would nag at them for the rest of their lives. And, Soojin had no idea and no intentions for their future but, if they were to get a deeper connection, then they would have to bring up the old stuff. </p><p>But Soojin also knew for a fact that she wasn’t anywhere near being ready. If was, her thoughts wouldn’t be eating her up as soon as she even began thinking about it. She was getting better, yes, but she was not there yet.</p><p>“Not yet.” she answered, this time louder than normal as she actually knew what she was doing.</p><p>“Oh, okay.” Shuhua nodded.</p><p>Soojin didn’t think Shuhua would react badly, but she still smiled when the younger didn’t. It seemed like she understood, or at least tried to. </p><p>To Shuhua, they were probably still standing on square one. But to Soojin, they’d taken a major step forward.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“Why do adults push themselves through this every year?” the youngest questioned with a sigh as she flapped down on her chair.</p><p>Her forehead was sweaty and her legs tired. She might even be exhausted.</p><p>“Shu, you’ve literally done nothing.” Yuqi deadpanned.</p><p>“I made the kimchi!” she argued.</p><p>“I made the kimchi.” Minnie chimed in. “You just put it on a plate.”</p><p>“Stop arguing with me! It’s Christmas!” Shuhua brought up her hands as defence.</p><p>They’d probably used the ‘it’s Christmas’ defence about a hundred times already. But it worked, so who would complain.</p><p>The volume in the room was crazily loud all throughout kitchen. Soojin wasn’t sure she’d completely followed a single conversation. Everyone also seemed to talk about different stuff. Yuqi could ask something about one subject and Soyeon would answer with an entirely different subject. She felt like they all where elders trying to have a tea party, as everyone was screaming ‘what’ over and over again.</p><p>Christmas at her house was never like this when she grew up. It was always the entire family invited, proper dresses and hair doings, and sophisticated conversations. The only good part about the parties back then was that Miyeon was there.</p><p>In this room, everyone was dressed in their sweats, un-showered and sweaty. Their hair was unwashed (because they didn’t have warm water, but that’s beside the point) and there was no hair clip or diadem in sight. Soojin preferred this kind of Christmas.</p><p>When the girls were full enough so that their stomachs could burst, Yuqi declared far too loudly that it was time for presents.</p><p>Soojin hadn’t been able to her hers for the others, but Soyeon promised she would take care of it, as long as Soojin gave her a list of what to get. The problem with that was that Soojin had been gone for years, and she had no idea what the girls would like. But as everyone was ripping up their presents, it seemed like the dancer wasn’t too far off. Shuhua even gave her a tiny smile to thank for the puppy-sized clothes she got them. </p><p>Yuqi complained right away when she saw three gifts being given to Shuhua by the oldest, while she only got one.</p><p>“They’re a set.” Miyeon explained, but Yuqi still pouted.</p><p>However, when the chinese opened her present wrapped in pink paper, and saw the giraffe-sheets, she couldn’t care less of what Shuhua was getting.</p><p>And then Soyeon got her a heart necklace, to wipe away her pout even more.</p><p>Shuhua and Yuqi made throwing up noises while the oldest two exchanged their gifts. Minnie held her purple hoodie close, and Miyeon had put her blue hat on her head, as their lips met in a long kiss.</p><p>“Stop it before I puke.” Shuhua complained and pulled them apart.</p><p>Yuqi managed to catch when her girlfriend gave her gift to Soojin. She couldn’t make out what it was, but the older looked like she would start crying. Something small and blue was placed in her hand, and she harshly closed her fist around it.</p><p>Then, the two buried themselves in each other’s arms. Soyeon even whispered something into Soojin’s ear, that the older nodded to.</p><p>The younger wanted to walk up to them and pull them apart, but she managed to stop herself in time. </p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Shuhua and Yuqi were facetiming with their parents, showing off the food that was left after dinner. Soojin noticed how something was off with the both of them. They didn’t seem nearly as bubbly as they usually were, and their voices were a lot quieter. Maybe they were homesick.</p><p>The older diverted her eyes back to the window. It was dark, the trees only added to it. The only thing that was shining was the thick layer of white snow on the ground. It looked peaceful. So peaceful that Soojin wondered how much was hidden beneath the white.</p><p>Yejin loved the snow. She loved looking out her window to see it falling, and holding out her arm to feel it on her skin. Soojin always thought it was because Yejin couldn’t go out and play in the snow throughout her childhood. It made Soojin mad at herself, because she hated the snow. She never played in it. The dancer only complained when it got into her shoes, but other than that, she didn’t care about it. Today, and everyday onwards, would she love the snow, because Yejin did.</p><p>“Hey.” the songwriter showed up in the window. </p><p>Soojin nodded her way as a greeting, but didn’t pay much more attention to her. Soyeon sat down and stayed silent as the other continued traveling in her deep thoughts. The older subtly reached out her hand for the other without giving it much thought, and Soyeon grabbed it with a tiny smile.</p><p>Yuqi, who just had lowered her phone, noticed the exchange. She got a sour taste in her mouth immediately, and she probably would’ve broken her phone if Shuhua didn’t smoothly take it from her hand.</p><p>“Dude, your head’s gonna explode.” the younger whispered.</p><p>She’d noticed just how red the other one was getting. That had probably been the last straw for Yuqi. </p><p>When the chinese started walking towards the two, Shuhua knew she should stop her. But, she never did. And she didn’t know exactly why. Maybe it was because she felt a sour taste in her mouth too, but she would rather ignore that.</p><p>“Soyeon!” the chinese screamed at the top of her lungs.</p><p>Both girls in the window, and Shuhua would lie if she said she didn’t feel her heart threatening to burst. Even the dogs, that both were resting on the couch, perked up their head.</p><p>“Yeah?” Soyeon asked carefully as she stood up.</p><p>Yuqi quickly opened her mouth, and the girls were expecting another growl, but nothing came. Truth is, the chinese had no idea what she wanted to say. Well, she knew she wanted to scream at Soyeon for being so stupid and for not seeing what Yuqi wanted. She wanted to make sure the other felt bad for ignoring her. But she didn’t actually want to say any of that. She wanted Soyeon to figure out on her own. So why she chose to go scream at her, was a mystery that would forever stay unsolved.</p><p>“What?” the older frowned.</p><p>Yuqi bit down her jaw and sighed before deciding to leave it be, as she had nothing to do there anyways. She turned around, but a firm hand grabbing her arm quickly stopped her.</p><p>“You’re not gonna do that.” the older one in the couple said sternly.</p><p>The younger sighed again. She let her shoulders fall as she turned back around. Soyeon let go of her and crossed her arms instead.</p><p>“Is this about that possessiveness thing?” the songwriter asked, almost scoffing as she did so because she thought it was such a stupid fight.</p><p>“No.” Yuqi said between her lips.</p><p>Soyeon was going to change her demeanour, to be a little more approachable. Right now she probably looked like she could rip someone’s throat out any second, and that wasn’t the best way to go about when solving a fight. Especially not with someone as sensitive as her girlfriend. She was going to, but that was before Yuqi spoke again.</p><p>“You do realise you used to be like that, right?” she asked in the saltiest way she could. “And I liked it. It’s a part of the reason why I fell for you so hard.”</p><p>Soyeon huffed.</p><p>“What, so you’re mad at me because I won’t beat up everyone who stares at you?”</p><p>“That is not what I said!” Yuqi frowned. “I’m just saying, you’re different now from how you were back then.”</p><p>Shuhua had seated down at the back of the couch, and noticed the oldest two carefully sneaking into the room. They came unnoticed to the arguing couple.</p><p>“Well, of course I am.” Soyeon said with a shrug. “That wasn’t really me. You know I had...” she paused as she tried to think of a fitting word, “... troubles back then. I just wanted something for myself.”</p><p>“So you just let me fall in love with you so that you would have something for yourself?” the younger rolled her eyes while shaking her head.</p><p>“No-“</p><p>“Don’t answer.” she shook her head. “It doesn’t matter because that isn’t even what this is about!”</p><p>Soyeon had to pause for a second to regain her posture. If Yuqi was anyone else, Soyeon would for sure have beaten her up by now. But, the producer never punched people she likes, and Yuqi happened to be one of those. No matter how much Soyeon wished she wasn’t right now.</p><p>“What is it about?” she asked after a deep breath. “Please just tell me what’s going on.”</p><p>Yuqi looked to her side, where Shuhua looked right back at her.</p><p>“Tell her.” the taiwanese said.</p><p>Soyeon tried her best to smile through her agitation, and even calmly placed her hand on Yuqi’s shoulder to encourage her. But the younger bit her lower lip and shook her head.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” </p><p>“Of course it matters if it’s affecting you this much.” the older tried to reason, still having to control her temper.</p><p>The younger shook her head. This time, Soyeon rolled her eyes, but she wouldn’t hold herself back. She was too annoyed even to try, and Yuqi felt it coming.</p><p>“Tell me what the fuck is going on!” she growled. “I’m not gonna let you - I don’t know - do stuff behind my back and then not tell me! We’re in a relationship, in case you’ve forgotten! We’re supposed to communicate and stuff!”</p><p>“You’re such a hypocrite!” Yuqi growled back. “You say we have to talk but then you never tell me anything! I’m the victim here, not you!”</p><p>“I tell you literally everything!”</p><p>“Really?” the younger let out a loud huff. “How come I have absolutely no idea of what your childhood was like? Of what made you... this?”</p><p>Yuqi motioned up and down for Soyeon, and to say the older got offended was an understatement. But the worst was yet to come.</p><p>“How come she’s the the one who gets to know everything about you, when I’m the one who’s been there for you everyday, while she didn’t even bother to pick up the phone?”</p><p>Soyeon mouth fell at Yuqi’s words. And she could feel Soojin shifting uncomfortably, which only made her madder.</p><p>“No, you are not allowed to talk about her like that!” the older took several steps closer to the younger, causing her to back away. “You don’t have a fucking clue what she’s been through!”</p><p>“Because you all refuse to tell me!” Yuqi pointed around the room. “How am I supposed to know if no one tells me?”</p><p>“Maybe the fact that she has bruises all over should ring some kind of bell?”</p><p>“Soyeon...” the girl in question decided to step up, but when her arm reached for Soyeon’s shoulder, the other girl just shoved it away. “God, you’re so fucking fucking stupid! You must’ve lost a whole lot of braincells those years.”</p><p>Shuhua felt a burn in her chest, and when she looked over at Yuqi, she noticed the girl’s lower lip shivering. She couldn’t stay silent any longer.</p><p>“Do you realise what you just said?” the youngest stepped between the two, mostly to hide Yuqi’s tears. “Do you realise how disrespectful that was?”</p><p>“Not more than she just said about Soojin.” the older scoffed.</p><p>Miyeon and Minnie looked between each other and the four girls by the window. They watched as Yuqi perked up over Shuhua’s shoulder to scream at Soyeon, how Shuhua grew more and more red with every second, how Soyeon screamed back at the both of them, and how Soojin time and time again tried to pull Soyeon back. If there were any neighbours around, they would’ve thought an earthquake was happening. When Soyeon’s fist flew up in the air, that’s when the oldest two got a wake up call and decided to interfere.</p><p>Just before the quick hand had met Shuhua’s face, Minnie had managed to grab the arm it belonged to, and harshly pushed them both away.</p><p>“Everyone shut the fuck up!” the older let out in that voice she hadn’t used since high school. </p><p>It got everyone silent immediately. They all lowered their heads, and the two youngest even apologised quietly.</p><p>“You’re all acting like kids right now.” Minnie scolded and let go of the girl she was holding.</p><p>“I think we’ve heard much enough to know that none of you two-“ Miyeon pointed at Soojin and Shuhua, “are involved in this. Let them solve it on their own.”</p><p>Miyeon almost felt like laughing as she had to solve a fight between twenty-years-old women as if they were kids at the school she worked at. </p><p>“And you two,” the oldest shifted the scolding to the couple, “go solve it on your own! You’re adults, for god’s sake.”</p><p>The girls had rosy cheeks, and weren’t even able to look the other two in their eyes.</p><p>Miyeon scoffed, but didn’t say another word before leaving.</p><p>“What a way to end Christmas.” Minnie muttered, before following her girlfriend.</p><p>The younger four were left dumbfounded, but it didn’t take long for Shuhua and Yuqi to retrieve to their shared bedroom.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The second Miyeon laid down on their bed, Minnie was all over her. She wrapped her arms around her, buried her head in her neck and kneaded whatever part of Miyeon’s body she could access.</p><p>Miyeon, startled, let out a laugh.</p><p>“How the hell are you in the mood after that fight?” she asked, brushing her hand along Minnie’s hair.</p><p>“It’s not my fault you look so sexy when you’re screaming.” the thai murmured against the other’s skin.</p><p>The younger realised pretty quickly though, that Miyeon wasn’t feeling any of those feelings she was having. So, with a last kiss on her skin, Minnie laid down beside her and put her arms around the older. Miyeon placed her head on the other’s chest, and sighed several times in the span of a minute.</p><p>“I think we’re the only sane ones in this house.” the older said with yet another sigh.</p><p>Minnie laughed a little.</p><p>“Normally, I would argue with that. But not tonight.” she said and kissed the top of Miyeon’s head.</p><p>The older stayed silent for several minutes, so Minnie realised it was time to sleep, and turned off the lamp on the nightstand. Just as she did, however, Miyeon spoke again, now out to the dark room.</p><p>“Minnie?” she called quietly.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>The korean waited for another couple of minutes.</p><p>“How are you?” </p><p>Minnie, as surprised as she was, had to ask if she really heard what she thought she’d heard.</p><p>“What do you mean?” she asked.</p><p>And Miyeon sighed again.</p><p>“The other girls are obviously not so okay, and whenever one of us feels like that, all of us do.” she explained, and Minnie nodded. “So, how are you?” </p><p>The younger pulled the other closer.</p><p>“I’m... a bit stressed.” she answered. “With everything, really.” </p><p>Miyeon nodded, and was about to say something, but Minnie beat her to it.</p><p>“And I’m worried that my past is gonna come back to haunt soon.”</p><p>The korean lifted her head up to look Minnie in her eyes. She turned around, to lay down on her stomach, and started playing with the younger’s baby hairs.</p><p>“I’m worried about that too.” she said.</p><p>“Are you?” Minnie furrowed her eyebrows.</p><p>“Of course.” Miyeon nodded.</p><p>The younger paused, and the korean could see in her eyes that she was considering something. She let Minnie take her time, as she continued playing with the hair.</p><p>“Miyeon, I have to tell you something.” the older tilted her head to the side, and nodded as an encouragement. “I’ve been seeing my father lately... at the cafe.”</p><p>The older’s mouth fell, a frown growing on her face as she slowly lifted her head up.</p><p>“I didn’t want to tell you because you’re already so busy with your work and with Soojin. I didn’t want to add to the stress.” she explained, but already closed her eyes because she knew what was coming.</p><p>“You can’t do that.” Miyeon complained, lightly punching her chest over and over.</p><p>“I know, I know.” Minnie said. “I’m so sorry for keeping it from you.”</p><p>The older sighed, and the younger reached out to brush her hand over her cheek. Miyeon smiled lightly, but then turned around to lay against Minnie’s chest again.</p><p>“Let’s talk about this tomorrow, when I don’t wanna destroy something.” she said.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Minnie repeated.</p><p>They landed in a comfortable silence. Miyeon felt her eyelids being heavier than they ever had before, and her breathing got heavy within seconds.</p><p>“Miyeon?” the other whispered.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“There is absolutely no one I love more than I love you.” she said, before pressing a kiss at the crown of Miyeon’s head.</p><p>“I didn’t doubt it.” the older answered, almost coherently as she was too tired to articulate her words.</p><p>“Merry Christmas, Miyeonie.” Minnie said with a wide smile, but the older had already drifted off to sleep.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>What do you think Soyeon’s present to Soojin was?</p><p>i’m aware i’m not the best at writing fights, but i hope it was readable at least.<br/>i tried to look up specific information about how christmas is celebrated in korea, but i couldn’t find anything good. that’s why i left it really vague.</p><p>also, happy miyeon day!❤️</p><p> </p><p>twitter: elisaisnotokay (i’m ia at the moment but i still update about the au)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The vision seriously intends to stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i am so sorry for the long wait! i know i said the chapter would be up on friday, but i was just too busy. i am so sorry. i hope this eventful chapter can make up for it. the next chapter will be up on friday, i think. depends a little on what my teachers decides to give me this week, but i’ll try my best.</p><p>WARNINGS: disease, mention of death, physical abuse, homophobia.</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>The ride back to Seoul was awkward, to say the least. Suddenly, it was better to seat Soojin and Shuhua beside each other. No one knew what would happen if Soyeon and Yuqi sat beside each other for hours, since they still hadn’t made up yet.</p><p>Both girls had their eyes out the window. Soeyon occasionally went to look at Yuqi, and saw the way she frowned. The older girl had no idea why her girlfriend was behaving like this. Usually when they fought, it would be over and back to normal in less than an hour. But their fights never were this severe.</p><p>Shuhua swallowed hard as her leg time and time again brushed against Soojin. Their arms were also touching, and the rest of their one side. When the younger looked to her side, she saw Soojin bearing a tiny smile, with her eyes stuck on a point of front of her.</p><p>In the front seat, the oldest girls casually made conversation. It wasn’t nearly as loud in the car as it was on the way there, so the two kept their voices low not to disturb anyone. No one in the backseat seemed like they wanted to hold a conversation, anyways.</p><p>“I don’t think you should go back there.” the older said, tightening her hands around the wheel.</p><p>“To work?” Minnie asked and looked over at her. “Miyeon, you know I have to.”</p><p>“You could take some more days off, and go back when we can focus on that.”</p><p>The took a deep breath. It did sound nice. She wouldn’t have to be terrified, and she would get to spend more time with Miyeon and her friends. But she knew it only was wishful thinking.</p><p>“You know I can’t.” she said. “We’ve just been Christmas shopping and rented a house. Plus, we’ve got two dogs now. We need the money.”</p><p>The older sighed loudly. Her head turned to Minnie for a millisecond, but the younger was able to catch the worry in her eyes. Minnie brought her hand to Miyeon’s leg to soothe her, and lightly brushed her fingers over the body part.</p><p>“It’s okay, Miyeonie.” she said quietly. “I’ll be fine.”</p><p>The older’s frown grew bigger.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“I’m sure.” Minnie reassured.</p><p>By the time they got back to the house, Shuhua’s head had managed to fall down on Soojin’s shoulder. It wasn’t intentional, of course. The youngest simply fell asleep and her head found its way there. Maybe it was her unconsciousness speaking, or maybe not. Either way, Soojin made no effort to move it away from her.</p><p>But when the youngest woke up to the doors opening, she quickly realised where her head was, and got herself up and out of the car as quickly as she could.</p><p>Soojin walked close behind her, and when Shuhua looked back at her, she caught that same kind of smile that the girl had earlier in the car. Maybe Soojin finally was coming back.</p><p>“Why the fuck are you here?” Shuhua heard Soyeon growl loudly.</p><p>“Soyeon!” the chinese screamed, before a loud thud could be heard.</p><p>The four girls who were behind hurried down the corridor of the apartment building, and Soojin stopped the second she saw the man getting up from the floor.</p><p>Shuhua stopped as well. She took a step closer to the other, as if her aura i some way could hide her. At least she could wish for it.</p><p>The oldest two continued down the hall, watching had Yuqi held Soyeon in a tight grip to prevent her from punching the man again. The songwriter looked like a crazy animal, fighting to get out of the hold to exterminate her enemy. The captor looked just as animalistic as she swayed back and forth with the other.</p><p>“Ah.” the man exclaimed and touched his arm. “Out of everything, I cannot say I missed your knuckles.”</p><p>Yuqi looked at his face. He had a wide grin on it, as if the girls were people he could just persuade with his charms. With a clean shaved chin and perfectly made hair, i straightened his posture, and gave Yuqi a nod.</p><p>“I see you’ve recovered.” Hui said.</p><p>If the chinese didn’t know him, she’d think he was sincere. The man had become a really good actor over the years, she could give him that.</p><p>“I was worried when I stopped seeing you around town,” he reached his hand forwards to touch Yuqi’s bobbed hair, “but it seems like you’re doing just great.”</p><p>The younger dodged his hand, while Soyeon hissed at him. But the songwriter had stilled down, so Yuqi let go of her. Or maybe she just didn’t care how much Soyeon destroyed the man.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be here.” the oldest out of the girls scolded, now having walked up to the three.</p><p>Hui kept his smile as he turned towards Miyeon, and Minnie who was close behind her fiancée. </p><p>“Miyeon!” he said loudly, and held out his arms. “It’s been such a long time!”</p><p>He started taking steps towards her, to which the oldest backed away immediately. In the midst of it, Minnie grabbed her lower arm and pulled her closer.</p><p>“Don’t touch me.” Miyeon said as calmly as she could. </p><p>Hui heightened his eyebrows and put up his arms as a defence.</p><p>“Geez.” he let out. “I was tryna greet my future cousin in law.”</p><p>“You should leave.” the thai said, mostly to take his attention away from the love of her life.</p><p>He chuckled as he took a few steps back.</p><p>“See,” he started and rubbed the back of his neck with his left arm. “I was planning on making a quick visit, just to take back what’s mine, you know. But no one seemed to be home. Until now, that is.”</p><p>“She doesn’t belong to you.” Soyeon hissed, gaining his attention again.</p><p>Hui’s smug smile moved back to her direction. His feet made a turn, and he was soon right in front of her face. She could feel his warm, minty breath on her skin, as he looked down at her.</p><p>If Soyeon didn’t completely despise Hui in high school, then she definitely did now. With valid reasons, too. </p><p>“Do you still think she’s yours, is that it?” he asked quietly. </p><p>Soyeon thought she was the only one who’d heard him. She bit her jaw harshly, and felt a small hand on her arm, as to keep her from attacking him again.</p><p>“Or are you just so desperate to have her, that you’ve convinced yourself?” he asked just as quietly. “I imagine you often, Soyeon. You didn’t know that, did you? You’re on my mind quite often. Some would think I have an obsession with you.”</p><p>The songwriter felt Yuqi’s hand squeeze her tighter, but she knew it wasn’t for her own sake this time. </p><p>“Think I want to have you all for myself. Pleasure you, as you moan loudly. Would you like that?”</p><p>His eyes had narrowed, mirroring Soyeon’s. The man then let out a chuckle.</p><p>“Sorry, I must’ve forgotten.” the brown orbs in his sockets moved to her side.</p><p>Yuqi felt his eyes roam up and down her body, before winking as he looked into her eyes.</p><p>“You must be quite busy with this one already.” as he spoke, Soyeon felt Yuqi’s grip tighten even more. “I wouldn’t want to disturb whatever you two have going on. And, you know, I wouldn’t want to touch people like you either. I’m sure you understand.”</p><p>“What do you want?” Miyeon questioned, although the answer was as clear as glass.</p><p>“Oh, I think your little brain can figure that out for itself.” he smirked.</p><p>Neither Soojin nor Shuhua had moved a single step. They could barely hear what was being said down the hall, which Shuhua figured was for the better.</p><p>Although Soojin was a fair bit behind her, the younger still heard her breaths. If she focused enough, she could even hear the older girl’s heartbeats.</p><p>Hui’s back was turned towards them, and Shuhua wished he hadn’t noticed them. I’d he had, he’d given them no attention whatsoever. Knowing him, the first option was more likely.</p><p>The younger turned around, just to make sure Soojin hadn’t fainted or something alike, and she was relieved when the girl stood as still as she had before. Shuhua noticed how her lip was shaking, and her jaw bit tightly. </p><p>Then, the older’s eyes moved to look the younger. Shuhua, for the first time in years, got a small, the tiniest insight into Soojin’s feelings. And she was completely terrified. Shuhua swore to herself right there and then, that she would do whatever it took to make sure she wouldn’t have to see those eyes ever again.</p><p>Their moment only lasted for a faint second, as a thud and a scream filled the hall. Both girls looked back, and the first Shuhua saw was Soyeon waving her arm in the air, as Hui formed a fist on his side. Yuqi was on the ground, still regaining her senses.</p><p>Shuhua’s first instinct was to run and help her, but then she remembered Soojin. But she still watched closely, and saw how Yuqi scooted further away from them, to let Soyeon handle the physical situation. </p><p>Hui’s fist met Soyeon’s cheek, causing the girl to wince as her head was forced to the side. Minnie soon got into the fight as well, but not after having shook her head. She punched his stomach, and he soon answered her by kicking her thigh.</p><p>Horrible noises were heard from Shuhua and Soojin’s place. They watched as Yuqi looked up at them, seeming to be scared out of her mind. Miyeon tried time and time again to pull her friends back, but failed. Minnie and Soyeon were mostly being beaten up, but they got a few hits which caused him to let out the hurting noises.</p><p>Soojin, who’d been glued by her feet for far too long now, took a few steps forward, but wasn’t able to go much further. Without turning around, she stopped as Shuhua held her arm.</p><p>“Soojin,” the younger spoke with a breathy voice, “please don’t go. Not this time.”</p><p>The older squeezed her eyes shut at the girl’s words. Before her eyes flashed every time she’d left the girl before, and she felt her heart scream at her not to do it again. But she had to.</p><p>Shuhua’s face lit up with hope as Soojin turned around, only to be ruined a second later, as the older pulled her arm out of Shuhua’s hold. However, she kept the hand in her own, and squeezed it tightly. </p><p>They stood there, just looking at each other, forgetting the scene behind them. Shuhua was sure she would start crying any second, and it wouldn’t surprise her if Soojin did too. The older’s lips formed into the tiniest smile.</p><p>“Trust me.” she said, before squeezing Shuhua’s hand, and then letting it go.</p><p>Soojin gave her one last glance, a smiling one at that, before turning around. Her feet hurried down the corridor, until she was right by them. </p><p>Miyeon’s eyes met hers, and she knew the girl was about to stop her, but Soojin didn’t listen.</p><p>“Hui!” she called loudly, immediately gaining his, and everyone else’s attention.</p><p>The man turned around, and Soojin’s eyes immediately landed on the wounds on his face. He had one bleeding on his forehead, and several red turning purple marks all around his chin. Her eyes then drifted to the other two, who surprisingly didn’t look much worse than he did. She couldn’t let her eyes stay on them for too long though, so she couldn’t really study them.</p><p>“I’ve missed you.” she said as her eyes moved back to him.</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>Hiding just how much her hand was shaking, she brought it up to his cheek, and brought his lips down to her own. As he put his hands on her waist, she opened her eyes and saw the confused faces of the girls. Just by moving the ball in her socket, she tried to signal for them. What exactly she said, she didn’t even know herself, but the girls huddled up together, protective arms around each other, so Soojin figured she got some kind of pint across.</p><p>The female dancer pulled away from the man, and tried to use her most sincere smile at him. He smiled back. </p><p>“Should we go home?” she asked, and he only nodded.</p><p>“Soo-“ her cousin tried to reach out for her as she said, but Soojin just shook her head.</p><p>She managed to catch Shuhua’s eyes for a short moment, and tried to tell her again what she said before. Even though she could use nothing else than her eyes, Shuhua replied with a nod. And when Miyeon reached out for a second time, Shuhua pulled her arm back.</p><p>Soojin and Hui soon disappeared down the hall, and Shuhua could do nothing else than just what the older girl had told her. She could only trust that she’d be okay. Trust that she’d come back.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Miyeon was in the middle of a call with Kwan, walking back and forth through the room with furrowed eyebrows. Minnie patted her whenever she got within reach. </p><p>Shuhua sat on the couch beside the thai, quiet as she tried to listen to the lawyer on the other end. Soyeon’s head was resting on Yuqi’s shoulder. She was still tired from the range she was on earlier.</p><p>They were all waiting for Kwan’s instructions. This wasn’t a part of his job. He wasn’t supposed to help with stuff like these, but he told them this was a special situation and that he would hate himself if he didn’t try to help. Therefore, he was studying every note he’d ever taken as he tried to calm his ex-fiancée down, to no avail.</p><p>Soyeon winced as she touched the bruise on her cheek. Minnie eyed her, and let out a quiet chuckle.</p><p>“Kinda feels like back in high school.” she said, as she too brushed her fingers over her wounds, trying to lighten up the situation.</p><p>Suddenly, another phone started buzzing. Yuqi quickly realised that it was her own, as the vibrations came from between her and Soyeon. She brought it up, and was relieved her girlfriend hadn’t managed to peek as she saw the caller ID.</p><p>The chinese stood up quickly, confusing the girls on the couch. She started the call before she’d gotten out of the apartment. Behind her, she closed the door.</p><p>“How are you today, Yuqi?” the person on the other end asked.</p><p>“I’m okay.” she said. “A bit tired, but nothing worse.”</p><p>”That is entirely normal.” the voice said calmly. “Well, I’m not going to drag on more.”</p><p>Yuqi thanked the doctor silently.</p><p>“As you probably have suspected, you do have an increase of your white blood cells.”</p><p>The girl wasn’t surprised, but it still felt like a ship just crashed into her.</p><p>“We will need to take more tests to be sure, but I do suspect that you have acute myeloid leukaemia.” he breathed slowly and seemed to write something on a keyboard. “Patients are usually treated with chemotherapy, but I see here that you already have gone through it twice. I am sure you know what this means, as you are diagnosed with chronic granulomatous disease as well.”</p><p>Yes. Yuqi knew.</p><p>She had two choices. One was to go through chemotherapy for the third time, suffer through all the medications, the exhaustion, the hair loss, the nausea and everything else that came with it. Loose at least two more years of her already shortened life, when her chance of surviving it only was at fifty percent. <br/>The second choice was to ignore all of it. No treatment. But no treatment meant that she would pass for sure. </p><p>“How much time do I have if I choose not to...” she asked quietly, although she was quite sure of the answer.</p><p>“Patients can survive with it between a few months up to ten years, but with your condition... it’s a few months at most.”</p><p>“How many?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you for certain but... maybe three? Four?”</p><p>Although the doctor couldn’t see her, Yuqi nodded slowly. A little too much was going through her right now, and she didn’t know how to react to any of it. She felt a burning feeling building up in her eyes, and she had to close her eyes so that her tears wouldn’t start spilling.</p><p>Yuqi had been expecting this since she first found out about the bruises. She’d prepared for this since she first learnt about her condition. Surprise was nowhere on the map.</p><p>Her parents used to sit down with her and tell her everything that happened medically into every detail. When her sister entered the picture, they listened to those stuff together. Shuhua always listened as if she would have a test on it the next day, while Yuqi couldn’t care less. It that way, they’d both been prepared for it. Although it wasn’t easy in any way, Yuqi knew that she would pass away way before Shuhua would, and Shuhua knew that she would have to see her friend go while they still were growing up. It was all planned and prepared, every little detail of it. </p><p>What hadn’t been in the original plan, was Miyeon, Minnie, Soojin and most specifically Soyeon. Yuqi hadn’t expected she would have to pass away from the closest friends she could imagine, one of them even being her girlfriend. She wasn’t prepared to leave any of the four, and she knew they much less were prepared to watch her leave.</p><p>“I understand that these are devastating news.” the man spoke again. “I will let you be, but we do have to plan your next visit as quickly as possible.”</p><p>Yuqi bit the inside of her cheek to get back to reality.</p><p>“Yes.” she said, her voice shakier than she’d intended. “I have time tomorrow.”</p><p>“Tomorrow...” the other muttered. “Yes, tomorrow works. Tomorrow at three.”</p><p>“Great.” she put on her cheerful attitude again. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Have a nice night, Yuqi.”</p><p>“You too.”</p><p>She clicked away from the call and sighed instantly. How was she supposed to face the others now? Right after being told she would die in a few months?</p><p>Her back met the wall in a hard thud, and she sighed another few times. Yuqi did her best to calm down, but it was much harder now than it ever had been before.</p><p>“Woogi...” a quiet voice said suddenly, and Yuqi cussed in her head. “Who was that?”</p><p>The younger girl opened her eyes, to see Soyeon standing at the door with curious eyes. Yuqi plastered a smile on her face, and shoved her phone into her pocket.</p><p>“Oh,” she exclaimed and walked towards Soyeon, who moved to the side to let Yuqi in, “just a friend.”</p><p>Yuqi would’ve noticed the frown on Soyeon’s face if her eyes weren’t turned away from her.</p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>Soojin had, in some incredible but dangerous way, forgotten just how bad it hurt when the hard slap met her skin. And right now, she could feel her skin getting bruised. Heat was coming for all the body part he had abused, and she felt it forming into blue marks that would stay for a couple of days.</p><p>She was sitting in the bath, the only way she could stay locked away from him. The water was already cold and her body was shaking. She even saw red liquid floating around her, and she wondered what wound that blood was coming from. The water made her body sting badly, as if she had burns all over her.</p><p>Outside the door, she heard Hui walking back and forth. She figured he was checking on her, making sure she didn’t do anything bad. He called for her from time to time, and continued doing so until she answered him.</p><p>Although her body hurt more than it ever had before, she knew it could’ve been so much worse if she hadn’t listened to what her brain told her.</p><p>Had she not came with him willingly, he wouldn’t trust her ever more, and he wouldn’t let his eyes leave her for even the tiniest moment. He would’ve pulled her away from the girls, no matter how much strength he would’ve used. There was no chance he would give up and leave her there. So the better choice was to come with him. That did not mean in any way that she’d given up.</p><p>Soojin knew she would make it out of there again, with it without the girls’ help. She was going to reunite with them very soon, and never leave them again. </p><p>*<br/>*<br/>*</p><p>The four younger were placed on the couch, petting the dogs to keep their calm. No one said anything. No one had said anything. </p><p>After the phone call, Miyeon hid away in her bedroom. No one had followed her, as they realised she walked away to be alone.</p><p>The others were left behind in an awkward silence.</p><p>“Screw this.” Soyeon said suddenly. “We’re just gonna sit around and let him abuse her even more? No, I’m going after her.”</p><p>The songwriter stood up, but was quickly pulled back down by her girlfriend. Soyeon winced as Yuqi grabbed her on one of her bruises, and the younger quietly apologised.</p><p>“Kwan told us doing something only would make it worse.” Yuqi reminded.</p><p>Soyeon fell back on the couch as she crossed her arms. She cursed to herself several times, before her girlfriend started playing with her hair to calm her down.</p><p>“Before breaking up the fight,” Shuhua started, “Soojin told me to trust her.”</p><p>The girls didn’t need more explanation than that, as all of them nodded. Another awkward silence filled the room, until they heard a loud noise from the other room.</p><p>All eyes diverted to Minnie, who got up from her seat on the couch and hurried towards the room.</p><p>“Miyeonie?” the younger asked together with a light knock on the door. “Are you okay?”</p><p>When the older girl didn’t answer her, Minnie pulled down the door handle. She was able to imagine the worst in that millisecond, until she saw Miyeon on the bed.</p><p>The girl, however, had a red face as she gasped for air. Her chest moved up and down in a quick rhythm, as her hands held tightly to the mattress to keep her steady. Miyeon’s eyes moved up to look at Minnie pleadingly, and the younger immediately moved to her.</p><p>“Hey, hey...” the younger said, wide-eyed. “It’s okay. Breathe with me, okay?”</p><p>Minnie placed a hand on her shoulder, before taking deep breaths in and out and making the other follow them. Miyeon used all her power to mimic the other, while Minnie nodded at her as encouragement.</p><p>“That’s right. Good.” the younger said. </p><p>Miyeon was able to breath as close to normally as she could, before her eyes started burning. She brought her arms out for the other, and the younger instantly noticed. Wrapping her arms around Miyeon, she let the girl bury her head in her neck.</p><p>“Everything will be fine.” Minnie soothed.</p><p>Her hand brushed over the older’s back as Miyeon continued shedding her tears on her.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>What is the biggest question you have about this au right now? (for example, “what is up with...” “what will happen with...” “why did...” etc)</p><p>today’s medical lecture: people who have gone through a bone marrow transplant (more specifically chemotherapy, which you have to go through when you’re doing a bone marrow transplant) are more likely to develop leukaemia.</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay (half ia, i check once of twice a day)<br/>curiouscat: https://curiouscat.qa/elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. If I could tell you I would let you know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! welcome back to a new chapter. this is the 5th last one. crazy, right? i’ve been working on this series since november... anyways, this is a really angsty one. but what else were you expecting?</p><p>WARNINGS: mention of abuse, mention of cheating, stabbing with knife, blood, homophobia.</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>If Soojin thought her body couldn’t hurt more last night, then this morning definitely proved her wrong. She hadn’t even opened her eyes before she felt the ache on her chest, her back, her legs. As she lifted up her arms to rub her hands over her eyes, she felt them burning as well. It had also started pounding on her cheek, feeling like her heart was sending all her blood up to that one spot.</p><p>A groan escaped her lips when she opened her eyes. It was too bright, and she had to get used to the sudden light for several minutes before she could fully open her eyes. </p><p>Hui was nowhere to be seen, but she’d already figured that when she didn’t feel his body against hers. The grey walls were empty of pictures, and several boxes were placed on the floor. Some of them were closed, and some of them filled halfway with clothes, books and other belongings. The girl didn’t have to think twice before she figured what was going on.</p><p>Keeping the cover to her chest, she walked over to one of them and grabbed her bathrobe. Soojin had barely swung it over her body, when the man entered the bedroom.</p><p>“Oh, you’re awake!” he exclaimed.</p><p>Hui walked up to her, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Soojin got the same chills she’d gotten for three years. Hui never noticed them, or he chose to stay oblivious to them.</p><p>He must’ve noticed how she was eyeing the boxes, as he spoke his next words.</p><p>“I figured we could need a little change.” he started. “My father offered to move me to his office in Daejeon. Wouldn’t it be nice moving more south?”</p><p>Hui lowered his lips to leave kisses on her neck. No matter how much she wanted to move away, she didn’t. Not because she was scared, like before. But because she was so close to getting out, and she didn’t want to risk it now.</p><p>“We could stop by the town on our way there. I haven’t met your mother in ages.” he said against her neck. “I would love to see her again.”</p><p>For being someone who constantly worked with people, Hui wasn’t the best at understanding them. If he was, he would’ve known how much Soojin’s mom eyed him. How she talked ill about him behind his back, and how she frowned as soon as he opened his mouth. Of course she always had a smile while doing it, but anyone could notice that it was fake. Anyone that wasn’t Hui.</p><p>“Oh!” he suddenly let out. “I’ve got something for you.”</p><p>Without even moving a centimetre, he reached for his pocket and pulled out something silvery and glimmering. Hui turned them to their right, where a big mirror was hung on the wall. Then, using both his hands, he displayed a necklace between his hands.</p><p>The sun shone on it and made it look like glitter. The jewellery had a diamond in the shape of a heart in the middle, and a few smaller stones beside it. </p><p>If she didn’t have so many negative feelings about the man holding it, then she maybe would’ve found it pretty.</p><p>“I knew you would like it.” he said before kissing her temple.</p><p>Like the real gentleman he was, because he was truly and gentlemen for sure, he put the neckless on her neck. His fingers touched as much skin they could reach, making Soojin shiver out of everything but comfort.</p><p>All the female dancer could see on her chest were the purple that slowly was turning yellow. Hui seemed to ignore that.</p><p>“I’m so happy you’re home.” he said, before lowering his lips into her neck again.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The youngest couple of the group still hadn’t talked about the fight they had. They hadn’t talked just the two of them since they had the fight. </p><p>Yesterday night, they stayed close together until the two youngest went home. Soyeon figured it was to control her, and not to actually be by her side. Therefore, the older girl made it her mission to make up with the other.</p><p>Since their usual bickering never escalated into fights, Soyeon wasn’t sure how to go about it. And Yuqi was always the first to apologise, as well. The songwriter had little to no experience about these kinds of situations.</p><p>After some talking with Minnie - who was stressing as she got ready for work but still made time for the young lover - Soyeon decided to go over and talk it out. After all, their situation started with kept secrets and uncertainties. What better way to solve it than talk about what they’ve kept hidden.</p><p>Therefore, she walked down the same college halls she’d been in at least a few times a week over the last years. She’d memorised the corridors and the turns, and even some of the people sitting inside the doors. Many of the students had memorised her too, or they recognised her face. Either way, she always received a few nods and smiles as she made it to her girlfriend. Today was no different.</p><p>After greeting a girl she’d smiled at several times before, she stopped her heels as she was right in front of the room. It wasn’t the fact that a door would slam into her face that made her stop, it was the voices coming from the inside.</p><p>“It’s time to tell Soyeon now, Yuqi.” the girl heard Shuhua’s voice say. “You can’t keep lying to her forever.”</p><p>Soyeon knew she should knock. She couldn’t stay outside and listen to a conversation she clearly wasn’t meant to be hearing, but something kept her from following her moral.</p><p>“I’m not lying to her.” the other mumbled, almost too quiet for Soyeon to be able to catch it. “I’m just not telling her.”</p><p>“Why? You already know you’re hurting your relationship.” Shuhua said between her teeth, and when Yuqi didn’t answer, she continued. “You can’t keep it from her forever. She’s gonna be devastated when she finds out.”</p><p>A new kind of pound founds its way into Soyeon’s chest. All the suspicions she’d had suddenly formed into a lump, one that would explode with just the smallest needle.</p><p>“I don’t want to loose her.” Yuqi said.</p><p>She sounded weak, as if she was ready to start bawling any second. No matter how much Soyeon wanted to barge in and hug her, wasn’t going to let it get to her.</p><p>“You will for sure, unless you tell her.” </p><p>Soyeon felt the needle getting closer and closer to the lump. She was not ready for it to burst. She wouldn’t ever be ready.</p><p>“She’s not gonna trust me ever again.”</p><p>Just before the pointy end met the lump, Soyeon turned her heels. She wasn’t able to hear the next words the girls said, and the needle stopped where it was, without having broken down her world.</p><p>But inside the doors, the argument continued.</p><p>“Yuqi, you’re sick!” the younger girl said, throwing her arms around her desperately. “You’re dying!”</p><p>The other girl sat cross-legged on her bed as she stared down on a pink bunny in her hands.</p><p>“You’re not telling me you’re considering not telling your girlfriend!” </p><p>Big tears started forming in Yuqi’s eyes. They slowly fell down her cheeks before she could stop them, her eyes burning red. Shuhua noticed, of course. She always noticed. It made her reconsider her way of going about it. Maybe she’d been a little too hard on a girl who only had a few months left.</p><p>“Hey.” the younger said, before making her way to the bed.</p><p>She sat down on the edge, and watched as Yuqi squeezed the bunny’s ears.</p><p>“I know this isn’t what we were prepared for.” Shuhua started. “I get that this is hard on you, so much harder than I even can imagine.”</p><p>The older slowly looked up with tearful eyes to Shuhua’s sincere ones.</p><p>“But I know that you know deep down there,” she pointed towards Yuqi’s heart, “that this is not you. The Yuqi I know wouldn’t keep something like this from her girlfriend. She wouldn’t pick a fight over telling the truth.”</p><p>The chinese girl’s head fell again.</p><p>“I know there’s something bigger bothering you, than just that you don’t want her to watch you weak.” Shuhua reached for her hand. “And stop squeezing Jumpy or you’ll choke her.”</p><p>Yuqi let out the smallest, saddest chuckle Shuhua had ever heard. She laid the bunny down on the bed, before she grabbed Shuhua’s offered hands. </p><p>“It’s just...” the younger started before shaking her head. “God, I’m so selfish.”</p><p>Shuhua chuckled.</p><p>“Sometimes.” she answered. “But I love that side of you as well so you might as well just tell me.”</p><p>Through her tears, Yuqi threw out her fist to Shuhua, who accepted it with a teasing grin.</p><p>“I really like Soyeon. Like, really really like her.” the older started. “And I know she likes me too. And we’ve had it so good together for three years. Well, you know all this, we’ve rubbed it in your face. Yes, there are a few stuff she could change. Like how she doesn’t talk to me unless I contact her first. But there are probably a hundred things she wanna change about me, too. We still belong together, you know?”</p><p>Shuhua gave her a reassuring nod.</p><p>“But lately, I’ve started getting unsure. Not of my feelings. God, I adore her. But about her feelings. We we’re being so good, until Soojin came back. And now, my girlfriend won’t barely look at me.”</p><p>Shuhua wasn’t surprised at all. She’d noticed Yuqi’s discomfort since Soojin had returned. And well, it made her uncomfortable too. Soyeon being that way, that close, with someone while completely ignoring her girlfriend. But Shuhua knew she had her motives. Yes, she would always be on Yuqi’s in every argument. And she still believed Soyeon was wrong. But, Soojin had just come back from years of abuse and Soyeon was the only one who could help her back on her feet. </p><p>“I don’t want her to replace me.” Yuqi’s tears started falling wildly again. “You know, when I die. Or before.”</p><p>Shuhua moved further back on the bed to allow her sister to cry on her shoulder, which the older did immediately.</p><p>“And that’s so selfish because she will live without me for so much longer than she’s lived with me.”</p><p>The chinese completely broke down. Her arms went to trap Shuhua in a tight hold, as her face completely buried itself in the younger’s neck.</p><p>“You’re allowed to be selfish, Woogs.” the younger reassured. “Do you remember over six years ago, on our first week in high school?”</p><p>Yuqi nodded.</p><p>“Do you remember how much Soyeon chased after you?”</p><p>Yuqi nodded again, with a faint smile.</p><p>“And do you remember our first sleepover? We were all so drunk we could barely talk. Well, all except Miyeon and Minnie.”</p><p>The older chuckled.</p><p>“They told me, years afterwards, about a kiss that happened that night. Apparently, Soyeon had been trying to kiss you for hours. You said she had to prove to you that she was worth it. Do you want to know what she did?”</p><p>A nod escaped the other girl.</p><p>“She started writing you a song. Minnie still has the note. The letters are all bent and weird, it’s barely readable. And she could only write a few lines before you attacked her.”</p><p>“What did she write?”</p><p>Shuhua smiled. She cleared her throat and straightened her back. The text was still clear in her mind. Back then, it was probably the only thing that kept Shuhua from hiding Yuqi away from Soyeon.</p><p>“Please give me your love.” the younger started in a quiet tone. “No matter how much I receive, it's not enough. I like you. I seem to like you this much.”</p><p>The older girl had a stupid grin on her face.</p><p>“And that’s how far she came until you kissed her. I don’t think you wanna know how Miyeon and Minnie described it.”</p><p>Shuhua realised that Yuqi hadn’t heard a single one of her words. She was off in her happy-land filled with pink clouds and red hearts. Shuhua was going to let her stay there, even if they still had an open argument.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>Every day at work felt like an minefield for Minnie, and she was stuck in the middle. One step in the wrong direction, and she was gone. Quite literally.</p><p>She was extra attentive now than ever before. Every time that bell over the door made a sound, her head immediately went to the door to eye the new customers. It was usually an older couple or a mom in rush, and occasionally a student from the university nearby.</p><p>Minnie could breathe out every time, as it want who she thought it would be. She’d started seeing her father in her dreams. His face seemed to be engraved in her brain. Maybe it always had been, she just hadn’t had to think of him before. Now he was always circling in her thoughts.</p><p>That’s why she wasn’t surprised when she saw his face again, right in front of her. She’d made it a routine. Blink, look away, look back, he’s gone. Minnie did just that. She looked over at her colleague, Nia, who was brewing some coffee, before she looked back at the man in front of her. The only thing was, his face hadn’t changed. No matter how many time she blinked, it didn’t disappear.</p><p>The thai felt like she had a ball stuck in her belly, pushing at her organs. </p><p>“What can I get you?” she asked, but she couldn’t hide how her voice shook.</p><p>The man had a smirk on his face.</p><p>“It’s nice to see you again, Nicha.” he said in a low voice. “I’ve realised you haven’t worked in a couple of days.”</p><p>She couldn’t look up at him, as he talked to her. She tried not to listen to him at all, nor until he said an actual order.</p><p>“What can I get you, sir?” she repeated.</p><p>“You rented a cabin, I heard. Seemed really cozy. It didn’t end well though, did it?”</p><p>Minnie swallowed hard. Of course he’d kept an eye on her. Just how much had he seen?</p><p>Sweat started forming on her forehead, and she had to use the sleeve of her shirt to dry it off.</p><p>“What can I get you?” she repeated again.</p><p>The line started becoming long, but Minnie couldn’t care less about it. All she wanted to do was to run away.</p><p>“That Miyeon girl,” Minnie tensed at the mention of her fiancée, “she’s grown a lot. Her personality, I mean. She put those other girls right in place. What were their names again?”</p><p>The girl wasn’t going to stay as he continued rambling on about her family. The customers were also watching and hearing everything, and Minnie did not want that attention. So, she turned around and hurried into the staff room. But he wasn’t going to let her off that easy. </p><p>“Sir, you can’t be-“ Nia’s voice sounded from the door.</p><p>“This is my daughter.” the man growled back. “I have all rights to talk to my daughter.”</p><p>Minnie turned around to see her father’s body just in front of Nia. He was close enough so she had to look up at him, and Minnie could see the fear in her eyes.</p><p>“Now, go back to work, will you?” he said quietly. “You don’t want to keep the customers waiting.”</p><p>The cashier didn’t say more, before she disappeared behind the door. </p><p>Mr. Yontararak cleared his throat as he turned around. He clasped his hands together, and walked closer to her.</p><p>”Here we are.” he said, and offered her a weak smile.</p><p>She could see just how loudly it screamed ‘fake’. </p><p>The daughter backed away more and more the closer he came. She was standing by the microwaves, a rack of knives and several cutting boards on the counter right by her side. Her father was a few steps away, by the fridges, blocking the only way out. If this room had windows, she would be straight out. </p><p>“I’m sure you’ve already figured out why I’m here.” he said.</p><p>His eyes moved around the room as he did, looking disgusted at his surroundings.</p><p>“Your husband has been asking for you, for years now.” Mr. Yontararak continued. “I grew tired of his nagging and decided to come and get you.”</p><p>“I’m not coming with you.” Minnie dared to say, but she couldn’t look up at him as she did.</p><p>“You will have to, I’m scared.” he said. “You’re legally bounded to your husband, which gives me the legal right to bring you back to him, whether you want it or not.”</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“I’m home!” the oldest screamed as she hung of her jacket.</p><p>No one answered her, which was weird. </p><p>“Hello?” she called for them, but no one answered.</p><p>She continued into the apartment, and soon saw Soyeon on the couch. She was laying down, closed eyes and headphones around her ears. Miyeon would let her be, but disturbing her would be funnier.</p><p>The older complained when Miyeon grabbed her headphones and pulled them off. On a normal day, Soyeon would glare at her before getting back to her songs. Today, she just tried to grab back her earphones without even looking at Miyeon. That was a red flag.</p><p>“What’s up?” she asked, and let go of the headphones.</p><p>Soyeon sighed as she sat up on the couch. She placed her device on the table before turning to the older.</p><p>“I think Yuqi is cheating on me.” she said.</p><p>Miyeon bursted out into a hysterical laughter immediately. She threw her head back and placed a hand on her chest as her body shook. The other never joined how however, which made Miyeon stop with widened eyes.</p><p>“You’re serious?” she asked.</p><p>Soyeon nodded and looked down at her hands.</p><p>“That’s why she’s been acting so weird.” the songwriter explained.</p><p>“How do you know this?”</p><p>“I heard her talk to Shuhua today.”</p><p>Although Miyeon had a hard time to believe her, the younger seemed close to convinced. </p><p>“Are you sure? Did she say she’s cheating on you?” the oldest asked.</p><p>“Not directly, but it really sounded like it.” she answered with a lowered gaze.</p><p>“Dont conclude anything before you’ve talked to her, okay?” the older told her. “I don’t want you to be sad for nothing.”</p><p>They spent a few minutes in silence. Miyeon let Soyeon sit with her thoughts, and stayed like a shoulder to cry on if it was needed. That was until she remembered something.</p><p>“On a better note, Kwan called me during work.” she said, and Soyeon looked at her. “We’ve got a court time this week.”</p><p>A smile spread on her face.</p><p>“Finally.” the younger let out. “It’s been a day but my word has already been destroyed. I need Soojin back.”</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“Don’t make this hard on me now.” he warned her. “You’re not a little girl anymore. You know arguing with me won’t change anything.”</p><p>Minnie clenched her jaw.</p><p>“I’m not a little girl anymore.” she said and looked up. “Which means you can’t pull me around like I am one.”</p><p>”You are married, Nicha.” he said, his voice reminding Minnie of the way he scolded her brothers when they were younger. “You can’t go around and play girlfriends with your friend. You have a husband. A future.”</p><p>At those words, the girl felt bubbles forming in her chest. Not the blue and gleaming kind, the red and burning ones.</p><p>“Are you saying I don’t have a future with Miyeon?” she asked between her teeth.</p><p>She hadn’t realised when she switched languages, but she was suddenly speaking in Thai. A language she hadn’t used in years. </p><p>“Nicha...” he said and sighed. “You’re a smart girl. You know it wouldn’t work.”</p><p>“Why?” the girl started glaring at him. “Because we’re both women?”</p><p>Where the nerves came from was a mystery, but Minnie didn’t want to hold back. She did all her teenage years, and she wasn’t going to do it anymore.</p><p>As he cleared his throat uncomfortably, she just smiled.</p><p>“It makes you uncomfortable that your daughter is in love with a woman, right?” </p><p>“Nicha-“</p><p>“That I love her? That I sleep with her?”</p><p>He shifted.</p><p>“That she’s the only person I ever will love. That she’s always been the person I love. That-“</p><p>“Stop this childish behaviour!” he suddenly growled, sending all confidence Minnie had gathered down the drain. “You will come with me now!”</p><p>He took a step forwards and reached for her arm, but she backed away and managed to dodge him.</p><p>“Don’t make me loose my temper.” the father warned and tried to grab her again, but she backed away even more. “Come here now!”</p><p>As he said the last sentence, a lot of stuff happened in Minnie’s mind. First, she saw his hand coming closer and closer to her face. Second, her head moved around the room to look for an escape. Third, when she couldn’t find an escape, she grabbed one of the knives beside her. What exactly she was planning to do with it, she wasn’t sure, but it made her father stop.</p><p>“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice as steady as before but his body in a conscious state.</p><p>Minnie couldn’t answer his question. She had no clue what she was doing. Was she supposed to hurt him with it? Or just use it as a distraction?</p><p>“Back away!” she let out, her voice shaking which destroyed the entire impact.</p><p>“Calm down, Nicha.” he said, and took a step closer again. “Let me grab that from you-“</p><p>“No!” she screamed and shoved it forward to scare him, but it did nothing. “Don’t come closer.”</p><p>Still, he got closer and Minnie couldn’t do anything. She had the knife ready, only inches away from his body, but she couldn’t do it.</p><p>“Put this down.” his hand reached the knife, and he started pulling it.</p><p>Minnie held it in a tight grip.</p><p>“I don’t want to argue again, Nicha.” he warned as he tried to pull it.</p><p>While her father’s hand tried to desperately take it from her, Minnie’s mind went wild again. A thought popped up in her head, and long before she could actually consider it, she’d turned the knife around, and was moving it towards her body. It didn’t take long until the blade met her clothing, and she knew she’d have to use more power. She also knew she shouldn’t do it at all.</p><p>“Nicha, what are you-“</p><p>Her father’s voice was the last drop. She pulled the knife away from her body, to pull it right back with as much power as she could manage.</p><p>Minnie had seen knives go through bodies before, but that was on a movie screen. She’d seen the protagonist scream and cry in pain, as blood flooded out of them. But as the knife when into her lower side, she felt a burning sensation, but not more than that. But as longer as it was there, and as more she wished she hadn’t hit anything important, the more it started aching. Soon, her entire body bent forward because of the pain.</p><p>Mr. Yontararak tried to grab her, but she fell before his arms could catch her. With a hand on her wound, she laid her head down in the ground and hoped to pass out as soon as possible. The blood flooding out made her hands warms and sticky, as all the pain stroke through her body over and over again.</p><p>“Nicha...” the man said, but it sounded more like he was disappointed than sad.</p><p>With her eyes closed, her hands clinched in her stomach, and her body shaking from the pain, she waited until everything disappeared around her.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>was what minnie did a good or bad choice?</p><p>i hate having unrealistic or false facts in my aus, and i am very aware that the fact that they got a court time this quickly is highly unrealistic. but the story has to move forward, and i can’t pull a time skip. you’ll have to excuse me this once.</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisokay</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Suppose all the lions get up and go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time I look at you, my eyes water and my mind gets blurry. You’re intoxicating my senses. A drug is what you are. A drug that I love to be lost in.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Another three years have passed. Nothing is like it used to, but maybe that’s for the better.</p><p> </p><p>Chapter is named after W.H. Auden’s poem “If I Could Tell You”.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>guess who’s back.... </p><p>WARNINGS: no particular warnings for this chapter.</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*</p><p>Shuhua convinced Yuqi to go to the apartment, although the latter hadn’t talked to her girlfriend since they fought. She knew her sister wanted her to use this opportunity and solve it, but she wasn’t sure she even could do it. Especially not after the visit at the doctor today.</p><p>He had studied her bruises, and noticed new ones growing on her neck down to her collarbone. Shuhua looked like a ghost when he told them, but Yuqi just nodded. She wrapped a scarf around her neck, and let it be.</p><p>When they arrived, neither of the two had expected Soyeon to run up and hug them. Shuhua only got a quick hug, while Yuqi stumbled back because of the power Soyeon put into it. The youngest girl decided to leave the two alone, and greeted the dogs instead.</p><p>The songwriter’s head was resting on Yuqi’s chest while she held her tight. Yuqi answered by hugging her back, although being highly confused and feeling very guilty. </p><p>She’d felt guilty for some time now, because of multiple reasons. But the conversation with Shuhua yesterday somehow awakened her guilt even more.</p><p>Still, she accepted the love Soyeon gave her. Maybe it was selfish, but her girlfriend gave her such a small amount of love these days, that Yuqi figured she had all right to relish it when it finally happened.</p><p>“I missed you.” the younger girl muttered against her.</p><p>Yuqi’s eyes widened in confusion. The girl was never one to say words like that out of the blue.</p><p>“I-I missed you too.” the younger stuttered.</p><p>Soyeon traced her hand up Yuqi’s neck, and placed it on her chin before tilting her head upward. She stood on her toes as she connected her own lips with those of her girlfriend. </p><p>It took the other a minute to react, and to figure if she should join the kiss, but she ended up wrapping her arms around Soyeon’s back.</p><p>They only parted when the older started smiling, and was unable to keep the kiss going. She backed away to let Yuqi undress, and noticed the pink scarf around her neck.</p><p>“Nice scarf.” she said and reached for it, but Yuqi quickly took a step back. </p><p>Soyeon’s eyes narrowed and her eyebrows frowned in confusion.</p><p>“I’m just gonna take it off.” she explained, and tried again, but Yuqi reacted the same way as before. </p><p>“I wanna keep it on.” the younger explained.</p><p>“Why? It’s warm in here.”</p><p>“Just because.”</p><p>The older girl couldn’t help her eyes from drifting down to her face, right to her neck. She could’ve sworn she saw something red peek through the fabric, before Yuqi rearranged it with her hand. Soyeon’s eyes went back up again, only to see Yuqi looking away from her.</p><p>“Are you hiding something?” she asked, trying to her the younger’s eyes back on her.</p><p>“What?” Yuqi exclaimed a little too loudly. “Of course not!”</p><p>Soyeon noticed how her nostrils flickered. She was lying. The songwriter felt teeth biting into her belly.</p><p>“Let me see.” she said with a stern voice.</p><p>“There’s nothing to see.” Yuqi’s voice was unsteady.</p><p>“Yuqi,” the younger knew she’d made a huge mistake when Soyeon spoke her real name, “show me.”</p><p>The younger dared to look down at Soyeon, but she regretted it immediately. The older wore that look she had when she was pissed, but there was more than that. It looked like anger mixed with sadness. Yuqi saw it in the way her eyes were becoming red.</p><p>And the guilt built up even grander in Yuqi. But how was she supposed to tell her now? The further the situation went, the harder it was to tell her. Shuhua would’ve screamed at her to reveal the secret, but Yuqi just couldn’t.</p><p>She felt her own eyes burn when she prepared herself to answer.</p><p>“Just,” Yuqi started with a shaky voice, “let me be!”</p><p>She didn’t stay long enough to see Soyeon’s reaction, as she hurried passed her and into the apartment.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>”Left, left, left!” Yuqi repeated loudly over and over again.</p><p>Her hands were hugging the console tightly as she used her entire body to steer the car on the screen. </p><p>“Shut up!” Shuhua complained loudly as she, in fact, was turning left.</p><p>Soyeon had zoned out long ago. Her eyes stared right in front of her, and she didn’t say a single word. Little did the other two know, that the girl’s mind screamed several words. </p><p>The chinese’s eyes drifted to her every two minutes, but she couldn’t say anything. </p><p>“Guys,” the oldest girl walked out of her room, “you haven’t seen Minnie, have you?”</p><p>The girls all turned their heads from left to right.</p><p>“She’s supposed to be home...”</p><p>Miyeon’s thoughts couldn’t drift off for longer, until her phone started ringing. Thinking it was her fiancée, she brought it up to her face immediately. But as she saw the caller ID, she got a happy surprise.</p><p>“Soojin, hi.” she said.</p><p>Soyeon’s head shot up from the couch, and she quickly made her way to Miyeon. The older put the phone on speaker.</p><p>“Do you have any updates about the court time?” Soojin’s voice was quiet and rushed, it was evident that she was hiding away.</p><p>“Yes. Saturday.” Miyeon answered.</p><p>It was quiet on the other line for a couple of seconds, causing the girls to start worrying. But then, Soojin spoke again.</p><p>“I need you to pick me up.” she said.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, of course.” the oldest answered. “I’ll go right away.”</p><p>She turned around immediately and started walking towards the door.</p><p>“No, not now.” the younger cousin worded. “On Thursday night.”</p><p>“Thursday night?”</p><p>“Yes. At two o’clock.”</p><p>Miyeon and Soyeon looked at each other, both equally confused. But, they’d decided to the thing Soojin told Shuhua. They’d decided to trust her.</p><p>“Okay.” the older cousin said.</p><p>“And don’t call me.” the dancer said quickly. “Drive here, and I’ll be outside. Be on time.” </p><p>“Oka-“ Miyeon started, but Soojin had ended the call before she could finish.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>The room was bright. So bright. All she could see when she opened her eyes was a white light. Then, a face formed from it. It was a smiling woman in blue clothing. </p><p>“Kim Minnie,” a voice came from elsewhere in the room, “my name is Hak Jinan.”</p><p>Minnie’s face turned to the side where the sound came from, to see a short man holding a badge in front of her face.</p><p>“I’m a police officer.” </p><p>Suddenly, all memories came flowing back to her. Her hand went down to her stomach, and she felt some kind of bandage around the body part. She could, however, not feel anything as she pressed down.</p><p>“You were last seen with a man. Do you remember this?”</p><p>Her eyes went back to the man. She nodded slowly.</p><p>“I need you to verbally answer.”</p><p>The thai’s throat was dry and hurting, but she cleared it and swallowed.</p><p>“Y-Yes.” she muttered.</p><p>“This man stated he is your dad. Is that correct?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“But you were the one who held the knife?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The police wrote down everything she said in his notes. Minnie wondered for a second if she should put her father on the spot, and lie to get him out of her life entirely. But she could. She figured the reason behind was the same as to why she couldn’t shove the knife into him.</p><p>“Okay.” the man nodded, looking down in his notebook before looking up again. “Do you know where your dad is now?”</p><p>“No.” she answered, truthfully.</p><p>“Minnie!” a sudden scream was heard from the hallway.</p><p>Her head turned to the door, which was placed right behind the woman in blue. Within a second the silhouette of a man showed up. </p><p>As he got closer to her, he was revealed to be her brother. He wore a smile, and thinner hair than he had the last time she saw him. He was also wearing a suite, one that looked like her father’s.</p><p>“Mac...” she said quietly.</p><p>The older brother walked up to her bed, and placed both his arms around hers. First then did she realise that she had a tube going from her arm to a machine.</p><p>“I’ll give you two some time alone.” the police said, and left together with the woman.</p><p>Minnie was still dizzy, Mac’s face swaying back and forth. But his smell somehow grounded him. After all these years, he still smelled like a mixture of teenage cologne and sweat. Most would find it gross, but to Minnie, it was calming.</p><p>When her sight finally stopped playing with her, she could smile back at him. He smiled even wider as she did, and tightened the grip on her hands.</p><p>“Hi.” she said, still with a dry throat.</p><p>“Hi.” Mac answered. “You’ve been up to a lot, I see.”</p><p>He looked down at her stomach, and grinned as he looked back up. Minnie just rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide her smile.</p><p>“I’ve missed you a lot, little sister.” he said, and leaned down to kiss her forehead.</p><p>She smiled as response. She wasn’t fully ready to talk just yet, but his smile reassured her that he’d understood her.</p><p>“Mic wanted me to tell you that he really miss you, too. But he was really disappointed that you didn’t actually stab him.”</p><p>The sister rolled her eyes again, as Mac wore the same teasing smile.</p><p>“He would’ve come here to see you, but we both agreed that it would be a little too risky.” Mac continued. “He lives in London with wife and kids. He hasn’t talked to mother or father in several years.”</p><p>Minnie’s mouth widened in a happy but shocked expression. She was an aunt?</p><p>“Do you remember when father sent him off to China?” the younger nodded. “Yeah, well... Mic booked the first flight to England and disappeared for several years. I thought something bad had happened, but he contacted me less than three ago, to invite me to his wedding. I had to tell father I was going on a business trip. Turns out, Mic works with teaching Korean and Thai to kids. And, he has a son and a daughter, and one more on the way.”</p><p>The girl smiled even wider. If Mic had made it out, that meant Minnie could too.</p><p>“He would be glad to take you in, you know.” Mac smiled. “The kids are hysterical but I’m sure you would love them. And his wife, Lana, is probably the nicest woman I’ve ever met. They don’t have a lot of room but... you and Miyeon could live with them until you get your own place.”</p><p>As he talked, Minnie barely had to consider his words. But there was one thing.</p><p>“What...” she started, clearing her throat again, “a-about you?”</p><p>“Me? I’m a little stuck right now, but I’ll join you two as quickly as I can.”</p><p>Seeing her questioning gaze, he quietly went on to explain.</p><p>“He hired me for his firm. I can’t really run away right now, but I will someday.”</p><p>She nodded. Her eyes were looking down, and she had a faint frown. The corners of her mouth were also tilted down, as she bit her jaw in the thought of her brother being stuck with their father.</p><p>“Minnie.” he said and tightened his grip again. “I couldn’t help you back then, but I will now.”</p><p>His hands went to his pocket, where he picked up a white bag. It was wrinkly, as if it had been used several times over the years. When Mac reached into it, and brought out the little red book, Minnie realised what it was right away.</p><p>“I managed to sneak your passport from father’s office.” he handed it to her. “There are a few papers in there two. I managed to get your marriage certificate too, but I couldn’t find your signature.”</p><p>Minnie didn’t even remember ever writing down her signature on it.</p><p>“You’ve got everything you need to leave the country.” Mac stated in a serious tone. “As long as he knows where you are, he won’t stop.”</p><p>“I know.” Minnie said as she nodded and looked through the passport.</p><p>Only a minute later, four girls came running through the doors. Miyeon was in the lead with the rest behind her as if they were ducklings following their mother. They only stopped when they were right in front of the door, but Miyeon soon continued running up to Minnie and wrapping her arms around her. The three other politely greeted Mac, before joining the hug.</p><p>The thai girl smiled when the girls pulled away, only to be met with a punch on her shoulder.</p><p>“Why the fuck did you do that?” Miyeon asked loudly. “I almost had a heart attack when they called me from the hospital! You’re so fucking stupid!”</p><p>“Jeez, Miyeon, cool down.”</p><p>“I’m sorry!” Minnie said, raising her arms to defend herself. “I would’ve called you myself but I was a little too passed out for that.”</p><p>Miyeon nearly growled at her.</p><p>“Don’t you do that ever again!” she said, before quickly leaning down to splash a kiss on her lips.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Minnie answered against her.</p><p>The older pressed another hard kiss on her, before standing up straight again. Her frown disappeared when she looked over at her fiancées older brother.</p><p>“Nice to see you again.” she said awkwardly, remembering the last time they met.</p><p>She was breaking down outside his door, after having been told that Minnie was gone. It wasn’t her proudest moment.</p><p>“Hello.” he said, chuckling as he most likely remembered it as well.</p><p>“I’m sorry to bother this family-in-law moment, but aren’t we supposed to hide or something?” Yuqi asked.</p><p>All eyes went to Mac, worry suddenly growing on all of them.</p><p>“No, I don’t think that’s necessary.” he answered.</p><p>“Where is he now?” Miyeon asked.</p><p>“In his hotel room, most likely. He’s gonna stay low because of the police, but he will be back.”</p><p>Mac looked between all of them, tilting his head forwards to show how just how much he meant the words. The girls seemed to understand, as they all nodded.</p><p>The room fell silent for a couple of seconds, before the girl in the hospital bed spoke.</p><p>“Why now, after three years?” she asked, looking at her brother.</p><p>He sighed as an answer. </p><p>“I don’t know, Min.” Mac answered. “Your husband’s constant questioning probably got to him.”</p><p>“He didn’t try to find me before?”</p><p>The older sibling sighed again.</p><p>“To be honest with you,” he started, “I think he’s always known exactly where you are.”</p><p>“But he didn’t try to get me before.”</p><p>“Maybe he gave up on you. He tried everything to make you his perfect daughter, but not even a marriage could keep you away from the real you.”</p><p>As he talked, his eyes drifted over to Miyeon, who’d placed a hand on Minnie’s shoulder. The older girl smiled, and Minnie soon followed her. </p><p>Suddenly, a phone started ringing. Mac didn’t even have to grab it to know it was his.</p><p>“Well, that is my cue to leave.” he said, and started standing up. “Remember what I told you, little sister.”</p><p>Minnie nodded. </p><p>Mac started walking towards the door, and had just opened it when his sister called for him.</p><p>“Mac!” she shouted and he turned around. “Thank you.”</p><p>A nod escaped from him, before he gave her one last smile.</p><p>“I’ll see you.” he reassured, before disappearing down the hall.</p><p>She was going to see him again, Minnie was sure of it.</p><p>*<br/>
*<br/>
*</p><p>“Can you lie down?” the oldest girl questioned, helping Minnie down on the bed.</p><p>“I’ve been lying down for hours, Miyeon.” the younger said, relaxing as she met the mattress.</p><p>Miyeon brought her hand to Minnie’s forehead, and stared brushing her fingers across the skin. The thai smiled, nestling into the feeling as she closed her eyes. </p><p>The older kept her eyes at the other. She was so relieved that she was home and safe, when the chance that she wouldn’t be was so huge.</p><p>Minnie meant the world to her. She didn’t know what she would do without her. </p><p>Miyeon kept looking at Minnie, swaying her hand over her forehead, until she watched the other fall into a deep slumber.</p><p>Out in the living room, Yuqi and Soyeon were left alone as Shuhua was walking the dogs.</p><p>They hadn’t said a word to each other since this morning, so the atmosphere was very tight. Soyeon just had to say something, she couldn’t take the tension.</p><p>“Woogi,” she said, gaining the other’s attention, “I’m sorry for the way I acted.”</p><p>Yuqi looked at her with a cold expression at first, until it softened into a weak smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry too.” she said. “I shouldn’t have screamed at you.”</p><p>The younger reached out for the other’s hands, and smiled happily when Soyeon gave them to her. She scooted closer, until they sat hip to hip. Yuqi started playing with the small fingers, feeling somewhat at ease.</p><p>“I have to ask you something, though.” the older said, gaining back the tension.</p><p>The younger continued playing with her fingers, but Soyeon could hear the way her breathing got heavier. Her own breathing matched it, and she had to swallow harshly before finally asking the question she’d been bearing for days.</p><p>“Woogi, are you seeing someone?” </p><p>Yuqi stopped playing with the hand. She stayed put for several seconds, before she lifted her head. Soyeon noticed the deep frown on her face.</p><p>“What did you say?” she questioned in disbelief.</p><p>Soyeon visibly swallowed again.</p><p>“Are you cheating on me?” she asked again, more straight forward this time.</p><p>A scoff escaped Yuqi’s throat as her mouth fell open. She blinked several times, as if she tried to wake up from her dream. </p><p>“Cheating?” Yuqi let out with another scoff. “How can you even accuse me of something like that?” </p><p>The younger stood up from the couch and started pacing around the room.</p><p>“You’ve been acting weird lately.” Soyeon explained. “Distant.”</p><p>Yuqi’s mouth fell open wider than it ever had before. She looked back at Soyeon, and scoffed again. The older furrowed her eyebrows, and opened her mouth to speak, but Yuqi beat her to it.</p><p>“I’ve been distant?” she questioned, pointing to herself as she did it. “I’m the one who’s constantly working for this relationship!”</p><p>Her arms swayed wildly around her as she talked. She felt her blood shooting up towards her head. Her cheeks started burning.</p><p>“That’s not true.” the older protested, and stood up as well as she crossed her arms.</p><p>Once again, Yuqi scoffed.</p><p>“Soyeon you’re driving me crazy.” she muttered. “Do you even understand what’s going on?”</p><p>Soyeon frowned even harder.</p><p>“You’re not telling me anything!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, but quickly managed to control her anger. “Just talk to me, please.” </p><p>She reached towards Yuqi, who backed away.</p><p>“Tell me what’s going on so we can solve it together.” the girl was practically begging.</p><p>The chinese looked at her, saw the way Soyeon’s eyes deepened. Had her heart won over her head, she would’ve hugged her and let everything out. But lately, Yuqi had been a thinker. And not a very smart one at that.</p><p>The younger girl turned around, and headed to the door.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Soyeon asked and hurried behind her.</p><p>“I’m leaving.” she muttered as she reached for her jacket.</p><p>“Woogi-“ the older said and tried to reach for the same clothing, but Yuqi backed off once again.</p><p>“I just-“ she said, but she couldn’t even look Soyeon in her eyes. “I need to be alone.” </p><p>Yuqi was out the door within seconds, leaving Soyeon alone to her thoughts.</p><p>In the last few years, the songwriter had grown to like her thoughts. Or her thoughts had grown into something she liked. But now, she hated her thoughts. She hated how her brain spiralled into darkness. She hated how she could do nothing to stop it.</p><p>Soyeon screamed the loudest she ever had. Haku and Mata would’ve been scared out of their minds if they were home. The girl’s fist met the wall over and over again. She didn’t care how much it burned on her knuckles. </p><p>She hadn’t even realised how heavy her breathing was, how hot her face had gotten.</p><p>It wasn’t until Miyeon wrapped her in a warm embrace that she could calm down.</p><p>*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Question of the chapter:<br/>will Minnie follow through with Mac’s plan?</p><p> <br/>i have a feeling this chapter is gonna feel rushed, so i’m sorry about that. might go back and edit it later, but this is the best i can do for now.<br/>i’m literally falling asleep writing this.<br/>also, i just saw i’ve spelled soojin’s last name wrong in the first few chapters of part 1. hehe... oops<br/>see you on friday!</p><p> </p><p>twitter: @elisaisnotokay<br/>curiouscat: @elisaandpeggy</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>write questions, thoughts and whatever you want in the comments! thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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